How to Be a Dad

How to Be a Dad

My Wife Just Said… #47

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“Oh please already! Put your penis AWAY!”
[to 2yo Lucas, not to her husband, Andy] -Elizabeth



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24 Responses to “My Wife Just Said… #47”

  1. Brad Jenkins says:

    I’m sure she’s said that to Andy, too. Just this time it happened to be directed elsewhere. If you, as a man, don’t hear that on a regular basis you need to try harder.

  2. Braindonkey says:

    heh. My daughter did the girl version for the longest time. grabs both labia and pulls apart, yelling “look!”. Then she would diddle herself, which causes all sorts of panic/wtfdoido problems. Can’t tell her to stop because it will establish a “dirtiness” for when older. But yet, need to tell her to not do it because it’s inappropriate when people are around. Discomfort Level Ultra.

    • Ken says:

      The first time I caught my (then) 6 year old “diddling her bean” in the bathtub was the LAST time daddy was in charge of bath time! I think that kids are designed to do what will make you the most uncomfy at any given time…and that certainly maxed the “ummm, no?!” meter!

      I just gave her the “2 minute” warning for the end of bathtime and walked away…and told my wife I wasn’t going back in that bathroom anymore! We moved shortly thereafter*…

      *we moved for different reasons, but it does sound funny when you say it like that… πŸ™‚

    • Andy says:

      Holy crap! Ha ha ha ha ha! It’s true. Same thing for the penis taffy pulling habit. Getting uppity about it is just going to draw too much attention or anxiousness about it. There’s ALREADY going to be a massive amount of attention on it by default.

  3. mo says:

    Ha! I just made the rule that penis playing needed to be relegated to the shower/bath or bed. That it was a-ok, but that it wasn’t something we did out in the living room or when guests were over. It seemed to work out pretty well.

    And I’m sure I’ve said this to my husband on more than a few occasions!

  4. Amy says:

    My 9 month old just discovered his penis. It is slightly disturbing when I’m cleaning his diaper and he starts laughing when I wipe his privates. My husband said it’s just because all guys like a good scratch and rearrange.

  5. Alan says:

    I’m with mo. Same rule in our house. We have two boys (6 & 21mo.), both are “intact” and fascinated with their foreskins. Totally natural and scolding will most definitely cause issues down the line.
    It is interesting though that during post-bath lotion application time, the toddler rather enjoys helping by applying a healthy dose to his penis (entirely on his own I assure you!). Didn’t take him long to figure that one out!

    • Phil says:

      There are just so many things that aren’t in the manual. I think the people who write the “What To Expect Books” just say “Nah, don’t print that. Let the parents deal with THAT one on their own.”

      I have two girls. I know to avert my eyes when they are walking backwards towards me. Naked.

    • Andy says:

      Sounds like he’s ahead of the game. Uh oh. Ha ha ha ha ha!

  6. eriol78 says:

    Lucas should consider this as basic training.

  7. Christina says:

    My almost 3yo still doesn’t do this. Occassionally he’s “happy” for hid diaper change, but he’s never once tried to play with it.

    Almost makes me wonder if something is wrong with HIM…lol.

    I’ve made a promise to myself that the only time I will say no is during a diaper change because that’s when it IS dirty =p

    • Andy says:

      That’s amazing! That the lack of genital banjo playing made you wonder!

    • mo says:

      It’s possibly because he’s still in diapers, less free hanging time! My kids were both out of diapers by 2-2.5 and we started with diaper free half naked running around the house time. They definitely go to town when they are running wild and free!

      • Christina says:

        We do diaper-less time. Its just easier to get him to use the potty when he’s naked… But the DH cringes watching the rug rat run naked, falling naked, playing with legos naked.

        He’s just waiting for the rug burn on that sensitive male anatomy…lol.

      • Andy says:

        Ha ha ha ha! I refer my boys’ nudie time as “flappin’ in the wind.”

        • mo says:

          Yes, “flappin’ in the wind” is good! Or “play with your favorite toy” time, or “dear god, I didn’t realize it stretched that far” time…etc, etc. I’ve found myself telling my 2.5 year old a lot recently to be gentle to his penis! I swear it sometimes looks like he’s going to rip it off, and yet he’s happy as can be. πŸ™‚

  8. Shirley says:

    I must comment on this one. If I’ve already written about this little episode, just ignore me and put it down to old age. So, my now 28, then 7 year old daughter happens to be standing by the bathroom door watching her 4 year old brother peeing. My poor (HA) husband is walking by the bathroom and my daughter says, “Daddy. Can you do anything with your penis besides pee?” I am downstairs, rapt, listening for his answer. (heheheeheheee!!) He says, tentatively, “Like what sweetie?” She says, “Oh, I don’t know. Like picking up pencils?” He answers, “NO.No. Just peeing. That’s it.” She, disgusted, says, “Oh well then, Forget it!” So much for Freudian penis envy. πŸ™‚

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