So it wasn’t my wife who texted me, but I’ll be honest, I actually stared at this for a solid clueless minute before I replied. I guess I was trying to wring some kind of sense out it, like it was some kind of ancient Egyptian scroll of hieroglyphs my wife had written in emojis. […]
Hhhhhhhooo-pahhhh…Hhhhhhhooo-pahhhh…Hhhhhhhooo-pahhhh… Yeah, the breathing is really ominous, sure. But it’s the things Daddy Vader says in between all the robotic huffing and puffing that gets an Imperial officer or a child shaking in their boots. Especially if they’ve just let a rebel ship get away, or because they need to “turn a frown upside down” […]
SURGEON GENERAL’S WARNING Becoming a parent or experiencing prolonged exposure to babies and children may cause a variety of pleasurable and undesirable heart episodes. Kids don’t make you feel anything you haven’t felt before. Delude yourself all you want, but they just don’t. However, they can act like emotional lenses, sharpening and intensifying […]
None of us are immune. One day, it will happen for your kids. Or has happened to us. For some of us, that day will happen… many times. Over and over. THE BAD SCHOOL PHOTO. My son came home from school with an envelope this week and inside were his school portraits. Witness the magic: […]
How totally exactly like Ian McKellen does this baby look!?! “Even the smallest person can change the course of the future.” A wonderfully inspirational concept from The Lord of the Rings. I’ve found a lot of people have a difficult time believing something much bigger of themselves, or some facet, at least. Whether […]
Tempus fugit. It’s a Latin expression that means “time flies.” I first heard this expression from my dad, who is Yale-graduate-level learned. I was a just a teen, so I had to either assume he’d freakishly sneezed or ask him what it meant. Tempus has been vigorously fugitting since I was a lad, so Googling […]
Bless me child for I have sinned. It’s been your lifetime since my last confession and I feel like I need to come clean. I have lied to you, stolen your property and coveted your dinner, as well as your youth. I am your father, but I haven’t always been a parent. I used to […]
Kids do things. Always. Let’s all admit that the mind of a child isn’t a just blank canvas or a field filled with giggling unicorns. It can be a pretty weird place and result in some pretty disastrous things. At a certain point kids start to get the idea that accountability plays into the some […]
I often ask myself why I write here. Who is this for? Do I think it’s even worth reading? This kind of writing can feel like the most self-centered exercise ever undertaken and I surely don’t post enough cat pictures or gossip to compel people to return. But today’s worth it. The reason, I’ve found […]
“Your snoring last night kept me up for hours. You sounded like a hyena choking on its own snot. Yes you were! I recorded it…” [ Presses play on her phone ] -Elizabeth I watched her nighttime video intently, more importantly I listened to it. Um. So yeah. We’re lucky a neighbor didn’t call […]
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