How to Be a Dad

How to Be a Dad

The “Hm” Scale of Women


The Hm Scale of Women Funny Chart Hmmmmmmm

Women probably have an “Uh” scale like The “Uh” Scale of Men I showed you last week, but repetition can be pretty boring. So I’ve chosen this Hm scale to demonstrate how the length and tone of a spoken word/sound can change its meaning. Especially for women.

Why especially for women? The varied meanings of a woman’s words are vastly more important to understand than a man’s, due to the fact that women generally tend to be verbal ninjas of subtlety and nuance. Don’t believe me, Doubty McNonbelieverson? Ask a man what color the walls are and he’ll say “orange-ish” where a woman will say “autumn sunset in Tuscany.” The same is isn’t just so true for small words and sounds, it’s sooooooo true. You see?

Think about it. Those fast, clipped Hm’s can sizzle like a paper cut. Those long, drawn out Hmmmmmmm’s can have someone signing up for the witness protection program. Even if they haven’t witnessed anything and don’t even have a clue what generated so many m’s in the Hm to begin with.

This isn’t just a good survival tip for men; even women need to be on their A-game with other women. Study the scale and practice it by reciting it to yourself. Make sure no one can overhear you, though; they may think that something is very wrong with you or way too right.


Follow us on Facebook. Hmmmmmm.

Instructional Diagrams Aren’t Very Subtle
These really won’t leave you guessing. Easy as A-B-C and just as dumb.


13 Responses to “The “Hm” Scale of Women”

  1. Jess says:

    Is it odd that I’d like to tattoo this to my forehead to better explain myself when I’m communicating with ANYONE?! My “HM”s don’t lie, they’re just really hard to understand.

    • Andy says:

      As someone with this tattooed on the insides of my eyelids, I’m gonna have to go with no, that’s not odd. It’s worked out, too. I’m now pretty fluent in Hmese.

  2. I just showed this to my wife. She said “hmmmm.”

  3. Jo says:

    Bahahahaha…soooooooo true. See what I did right there?!?! Funny, too but true! My ‘Hmmms’ are usually very easy to understand, only because my family has learned to read the facial/body language that accompanies them…when I say family, I mostly mean my husband…

  4. Smithy says:

    These are hilarious! Would you guys let us print these diagrams in our parenting magazine?

  5. Laurie says:

    Nicely done! I was looking forward to this after the men’s scale last week!

  6. Elisa says:

    Hahaha great! The uh scale was funny but this is great but best of all they are both true pmsl I’m gonna share this soooo much!

  7. Faiqa says:

    This was brilliant. But I regret to inform you that special ops have been dispatched because this shit was classified…

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