The Infinite Loop of Kids
When your ass starts twitching, it’s usually due to the ignored impulse of your body telling you that it wants to run away (screaming optional). Fixed smiles and mechanical bobs of the head are often our last resort in being encouraging parents. Let me explain. Kid repetition > Parent patience A joke told fifty […]
My Kid Just Interrupted… #13
[Talking at dinner, our 3yo interrupts] Lucas: “Mouskerdee MOUSKERDOOOOOO!!!” Lizzie: “Lucas, we’re talki””” Lucas: “Wus DAT!?!” Me: “It’s turkey, man. C’mon, we’re talkin””” Lucas: “I do NOT wike it!” Lizzie: “Yes, it’s a different kind, but it’s still turk””” Lucas: “I pooping in my underwear.” Lizzie: “Come here, let me check.” [She pulls open his […]
Parent Safety: Thanksgiving InnuenDON’TS
When you haven’t eaten in a while, you get hungry. When “a while” is actually the length of time things need to fossilize, you starve! You can start smelling delicious phantom whiffs, or hear something you could have sworn was bacon joyously sizzling a second ago. It’s the same with sex. Except for the sizzling […]
My Wife Just Said… #85
“Shhhhhhh! No no. I’m trying to eavesdrop on the next table’s conversation.” -Elizabeth ““ Previous “My Wife Just Said…”
Stuffed Animal Assassin, Dragon Baby
Sometimes… when parents gaze lovingly at their child, they see themselves, a perfect combination of two separate people in one, giggling forward into the future for them. Other times… they see an ex-assassin seeking revenge, one-by-one, on the group of killer stuffed animals that betrayed… Erm… Okay. Maybe that never happens. UNTIL NOW! I bow […]
Charlie & Andy Become Chandy & Arlie
We use up all of our creative juices on our website, so the best we could come up with was to go as each other for Halloween this year. Maybe this is like some kind of weird version of a kid “becoming their parents,” except we’re becoming our parenting website partner. Or something. That seems […]
My Wife Just Said… #83
“I know I’m not right all the time. But sometimes I am. Like 90% of the time.” -Elizabeth ““ Previous “My Wife Just Said…”
The Anatomy of Make Believe (Illustrated)
Ah, the crazy, goofy things we come up with to entertain our offspring and ourselves! They’re wonderful, but when you actually think about almost any nursery rhyme, you want to tilt your head and let out a slow, “Huuuuhhhh?” And adding hand or foot make-believe play, even though it can be delightful, doesn’t make them […]
Thank you public toilet designer…
Dear public toilet designer, Thank you for developing a toilet that, when flushed, instantly sounds like a jet breaking the sound barrier. Thank you for adding a year to potty training. Thank you for scaring a year off my kid’s life. Thank you for teaching my kid that all of my reassurances that “it’s safe” […]
Whorlloween Costume Epic Battles
Some people love ’em. Some people hate ’em. I’m talking about all the hyper sexy costumes at seasonal Halloween pop-up stores and costume shops. Remember when it was witches and fairies and princesses? One thing’s for sure, we’re not in Kansas anymore, Toto. So, I’ve decided to put together a showdown! Vote for the sexiest, […]
