How to Be a Dad

How to Be a Dad

Memos to the Tooth Fairy

Posted by , under NOTEBOOK, SNAPSHOTS

Memos to the Tooth Fairy Funny Kid's Letter

My 5yo son’s wiggly-jiggly tooth was recently liberated from his smile and he couldn’t wait to write a pillow-bound note to the Tooth Fairy. Here’s the text (uncorrected, to preserve the cuteness):

Dear. TootH. Fairy.

i Love you.

My tooth FeLL. out.

i wANt presents.

tHANk you.

Short, polite and to the point. Adorable, yes, but he’s cleverly buttering up the Tooth Fairy with a little flattery and affection. It got me thinking how a lot of letters I’ve seen written to the Tooth Fairy seem a bit businesslike. I hit the internet and this was very quickly proved out.

Let’s look at some of the correspondence of kids in various tooth transactions.


Basic Negotiations

Nothing seals a deal quite like a friendly pitch detailing the value and the virtues of a transaction. After all, it was one of her favretse.
Funny Tooth Fairy Letter Kid Favorite Tooth
source: Rhonda Talbot


Playing Hardball

So… sometimes bulldog power attorneys get married, and then have kids. Better not get into breach of contract with this kid.
Funny Tooth Fairy Letter Kid Playing Hardball


Filing a Loss Claim

It happens a lot. The combination of teeth being small and kids having the attention span of… SQUIRREL! It’s easy to understand some teeth mysteriously wind up where left socks go… or (gulp!) find their way down the toilet.
Funny Tooth Fairy Letter Kid Lost Tooth Extra Clean
source: unknown


Good-faith Stipulations

Sadly, in business dealings today, it’s not a bad idea to explicitly ask not to be screwed over.
Funny Tooth Fairy Letter Kid Don't Rip Me Off


Renegotiating Fees

Some loose teeth just fall out, some require a special task force working tirelessly for days. This kid doesn’t seem to think a flat fee is fair.
Funny Tooth Fairy Letter Renegotiating Fees
source: chriscoyier


Alternate Forms of Payment

Money’s great, sure, but these are paperless, digital times. Just sign on the line to accept the terms.
Funny Tooth Fairy Letter App Store Instead of Money


Special Requests

We’ve all got our special circumstances and preferences. Maybe it’s an allergy, a favorite color, or a paralyzing fear of magical intruders entering your room while you’re sleeping.
Funny Tooth Fairy Letter Sister Afraid of Tooth Fairy


Delivery Failure Complaint

It’s very frustrating when you hold up your end of the bargain but you’re left hanging. Kids aren’t really clued in enough to appreciate how ridiculously little sleep Tooth Fairies get.
Funny Tooth Fairy Letter Kid Complaining Forgotten Tooth


Follow-up Survey

If you’re going to fool a kid into the existence of any mythological character, expect a lot of excited interest when you create the illusion of this figure’s late-night appearance.
Funny Tooth Fairy Letter Lots of Questions


Honest Dealings

Maintaining a trustworthy relationship is important in conducting an ongoing relationship with the Tooth Fairy, whether he’s a boy or a girl.
Funny Tooth Fairy Letter Found Tooth Again Returned It
source: unknown


Fraud Investigation

When you run a business that’s based on a lie, it’s just a matter of time before the cat (or Fairy) is out of the bag.
Funny Tooth Fairy Letter Kid Asking for the Truth


You see what I mean? When an itty-bitty teeny-weeny loosey-toothy comes out of their little noggin, roll up your sleeves ’cause it’s time for business!

It’s amazing how naturally some young kids become such smooth operators, wheeling and dealing, or bossy taxpayers, who’ve paid their pearly white dues and demand The System does its job.

Follow us on Facebook. Some day kids will write their letters to the Tooth Fairy on Facebook.

Instructional Diagrams
You wouldn’t mind finding these under your pillow.


2 Responses to “Memos to the Tooth Fairy”

  1. Marvin says:

    Reading those letters was epic! Great laughs, kids never stop surprising me, the things that come out of their mouths I will never understand. I always tell my wife I wish I could be in our kid’s head for a day. It would be nice to know what sets off those midday tantrums.

    • Andy says:

      Being inside a kid’s head for a day sounds like something that would require special protective gear and a waiver. But it also sounds wonderful. 😉

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