How to Be a Dad

How to Be a Dad

Baby Sleep Positions: “Roll-On Deodorant”

Posted by on December 16th, 2013, under INSTRUCTIONAL DIAGRAMS

Roll-On Deodorant Funny Baby Sleep Positions Picture

[ click the image to enlarge ]

Even non-parents who hold babies like they were ticking bombs will admit that the little wiggly jigglies smell like fresh-baked rainbows. But any fragrance can be made into a funk-grance with the wrong additives. I think the poet Keats once wrote, “Even a flower’s sweetest whiff wilts in a burrito factory’s cafeteria.” Or was it Shakespeare…

Baby Sleeping in Armpit Baby Sleep Positions
Photographic evidence. I know, ewwww, right? But it’s sweet, too. Even if it’s probably also really sour.

There are people out there who had a baby and still never once missed a shower, and then there are the rest of the bazillions of us. Of course, we don’t advertise this, or even want to admit it, but there were times when laying on an extra thick coat of stink-be-gone in our pits qualified as a substitute for a shower.

And so, when our little ones are snuggling around in bed with us, sometimes they wind up in up-close and way too personal sleep positions. In the morning, that new-baby-smell can take on that not-so-new-armpit-musk.

You know what they say… Pit happens.
 
 

Guide to Baby Sleep Positions Book Andy Herald and Charlie Capen It’s almost too late to order in time, but our Guide to Baby Sleep Positions book may just be the gift that makes some parents you know piss-laugh on Christmas morning. And that’s what the holiday season is all about. Buy it on Amazon!

 

See All the Baby Sleep Positions So Far
You’ll probably recognize most of these sleep positions. And thank goodness for the ones you don’t.

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23 Comments

23 Responses to “Baby Sleep Positions: “Roll-On Deodorant””

  1. I am all too familiar with this position. Now that our oldest is almost 3 she likes to experiment with different positions on the nights she sleeps in our bed. Perhaps the worst is waking to find a baby face nestled in your butt. The most common position is sideways with her head and feet on a parent.

    • Andy says:

      Parents and babies fit together ergonomically in so many ways. Mostly because babies are more flexible than an Olympic gymnastics team of plushy dolls… um… if plushy dolls were alive… and allowed in the Olypmics… and uh… were super into gymnastics never mind don’t listen to me let’s just pretend this convo never took place! ::whistles innocently::

  2. Jess says:

    Am I the only parent that has never had their child sleep with them…ever?!? Granted I may be saying this too prematurely here but my 2-1/2 yr old son won’t even leave his bed when he gets up in the morning. He just sits there and calls out “mama” or “dada” until one of us comes and gets him.

    I guess we’re the lucky few. :)

    • Ashley says:

      While I am glad that you and your family are happy in your situation with your child in his own bed I would not say that you are the lucky one. Your son sleeps in his own bed and that is what works for your family and good for you. My son sleeps in my bed and I think I am the lucky one. It works for us just as your situation works for you. And I will never look back on this time in my life and wish that he had slept in his own bed more.

    • Kevin says:

      You’re probably speaking prematurely, mine didn’t start crawling into our bed until he was just past three years old, and it’s shocking how much space such a little guy can take up. Half the time my wife, who doesn’t function well on low sleep, ends up sneaking down to the living room and sleeping on the couch, and I wake up balanced precariously on the very edge of the bed while a 3-foot tall pointy-footed pre-schooler somehow manages to occupy every other point of the bed all at once. Sometimes his cat has followed him in and perches on my pillow with his buzz-saw purr, mocking me.
      But he’s also transitioning from favouring stuffies to plastic action-figure toys, which he often gathers up and brings with him, so now I wake up precariously perched on the edge of the bed with the entire crew of Jake and the Neverland Pirates underneath me, like a bunch of Lilliputians trying to roll Gulliver off a cliff into the sea.

  3. Christina says:

    This is hilarious. Because it’s true.
    My baby daddy showers daily… Lucky nice smelling A$$
    I’m left with the sweet funky smell of spit-up and squishy boobs. No amount of baby-wipe rubs will lift this new parent stink. I’m guessing my girl will snuggle in close once she gets more mobile. She likes my brand- my familiar smells- and that’s all that matters :)

  4. JeninCanada says:

    My daughter’s fave place to sleep is in my armpit. I, thankfully, rarely if ever miss a shower so she still smells like baby and not like pit!

  5. Babies LOVE the pit position. It’s funny when a relative says the baby was smelling weird and you just nod and smile and say, “Oh no, that must be in your head. :-)”

  6. Steve says:

    My 19-month-old daughter worms her way into our bed probably 3-5 nights a week, which is pretty new for her. She had been very good for a long time about sleeping in her own room, until she got pretty sick a couple of months ago. Now, she will begin in her own bed but a few nights a week, she will wake up around 3 and whine until we bring her into our room.

    As a dad who doesn’t normally wear a shirt to bed, I am glad I’ve never woken up to the “roll-on deodorant” position. Mine likes to sleep either diagonally or in reverse (head at the foot of the bed). Basically, whatever takes up the most room, she likes.

  7. Elizabeth says:

    I’m going to get logical about this. (for some reason, I always try to find reasons behind EVERYTHING)

    The armpits are one of the places our own personal body scents collect the strongest. I am just glad the kids never buried their faces in my crotch while sleeping.

  8. cormac says:

    All three if mine loved this position, no matter how many times i woke during the night to give myself mire space the would always arrive back there and have me eiken and moving them again 2 hrs later.

  9. Robin says:

    I swear, this is my daughter’s favorite position. One of the reasons I had to give up co-sleeping was because I couldn’t handle the stank.

  10. I wish my little guy would snuggle up to his daddy’s pit! He’s usually snuggled right up to my boob. lol Yeah, he makes daddy jealous.

    • Andy says:

      Totally totally know where he’s comin’ from. While a delight to see them so close to mama, it can be a little “aw jeez shucks” for dada.

  11. Beky says:

    Congrats on being in Reader’s Digest!

  12. Carol says:

    LOL! This is too funny! Thanks for sharing!

  13. Lillian says:

    May I make a suggestion for the series? The Trust Fall. To properly execute a Trust Fall, the toddler scales the headboard, then launches himself backwards onto one or both sleeping parents. Bonus points are awarded for hitting the nose or groin. Repeat until dawn or a trip to the ER.

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