Guide to How Kids Judge Your Halloween Candy

Posted under INSTRUCTIONAL DIAGRAMS

How Kid Judge the Type of Halloween Candy You Give Out Funny

Everyone has their varying candy preferences, but sizing up what’s been plopped into the bag is a pretty universal part of Halloween.

However grateful and well-mannered they are, it’s impossible for trick-or-treaters to avoid casting some judgement on the treat-giver-outers they encounter.

You see, parents don’t often let kids eat the entire bag in one sitting, so kids have to prioritize what they’ll eat first (or sneak-eat between houses, under the cover of darkness). Valuations need to be made for some potentially cutthroat trading later. And then there’s the parent tax, though this is usually easy since adults crave a lot of candy kids would rather use as a skipping stone than eat.

There’s a lot of complexity to it all. This is really serious stuff, man! I mean… for kids. (ehem) Heh.
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You can’t really go wrong. If kids don’t like Smarties, they can always swap them with a friend that likes to chew on sidewalk chalk. Okay wait, maybe the Partypooper “treats” are a way to definitely go wrong. Just turn off your porch light and lock your door if you hate kids and tooth decay so much.

Have a Happy Halloween! And remember to tell your kids about a hundred times to remember to say “thank you.”

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Follow HowToBeADad on Facebook. You can judge the heck out the posts there, too.

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Because laughter is the best way to keep your kids from driving you insane.

3 Comments

  • Jan says:

    Sad reply. You’d understand if you dealt with a diabetic child on a daily basis.

    • Andy says:

      I’ve been called out on it by an incredibly upset parent recently, demanding I delete everything related to this post. Trust me, I’ll avoid making diabetes jokes in the future.

      There are times when people can be too sensitive on the internet, but sometimes they can educate others into a more compassionate outlook on the broad group that humanity is. Sorry if it upset you as well. I meant no harm.

  • Anonymous says:

    One year, I remember finding an unlabeled bag of a mysterious yellow liquid in my trick-or-treat bag (true story!). Clearly that person disregarded the “not labeled for individual sale” sign on the box! I tossed it out quickly, but I will never, and I repeat NEVER forget the year I was given a bag of urine for Halloween. (where would that be on this list??)

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