Nothing can prepare you. Nothing!
Just like war, no matter what you read or watch, or how many in-the-trenches stories you hear from gray-faced veteran parents, nothing—NOTHING!!!—can prepare you for the amount of pee, puke and poop that will be unleashed upon you once your baby arrives. The 3 Ps of Parenting.
Mothers may even agree that the very process of pregnancy seems like a kind of biological (not-so)dry-run of the 3 Ps for themselves. Preparing them for what will eventually come out of their baby, endlessly.
When you become a parent, at first it can seem harmless. Impressive, but no big deal. Pee may start out as an odorless tinkle only to later become a savage spray of noxious glowstick juice. Puke* can range from something yogurty, at first, to violent eruptions of toxic food lava. And poop… (Shudder). Poop can begin as cute little pieces of driftwood, only to transform over time into devastating dirty bomb attacks.
* Some may argue that puke is the worst. Sorry. It can’t give you pink eye and the happy-go-pukeys like poop can.
Hopefully this chart has helped clueless expecting couples gain some idea of the varying levels of threat they will most certainly encounter when
the war begins their baby arrives. And, for seasoned parents, sorry for bringing back nightmares of the 3 Ps.
Disclosure: Like two robots that combine into one super rad giant robot, we are joining forces with Clorox to bring you this sponsored message, so you can laugh until you experience one of the 3 Ps yourself and to let you know that you can share your best messy moments for the Bleach It Away Campaign for a chance to win $15,000. (See the Rules)
Enter to Win $15,000!!!
If you don’t enter… just… why NOT?!? 120 characters! C’mon! How lazy can a human being get???
Nah, I just like replacing the word Face- with other words.
Poop for Days
As far as the eye can see. Poop.