My Wife Just Said… #135
“You’re asking if I’m doing okay? Well… no one’s dead yet.” -Elizabeth Sometimes the state of things needs to be looked at from a really wide perspective. Things can seem so extreme that “good” and “bad” can take on the comparable of “dead” or “not dead.” ““ Previous “My Wife Just Said…” Star Wars […]
The Hands of Time
He reached out, fumbling for something. I grabbed a toy and handed it to him and he said, “No, Daddy,” and took my hand. I’ve been working relentlessly. So, sadly, Family Time seems better measured with a stopwatch than a clock these days. It makes perfect sense that my littlest lad has been […]
What Text Replies REALLY Mean
Everyone’s texting or messaging everyone these days. Parents message their kids downstairs to dinner. Teachers will text a student to put away their phone. Pretty soon we’ll figure out a way to text our pets. A big problem is that, faceless and voiceless, text messages don’t do a stellar job of conveying emotion. People have […]
“Bath Time” : Convos With My 2-Year-Old
Bath time can be the most ME of “me times.” This proves difficult though for little kids, who require constant parental supervision when immersed in water within a hard, slippery surface. Parents know all about their privacy evaporating when they have kids, but for kids it’s also an uphill battle; a hill draped with a […]
Things You Should Bring but Will Probably Forget
This post was sponsored by Huggies. We can all remember what it was like when we first became parents. Sort of. Or at least some of us can. The rest of us might only recall a fragmented series of half-remembered blurs. It’s pretty exciting so it’s understandable that you might forget a few things in […]
Parenterms: “Sprintercourse”
Tick tock, tick tock. The clock is ticking for parents. Always. For something. Everything. Raising kids is a game show that starts with “hurry up” music playing, and it never stops. When it comes to making time to make some love, it’s so often the expendable scene that winds up on the editing room floor […]
Boob Visibility Comparison Chart (Models vs Mothers)
Mothers. They hide in bathroom stalls, fashion elaborate blankie wigwams or take cover behind mall ferns and alley dumpsters to protect us from the horror of the breastfeeding process. And by “us” I mean the few deranged and perverted assholes whose stomachs and backs have turned on a process that is commonly known as fucking […]
My Wife Just Texted… #133
I have a special place in my heart for The Hobbit and The Lord of the Rings. And my wife has one for talking cutesy. So it works, ya know? Sometimes love makes you sound like Gollum. ““ Previous “My Wife Just Said…” Pregnancy requires strength. Follow us on Facebook. It’s the best way to […]
My Kid Just DUHed… #31
“I wost my toy.” Me: Oh where’d you lose it? “Uhhhh. I can’t teww you dat… because I wost it.” -Lucas (2013, 4 years old) I just got thoroughly schooled in some duh logic by my little lad. As per usual. They’re great; little kids. Like a miniature version of Captain Obvious. DUH!* * I […]
“Fashion” : Convos With My 2-Year-Old
When it comes to judging, kids often employ excessive force that amounts to fashion-police brutality. If you’re uncertain or insecure about how you look or what you’re wearing, and also enjoy the high-stakes excitement of playing Russian Roulette, then just ask a child what they think of your outfit. They may simply say it’s the […]
