How to Be a Dad

How to Be a Dad

Nude Tax Advice

Posted by on February 6th, 2014, under NOTEBOOK

naked-tax-advice-header

Like two children squirming in front of the principal, my wife and I sat beside each other in front of our accountant’s slab of a desk.

Going over all our papers for filing, he gave us some really good news about a specific point. We looked at each other and chuckled with relief, and I explained that we’d had an argument about it when we were wrestling the Rubik’s Cube of our documents into readiness.

Raising his eyebrows, he looked up from the columns of numbers, and perched his reading glasses low on his nose so his eyes could have a direct, unobstructed connection with ours. He then offered this advice:

“If you’re going to fight with each other… always do it naked.”

We instantly burst out laughing. Not just because our sage, white-haired accountant had uttered this hilarious and naughty suggestion. But also because… we knew it worked!

We filled him in on what had happened a few months ago… (insert flashback waves here)
 

      We were outside our house. Voices raised, fighting about something. Probably kid related, but it was one of those arguments where you don’t really even remember what started it, and you get to the stage where you both don’t even know what your own point is anymore.

      As if I was someone else, I heard myself stabbing my words at my wife, and I thought, “Wow. I’m being suuuuuch a d*ck!” I knew it had to stop. Someone needed to slam on the brakes.

      She was about to shout something when she frowned in total confusion. You see, I’d quickly taken my shirt off. Her mouth stayed open wordlessly as I quickly pants myself, standing there Full Monty with my jeans and underwear around my ankles. She yelped and rushed to cover me up, giggling nervously. “What if someone sees you!” she squealed as she body-shielded me. With pretended offense, I said, “Hey! What’re you saying about how I look naked?” as I shimmied my clothes back on, chortling.

Our accountant was most impressed. Needless to say, my insta-nudity marked the utter and total end of the argument. I’m not sure if this tactic would work for all conflicts, such as riots or war, but it sure would be hilarious to see it on the news.

Hey, it worked. So when things get tense, maybe getting naked is the best course.

Follow us on Facebook. Don’t worry. We’ll stay un-naked.

Fully-Clothed Instructional Diagrams
Enough words. Time for pictures.
 

8 Comments

8 Responses to “Nude Tax Advice”

  1. Great advice. Think I’ll pick a fight with the Missus immediately, get naked, and see what happens!

  2. Carl Wilke says:

    Genius. And glad that you live in a warm-weather climate. Not sure how raft would work in the Midwest where it might take 10 minutes to peel off the layers of clothes.

  3. mattski says:

    my wife is legally blind. I would have to be within slapping range for this to have the desired effect. Doing it without knowing if I’get a slap or a de-pantsed wife in return would be tense.

  4. Seems way better than the alternative! I will admit, that when it comes to me and my husband… our arguments don’t start out with anyone naked (after all, that would probably mean much better problems) but they sure do always seem to end that way!

  5. Tanis says:

    I used to do wedding videography and we used to ask family members for advice for a fun video segment. One super drunk aunt once gave this advice on camera to the bride and groom. I have always remembered it, used it and passed the advice on because it totally works!! Fight. Over.

  6. Chris says:

    I so know what you mean about that point in the argument where you can’t remember what your initial point was, then trying to figure out how to extricate yourself without completely backing down!

    Incidentally, this nudity advice only works between couples – it does not work with cashiers in the grocery store .

  7. Christine Taylor says:

    And Flashing Ur Boobs At Ur Husband Or A Quick Twerking Show Will Render Him Speechless And The Make Up Sex Is Even Better If He’s Still A Lil Pissed ;)

  8. Laurie says:

    Totally sold on the title alone!

Leave a Reply

Notify me of followup comments via e-mail. You can also subscribe without commenting.