Tissues & Tampons
My entire family just went down with the flu at the same time. It was like a horror movie, one by one we fell. My wife was the last one standing. For a while, she even deluded herself that this would be one of those movies where one character gets out alive, to reflect on the terror and loss, and set up a sequel. No dice.
A couple of days into her Influenzapalooza, she hobbled over to me and whipper-hissed with an intensity that was kind of scary despite how weak she looked…
“It should be a Law of Nature that women can’t be sick and have their period at the same time!”
I winced on her behalf and fully agreed. Feeling like a bucket of fermented dung myself, I thought what multiplying that by two would feel like. It was impossible for me not to shudder.
Something needed to be done about it. But what?
I started daydreaming about it. How do you change the world? And look really edgy and cool doing so? Urban sticker or graffiti campaign! That’s how!
Now, you may say: You can’t campaign against things like biology and Nature.
To which I’d reply: Hey, you may say I’m a dreamer, but I’m NOT the only one.
You: You’re a friggin’ nutcase!
Me: ♫ I hope someday you’ll join us… ♫
You: Hey! Put those stickers and glue away! I’m gonna call the cops!
Me: I’ve had a fever for three days straight, okay! (As I’m running away) The world will live as one!!! (Or shuffling pretty fast at least)
Ehem. So yeah.
All fever delirium aside, my point is that a woman getting sick AND getting her monthly visitor sounds like just about the worst thing ever because it apprently is. Throw motherhood into the bargain and start adding more kids and you’ve got flaming heap of a bad deal for the ladies. (Women love being referred to generally as “the ladies” by men, by the way. Did I mention my fever got as high as 104.7?)
Remember, people, even if there are some things we can’t change, like basic biology and Nature, we can at least piss and moan about them.
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Feverbook
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Instructional Diagrams
Some of these look like they were created under the influence of way too much Robitussin, but I swear I never touch the stuff.
35 Comments
35 Responses to “Tissues & Tampons”
Been there done that. Wine her down. It helps with cramps. Just a glass or two. Chase with pedialyte.
Ha ha ha ha ha! Any particular vintage on the wine or pedialyte? Ha ha!
Period. Sinus infection. Airplane. *hand raised, drops mic*
Ha ha ha ha! ::full-body-suited team enters the room:: ::mic is picked up between thumb and forefinger with the pinky out:: ::mic is deposited in hazmat bag::
I LOL’ed. Or rather, properly, I L’ed OL.
Pregnancy. Migraine. Sinus Infection. Airplane. Brother’s Wedding. :/
:shudders::
I see your Period, Sinus infection, Airplane, and I raise you: Period (and not just my own *ahem*). Respiratory infection. Head cold. Laryngitis and Christmas. BOOYAH.
I’ve said at my home several times, “It is far easier for me to take care others when they are sick than myself, because I still have to take of others’ needs either way!” Add the monthly visitor in there and you’ll wish you had Nurse Ratched instead!
Menstruation and illness makes mommy a zombie!
So true. I was holding out hope she wouldn’t get it too. Apparently holding out hope is a completely ineffective deterrent for flu contagion though.
Second only to being sick and going into labor…my sympathy to your wife!
ARG!!! Nightmares for everyone!
Oh my…you win…that beats all.
Yeah, it’s pretty nasty.
I hope you all were at least able to avoid the emergency room.
Not my worst experience, specifically tampon-related, though. I used to get horrible nosebleeds as a kid. One day, when I was in 4th grade, I had a real gusher at school. The nurse was so desperate to stop it, she grabbed two “junior” tampons and stuck them up my nose…..then she sent me to sit in the hallway to wait for my mom to come pick me up.
So got to be on display for my entire elementary school for about an hour-and-a-half. Now that I think of it, I don’t know why it took her so long to get there. I ended up having to go to the ER because it just wouldn’t stop!
This. Is. Amazing. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! I’ll be honest, when I get the flu there’s a certain point where my nose is running so much that I just plug my nostrils with tissue. And now… I may just try out a couple of OBs next time. I know I should be, but I am not joking.
