This is not an illustration of a children’s toy, it’s a concept for an actual airplane. A plane that every airline should have in its fleet, juuuuuuust in case.
What if it happened? A flight that consisted of 100% parents with their babies or kids. Theoretically it HAS to happen at some point. An entire passenger list consisting of one or two adults accompanying one or more babies or kids each. The perfect storm. ALL PARENTS AND KIDS.
Soaring several thousand feet in the air, at hundreds of miles per hour in a loud, cramped metal tube can be an interesting place for parents and non-parents to rub elbows for a few hours. But parents know that having an all-parent, all-kid flight would be about as dumb as a pillow filled with doorknobs.
It can have its drawbacks, for parents to be around other parents in unplanned circumstances. Babies can cry and wake up other babies, most kids like slathering each other in each other’s germs for fun, and bathroom lines can suck away all calm and will to live.
Feed Yourself Right
Sugar-free treats or chamomile and tryptophane-infused snacks? Me me me me! A full bar offering stimulating coffee, soothing teas or the stiffer “make it all go away” sauce of your choice? Yes, all of the above, please. Private and communal breastfeeding stations, anyone? Yes, ma’am, as you wish.
Anyone can see the sense in a Sleep Deck, separate from the regular Awake Deck, with fold-down beds not just for kids but also for the zombies formerly known as their parents.
Built Kid Tough
We can all appreciate bodily-fluid-proof carpeting and upholstery, as well as non-stick, washable cabin walls and surfaces. If not for our flight, then at least so we don’t feel like we’re sitting in the dirty diaper of the flight before ours.
Speaking of bodily fluids! How about a deck just for toilet compartments large enough for a parent and their reluctant (or overly-eager) child to go potty, or change a loaded diaper on changing tables larger than a toilet seat lid!
Keeping a kid still and seated is no longer necessary with such features as cockpit tours, an Activity Deck with an in-flight jungle gym and crawling tubes, and all windows set to a child’s height. And if it’s your style, a secluded time-out section is located at the back of the plane.
I know! It’s all too much, too good to be true, to become a reality. But they also said that about Man ever flying, right!?! The plane’s manufacturers could even get all cute and Swedish and call it the Störk or something! Holy crap! Can you even imagine the possibility of polite, understanding flight attendants that have all had at least three kids, raised through their teens? I know. Now I’m losing my mind. I’ll stop before I start smearing poop on the walls and duct-taping gardening tools to my head.
More Instructional Diagrams
C’mon. They’re good for you.