How to Be a Dad

How to Be a Dad

Safety from Children: Baseball Bat Warning


Safety from Children: Baseball Bat Warning

Attention: Adults trying out new things tend to suck pretty badly at them at first. Kids are the same in this respect, only smaller and more energetic. It’s this smallness though, that happens to create a dramatic increase in Peril for nearby adults. You see, for a child, when something goes wrong while learning or practicing, it’s going to happen at a lower height. Hence PERIL! “Hitting foul balls” takes on a new dimension. A really bad dimension.

Remember, it’s hard to teach anyone anything when you’re lying on the ground writhing in pain, so wear the proper protective gear. Feel free to over-do it. Duct-taping a catcher’s mask to the front of your pants may seem silly, but it won’t seem silly the moment you hear the loud clunk of a baseball bat striking it at full speed.

Peril is everywhere children are. Play safely! Teach safely!

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17 Responses to “Safety from Children: Baseball Bat Warning”

  1. H* says:

    thanks God in Spain kids don’t use to play baseball!!!! They’re all into soccer!

  2. Braindonkey says:

    Having a girl doesn’t exclude me from this danger. Being a non-sport geek does. Sort of.
    Gotten shinned teaching her soccer.
    Bloodied a lip sword fighting.
    Been head butted in the nads enough to ensure she is an only child.
    Soccerball to nads.

    All of these are due to not paying attention. Normally I get the girly cross your leg jump and tun move down pat like a star.

    • Andy says:

      Peril is everywhere! Good use of the girly-leg-up-turn defense. It’s worthy of hours of practice for anyone who would rather hurt their thigh or his than their Peril-Zone.

  3. It’s amusing to watch my husband squirm when playing with Abby. He probably doesn’t find it amusing. But she doesn’t get all those mishaps and the pain they cause him. Ooops.

    Also, I have a thought on another baby sleeping positions diagram. It goes something like this:

    Two year old is in the middle.
    Hubs has plenty of room and most of the covers
    Two year old insists on snuggling with mommy
    Two year old is so smooshy that she nudges mom to the edge of the bed.
    Mom fights to stay on the bed, with one arm and leg flung over the side.

    That was me the other night.

  4. Tad says:

    I see posts like this, and I envision sprawling “Dad Test Laboratories” where beclipboarded men in lab coats look through 1-way glass into lab-rat rooms, observing various scenarios involving dads getting crotch-cified by children.

    You must have quite an research operation to come out with documentation like this.

  5. Phil says:

    All part of their diabolical plan to try and make sure they don’t have baby siblings. Not that it will make Dad sterile, rather it will make Dad PREFER to be sterile.

  6. Seriously. Did you guys know you were hilarious?

    Just checking.

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