How to Be a Dad

How to Be a Dad

Guide to How Kids Judge Your Halloween Candy



Everyone has their varying candy preferences, but sizing up what’s been plopped into the bag is a pretty universal part of Halloween.

However grateful and well-mannered they are, it’s impossible for trick-or-treaters to avoid casting some judgement on the treat-giver-outers they encounter.

You see, parents don’t often let kids eat the entire bag in one sitting, so kids have to prioritize what they’ll eat first (or sneak-eat between houses, under the cover of darkness). Valuations need to be made for some potentially cutthroat trading later. And then there’s the parent tax, though this is usually easy since adults crave a lot of candy kids would rather use as a skipping stone than eat.

There’s a lot of complexity to it all. This is really serious stuff, man! I mean… for kids. (ehem) Heh.

You can’t really go wrong. If kids don’t like Smarties, they can always swap them with a friend that likes to chew on sidewalk chalk. Okay wait, maybe the Partypooper “treats” are a way to definitely go wrong. Just turn off your porch light and lock your door if you hate kids and tooth decay so much.

Have a Happy Halloween! And remember to tell your kids about a hundred times to remember to say “thank you.”


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2 Responses to “Guide to How Kids Judge Your Halloween Candy”

  1. Jan says:

    Sad reply. You’d understand if you dealt with a diabetic child on a daily basis.

    • Andy says:

      I’ve been called out on it by an incredibly upset parent recently, demanding I delete everything related to this post. Trust me, I’ll avoid making diabetes jokes in the future.

      There are times when people can be too sensitive on the internet, but sometimes they can educate others into a more compassionate outlook on the broad group that humanity is. Sorry if it upset you as well. I meant no harm.

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