[Explaining to our littlest son how trees eat] “Well… The roots are like the mouth of the tree… And I guess the leaves are like… the butthole?”” -Elizabeth Maybe my wife isn’t the most knowledgeable gardener, but she’s my absolute favorite gardener. ““ Previous “My Wife Just Said…” When your kid is asleep […]
We sit bobbing in the pool like pale apples waiting to be plucked. My son is crying into his flotation device and I am expectantly staring at him. This is not going as well as I’d hoped. “This game is boring and dumb. I hate it.” He’s over it. I’m treading water, literally and figuratively, […]
Books and learning products for toddlers and kids can easily give one the idea that our children are being groomed for a future in farming or a jungle expedition. Some of the things chosen to represent the alphabet can be a little random and a lot a bit irrelevant. If you were learning a new […]
“I was dreaming of crushing.” -Finn (2013, 4 years old) Earthquake damage in our house. The earthquake had just hit on Monday morning and I was on the other side of our house. I ran to my son’s room in about two strides. He was fine, and Avara made it to the room too. […]
When I was about ten, I created a home-made pair of nunchucks. I sawed a broomstick into two short kid-ninja-sized handles and then, using screws, attached them together with a short chain. After about five minutes of practicing, I was certain that the authentic Japanese word nunchaku must have been defined as “self-inflicted head trauma.” […]
It took a simple doozy from my four-year-old the other day to point out that I’ve fully operated under the belief that teddy bears are always dudes for as long as I can remember. I suppose that all stuffed animals are male unless they’ve got a bow, long eyelashes or syrupy shapes embroidered all […]
Yes. It’s time for another helpful parenting lesson using zombie culture. In case you didn’t learn the first time, the second time or every other time, this one should teach you something. I guess. I was a big fan of “Zombieland” when it came out. There was something sort of inspiring about it, though I […]
Parents trick their kids from time to time (or all the time), for various reasons. It’s so easy in the early years, they’ll believe anything, really. So much so, it’d really be an oversight for a parent to not deceive their kid somehow. There’re all kinds of ways we pull the wool blankie over their […]
“Soooo… how was the wedding?” [confused looks] “…Yours and Mommy’s.” -Lucas (2013, 4.5 years old) It just sort of took us by surprise because it came completely out of nowhere. We both riffled through our crappy parent memories for what wedding he could be talking about. Once he clarified, we both shared a long, […]
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