How to Be a Dad

How to Be a Dad

A Guide to Extreme Flu Preparedness & Response for Families

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Extreme Flu Preparedness and Response An Illustrated Guide for Families

Being sick sucks. However, it is the Seventh Circle of Suck when you have kids, or your kids are sick, or it’s an all out family-demic.

Good news is: there are steps you can take. Bad news is: I didn’t include any of the helpful ones you should take to prevent or deal with sickness in your household. Whoopsie!

If you’re a parent who’s presently in bed, surrounded by moaning kids, sitting in snow drifts of snotty tissues, I hope this made you laugh (without coughing up a lung). Aaaaaactually, I don’t mind if the lung thing happened so long as you laughed. Consider Instructional Diagrams your own personal LOLzenges.*

* If this guide wasn’t funny enough to make you laugh-blast a yard of goopy mucus from your throat or nostrils, try coming back when your fever peaks. I hear delirium can make things seem way funnier.

 
Stay healthy, everyone! And if you mess that up, board yourself up in a room, cut out a feeding slot in the door and fire up the Internet. KITTENS!

Potty FAILing (A True Story)
If you’re a germaphobe, you probably shouldn’t read this.

Our Germ-free Facebook Page
REMEMBER! Don’t post about how sick you are! Like our Page instead. (It’s germ-free.)
 

26 Comments

26 Responses to “A Guide to Extreme Flu Preparedness & Response for Families”

  1. Ricky says:

    I would agree, the tunnel from ET was pretty dang cool!

  2. Mollie says:

    Add head lice and you’ve got my household nailed!

  3. Jill says:

    Made me think of the time three of my five family members were puking in the same bowl at the same time. Ew.

    • Andy says:

      I must apologize. You see, that’s supposed to be awful, but… I am beyond fascinated at the mental reconstruction of that scene. WOW! Ha ha! Holy shhhhhhhhhared puked bowl!

      • Jill says:

        Oh, I still laugh. Mostly because I wasn’t one of the three. And partly because cleanup was relatively easy compared to the awfulness it could have been.

        • Andy says:

          I’ve already added about two or three familiy members to your family in my imagination just to make it even more epic a visual. But, I’m glad you weren’t involved in the Fill the Punch Bowl extravaganza. ;)

  4. juliette says:

    I thought the bling on the gloves was there to stop the kids to wipe their snotty noses on them,and spread the pandemic… Thats what I’d use em for anyways lol..

    • Andy says:

      You see? You’re already improving on the idea. Brilliant.

      • juliette says:

        So bedazzeld and made of a dark fabric. Dried up snot leaves its mark,that way you see what you are dealing with..
        One more thing to equip your surroundings with,a black light.
        Making your home look like a cheap stripper bar will provide you with scientific proof of evey bit of bodily fluid spread around.
        Its also a great tool for when raising a boy and proving to him his aim needs practice.. ;)

        • Ryan says:

          juliette you are a genius! never thought of that. thnx

          • juliette says:

            Awe shucks.. Feel free to use it in the next guide..
            As a single Mother of 3 (1girl 16 2 boys 11 and 6)
            I needed to develop survival protocols that would defeat zombie level outbreaks .. My knowledge is all yours to share if only to help a parent not to stay up 4 days in a row picking ip puke..

  5. Ryan says:

    We’re in the 2nd round of 7th circle of suck at our house. I’m experiencing my first sinus infection + double ear infection of my life. 3 yr old has barking seal cough. Husband out of town entire week. Cat just threw up in the bedroom and nanny is on vacation. Don’t want to know what 8th circle of suck feels like.

    • Andy says:

      Um… wow. My entire family went down and all my coworkers, so I feel your pain, even if the stories are different. I hope this Instructional Diagram made you stick your tongue out at the horror and laugh a bit.

    • Manda says:

      8th circle of suck must be where we’re at- four cases of Type A flu (They didn’t confirm which specific strain- but I’m thinking “Martian Death.”), at least two secondary respiratory infections, a teething infant, and suspiciously healthy and overactive five-year-old.

      I think the five-year-old brought it home from preschool. She had it two years ago so I think she’s immune….that or she paid off the flu fairy with leftover Halloween candy.

  6. Laurie says:

    Wow, that is pretty funny! I will never ever be able to think of Tissues now without tampons. Tissues and Tampons was such a good name! It is SO SO cold where I am, not to mention still digging out of 3 feet of snow and there is just too much sickness every where! HATE the winter!

    • Andy says:

      Oh wow! The Tissue and Tampons compliment has my eyes all wide with pride. ::blush::

      I should be really thankful for Southern Californian weather when my family gets sick, but I still piss and moan like a toddler. Ha ha!

  7. Ryan says:

    My sinuses are revolting against me. And what’s worse is they’ve enlisted the help of both my inner ears. Sinus infection + a double ear infection! (not awesome) Someone said try some Bourbon but I’m not so sure? Isn’t that just for a cough? The antibiotics they put me on are bigger than my iPhone and surprisingly get better reception. Or maybe thats the Bourbon? Plus my husbands been on a work trip all week long. Hurry up and get home honey. Mommy’s barely holding it together;0 (my last FB status)

    • juliette says:

      take a garlic clove (I’m french,so I’m not sure the term is good)and slice it so it fits your ear drum,but not to lose it in there. Keep it as long as possible. Fresh garlic is a very very powerful anti everything. The garlic oil in it should kill whats having a viral or bacterial party behind your ear drum,desolve it,and the pressure of those gone,your pain should be gone tommorrow. Works for me and my kids,and it’s a trick my Dr gave me since I had cancer and have lupus. (aka no immune system)
      Anyways,you smell like crap but who wants to get that close anyways lol
      Sinuses,eucalyptus oil. pure,be careful it could irritate skin,specially the lil ones.
      On a cotton ball,sniff it. Sinuses melt,but clear up lol
      For the kids,eucalyptus .. suppositories. I know.
      But it works. And for adults too lol

  8. Catherine Caldwell-Harris says:

    I laughed so hared that snot and tears were running comingled down my chin. I’m still laughing so hard that snot might run into my mouth if I don’t stop typing to wip

  9. Jeff says:

    Haha, I live with a family of projectile pukers with awful aim. While driving, word for word, I quote, spouse: “I think I’m going to be sick. I need to puke.” Me:”okay, we can roll down the window and you can puke all over the side of the car for all I care, just don’t get it on the…” SPOUSE: “Hwaaaaaaghlblaglwabla (splatter, drip) baby, can you clean me up?”

  10. Delta says:

    Tape the bucket to the kid – in case of severe stomach flu ! Works fine on the 2 year old boy ! Plus he thinks its a good spot to put the toy cars … and then puke on them …. I have survived 3 Stomach flu epidemic without a scratch or a scar or having to puke … as well ! Rubber gloves – NO touching mom law – Scrub/ mask ( like nurses of course ) – And Fantastique Bleach Action bubble !! I swear that stuff will kill anything ! Oh and dont forget the retractable claw thingy – for the more nasty stuff ….and lot of duck tape and buckets !

    Or u could just go and vaccinate them against it – like i did XD when i got fed up with puke O rama !

  11. The ET tunnel got me. I need to recreate one for my classroom- I bring home the nastiest germs.

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