How to Be a Dad

How to Be a Dad

7 Things That Are Worse Than Going Back to School

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Sometimes it’s easier to soften something by comparing it to something way worse. School can be one of those tough somethings. As our kids go back to school parents and/or kids can dread it.

But there’s that great quote that goes: “If we all threw our problems in a pile and saw everyone else’s, we’d grab ours back.” Which goes over great with kids.

Actually, not at all.

Today, LifeLock is helping us cover the feeling so many of us encounter when confronted with the end of summer and heading back to school. We figure since they can help us understand how protect our credit and good name, they can help us get a better perspective of diving back into a school year.

Here, dear reader, are 7 things that are worse than going back to school…

1. CUTTING THE RED WIRE

The tension of walking into the front door of school is nothing compared to cutting the red wire. I mean, have you seen “The Hurt Locker” or “Dirty Dancing” before? Those have nothing to do with this. Just asking for me.

2. PAUSING A VIDEO GAME

It’s awful. It almost seems like genetic compulsion is involved here, though it’s fairly certain Neanderthals weren’t playing on X-rocks. Just pressing a thumb down to temporarily stop digital nonsense can be the hardest achievement a kid (or grown man with children) can unlock, right? RIGHT?

3. DANCING IN FRONT OF OTHERS

This really applies mostly to people who can’t dance. So, everyone I’m related to and have danced with. There are countless opportunities to embarrass yourself but to take your thrown on the couch of despair, you must dance like no one is watching while everyone actually IS. Middle School Me is very uncomfortable even discussing it.

4. WEARING THE SAME OUTFIT

When we all try to be different we just end up looking the same. At least, that’s what happened to me. A LOT. Being trendy sucks. And wearing the same outfit is worse than going back to school. Everyone jokes about how you have a twin. And I always wanted one!!

5. TAKING A DIRTY DIAPER* TO THE FACE

Being a parent can be gross and there are ascending/descending levels of grossness. We’ve all been through the tougher times, and though our children haven’t, perhaps, changed a diaper, they will. And they will know what it is to deal with the magic.

At least at school, you’ll never have to deal with that.

*Please note: This is pudding.

6. FALLING ON A SKATEBOARD

Have you fallen off of a bike, skateboard or pterodactyl? It’s painful. More painful than sitting down in front of a new teacher or dropping your kids off at school. For real.

7. LIVING NEXT TO A VOLCANO

Sure, the surroundings are usually pretty cool near a volcano, what with the high mineral content and cool foliage, but living next to a volcano is just plain horrible. I should know. Sometimes, I eat Mexican food late at night and I live on a volcano.

In the end, you need to come at it from your kids’ perspective or appeal to their imagination. It may help to use hand puppets, or some other visual aid. That’s what this post is for, to help out you, parents of scared or reluctant young students.

And LifeLock wants to help you, too. You know what else is scarier than starting school? Identity theft. I can’t tell you how many friends have dealt with this problem. They have products and services that can help you protect your credit and your good name.

In fact, they just launched new and improved LifeLock Advantage and Ultimate Plus products with personalized activity alerts on credit card, checking and savings account transactions. It’s so comprehensive, maybe they can protect my identity from bad dad jokes and wearing jeans that go up to my neck. Right?

Anyway, if you’re interested in finding out more, check out this link!

Disclosure: This post is brought to you today by LifeLock, a leader in identity theft protection. This post is my own opinion and my crazytalk doesn’t necessarily reflect the opinions of LifeLock or its staff. In fact, I should lock down my own life a little bit more before spouting off at the mouth sometimes. Have fun going back to school, everyone!

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3 Comments

3 Responses to “7 Things That Are Worse Than Going Back to School”

  1. Colton says:

    Why don’t any of the images come up on a cellphone? I would like to submit one more thing to the list: having to put on pants to go get my laptop from the car.

  2. Kenny says:

    Now that my kids are in second grade, I’ve adjusted to the whole concept of sending them off to school. So, I gotta admit that I was so happy when school started this year and even wondered why it’s not a 9 to 5 gig. Daddy, be gettin’ his life back during those school hours.

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