[Lucas (3yo) looking at a picture of himself] “Da’s Wucas!” Me: “No, you’re supposed to say ‘that’s me.’” [long pause accompanied by scrunchy nose of disapproval] “No, Daddy! It not yooOooOooOU! It WUCAS!” -Lucas Dad, you sound like you think you know what you’re talking about, but I do not think that you do. I […]
“Yeah? Not if you ever want to see THIS again. Or touch these!” -Elizabeth Before anyone gets all upitty on the topic of sextortion, bear in mind that this was a humorous statement that had the two of us in stitches, and also that it’s also a very effective form of motivation. ““ […]
When I was a kid… wait. No no. Not like that. Not like, “When I was a kid I used to walk twelve miles to school carrying my lunch in a block of ice with shoes made of burlap sacks filled with broken glass and rusty nails.” Though I’ll write something that at some point, […]
Nearly anything in the bathroom is a potential victim to kid-level, wasteful application. I’m highlighting toothpaste here, but don’t forget soap, shampoo, toilet paper, band-aids, cotton swabs, water, you name it. Apart from these products appearing to children to be a never-ending supplies that are complete free, there’s also the fun of it. Look at […]
Watching our toddler flit from flower to flower like a giddy garden gnome stalking the little flying honey-makers, Lizzie and I have exchanged many a stressed look and repeated, “Why bees? Why did it have to be bees!” Bees have been a wealth of lessons so far for Lucas (3yo). Lessons about nature, dependence, purpose, […]
Teaching our kids how to do stuff is our job as parents. It can be difficult. Drinking our own urine can seem preferable at times. One of the hardest parts of teaching kids anything is watching them do it wrong. Over and over and over and over. Some parent’s cannot even do it; they swoop […]
“Okay, ‘chilling out’ has happened for long enough. Now everyone can just f##k off.” -Elizabeth ““ Previous “My Wife Just Said…”
[ click the image to enlarge ] This is not an illustration of a children’s toy, it’s a concept for an actual airplane. A plane that every airline should have in its fleet, juuuuuuust in case. What if it happened? A flight that consisted of 100% parents with their babies or kids. Theoretically it HAS […]
I’ve always loved fireworks. I’ll admit that my appreciation for my nation’s freedom came much later. I don’t remember freaking out about the loud explosions but do remember covering my ears early on. I think adults forget or don’t really want to admit that kids’ hearing is a LOT better and much more sensitive. Each […]
Disclosure: This post is brought to you by LifeLock, a leader in identity theft protection. I’ve had my wallet stolen over 100 times. I know that sounds like a lot, but maybe you’re forgetting I have kids. BUT! I’ve been pickpocketed a couple of times “for realsies.” The First Time In my teens, I journeyed […]
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