We had this wonderful combination last year, just a few weeks ago… right during christmas!! A whole feast of roasted goose (we don’t do turkey) was missed.
I feel empathetically bad for you and I’m drooling for roast duck. Interesting combo.
Opening yourself up to a bunch a period stories now! I couldn’t agree more with these words..I was due on my wedding day, my body decided to play nice and spare us all, but saved it for day 2 of my honeymoon! Spent days in bed on my honeymoon, sucked! Sucks all the time without fail, but combined with other major things like illness and human interaction (for me) is just a freaking nightmare..I wish it would just GO AWAY!
New favorite post by the way!
Wow! :blush::
UGH! Yep. I knew what I was getting into when I posted this. Some of these commented stories are truly awful-mazing (yours included). That experience sounds hideous. Yikes!
I must be alone in this, because I’d actually *prefer* to be sick and have my period at the same time.
I hate not feeling sexy while I’m on period (yes, I know you can still have sex while you’re menstruating, but it’s just so messy for me [pleasuring him is, obviously, still valid any time...except when you're congested, of course]), and I hate not feeling sexy while I’m ill. To have to deal with that for two weeks (or two five-day periods, or whatever) is terrible. I’d much rather suffer through everything at once and get it over with in one fell swoop. I think my husband would agree with me, too.
I can kind of see your point on the “get it all over with” approach but my god this one was bad for all of us. Just can’t fathom it being worse. ARG!!!
Gah. Illness and menstruation are two things that SHOULD be mutually exclusive, and while unpleasant in the extreme, when you can lay in bed all day and don’t have to worry about kids because you don’t have ‘em, and you can growl at your spouse when you don’t need him for something, it’s not so bad.
It’s horrendous when you’re sick, you start, and you have sick kids…especially if one of those kids is your spouse. Because there is no end in sight. And there is no end in sight. Did I mention that there’s no end in sight? I have experienced such horrors, and every hour is like a decade.
Mothers seriously need a get-out-of-flu [or any illness]-free card until their youngest kid is 8. At least.
“Mothers seriously need a get-out-of-flu [or any illness]-free card until their youngest kid is 8.” AMEN! I want one!
Did you just turn a My Wife Just Said into a plea for world change by way of Lennon?
You should go febrile more often.
YES!!! I was afraid no one would notice!
Might be a little tmi but I’m going through that combination right now. Started the same day and everything. I told my husband the same thing thastupid period justmultiples everything. Truly sucks!
Try stomach flu with vomiting and diarrhea while being on your cycle! I can’t imagine adding kids to that one!!
Just a couple of weeks ago: Got my period. Threw my back out, was stranded on the floor. My 7yr and 5yr olds had to put their 20mo old brother down for his nap. Did I mention I homeschool? Ugh. Also, never, ever sneeze when your back is out. I didn’t cry when I gave birth. I wept after that sneeze. Props to the lady in your life!
I can picture that an…shudder!
YIKES! I’ve done that, minus the period, the sneeze with my back out… I know the horror. That pre-sneeze tickle is like watching a car come at you, you know what about to happen and it is going to be the worst thing ever.
Ah, I have been there…and right before Christmas at that! (Flu, flow, and festivities definately DO NOT MIX).
But it is not the worst…oh no. Taking care of a toddler with stomach flu THREE TIMES while pregnant, and catching it from him EVERY TIME…that is the worst. AS IF morning sickness were not enough!
Hope you all are over it soon.
Flu, flow, and festivities? I think you missed an f word. GAH!
(PS…and yes, that was all in one single pregnancy).
Flu/sinus infection, period (by which I mean “insane amounts of pain combined with epic emotional outbursts”….yes my periods suck), Christmas time, and a plane ride. When my ears popped after said plane ride, it sounded like someone set off a high pitched bomb in my ear….felt like it too.
F U mother nature. You’ll get yours….yes…yes you will.
Ha ha! Arg! I’ve travelled on a plane while sick only once. Nothing that come close to what you described. She’s can be a real bitch, good ol’ Mother Nature.