My Kid Just Called… #35
“Just come home, Dad. [not Daddy!] The cwock says 20:30. Come home now fwom yo twip. Okay good, see you soon, bye.” [Click] -Lucas (2013, 4.5 years old) I was in Mississippi on the last day of a short work-caytion. I talked to the little lad multiple times each day, but he was still […]
“Doctor” : Convos With My 2-Year-Old
Most physicians will say things like, “tell me if this hurts.” Kids will tell you when to say it hurts and when to say it doesn’t hurt. Whether it does or not in actuality. They know best when they’re trying to fix you. So, shush your face. I think kids are generally sweet-natured, but throw […]
My Wife Just Said… #137
“You’re going to let me buy that cheesy, light-up lawn decoration because you love me. And because the lad loves it.” -Elizabeth Double whammy. Love can be a very powerful bargaining chip. But the crappiness of some holiday decorations can overwhelm even the most passionate hearts. ““ Previous “My Wife Just Said…” What bowling […]
Snowman Building by Child Age
Babies are really terrible at making stuff. Unless it’s poop or pee, or making us smile and never sleep. So their first snowmen will require quite a bit of parental assembly. Some people wonder why parents do this for their babies (birthdays and snowmen and such), hinting that it’s all really just for the parents. […]
Daddy Vader Says… Defend Yourself
Even if parents can’t wield the Force to deliver wedgies or noogies or zerbers from across a long dining table, kids need to be taught that they should be on their guard at all times. The way you teach them this is by delivering sneak-attack tickles, wedgies, noogies or zerbers. They’ll pick it up right […]
My Kid Just Said… #34
“Dis dinner tastes wike horse.” -Lucas (2013, 4 years old) It was an insult so innocent and random that it wasn’t at all insulting; if it even was intended as a complaint. He made it sound like it was a positive thing. Unfortunately for my wife, our laughter was loud and long enough that […]
Pregnancy Terms Can Make You Hide Under a Tarp
Most medical terms sound hyper-enlightened and mystifying, but are actually based on Latin and Greek words that just meant… the thing that they referred to. What woman is going to let a “student of women” near their vagina, let alone PAY them for it? But that’s what “gynecologist” meant literally in Greek. If you look […]
My Kid Just Wished… #33
“When I grow up, I don’t want to grow up.” -Lucas (2013, 4 years old) Wishing on your birthday cake to never grow up probably breaks some Wish Law but I’m good with that if that’s the worst law he ever breaks. It started with him standing on a step stool. He had as much […]
An Inappropriate Guide to Proper Holiday Dining Etiquette (Video)
Manners at the table can seem like a sport. Of course, parents are the stressed out coaches, yelling orders from the sidelines or anxiously mouthing silent instructions to their kids. The Holidays, however, are the flippin’ Hunger Games of proper… um…acceptable… ugh… passable dinning etiquette for your kids. This hilarious video brings back so […]
“Leaves” : Convos With My 2-Year-Old
Adults just don’t know about certain things like kids do. That’s why you’ll always do it wrong when you’re trying to do it yourself, even with a child’s careful and thorough instructions. Do your best, but know that your best will always be a failure. It’s cute if you look at it the right way, […]
