Parent Safety: Thanksgiving InnuenDON’TS
When you haven’t eaten in a while, you get hungry. When “a while” is actually the length of time things need to fossilize, you starve! You can start smelling delicious phantom whiffs, or hear something you could have sworn was bacon joyously sizzling a second ago. It’s the same with sex. Except for the sizzling pork product sound. Well… maybe that was actually an amazing innuendo.
While unmarried, kidless couples sometimes run some laps in the Sex Deprivation race, parents are obviously the long-distance marathon runners of the sport. After so many “days without,” they can easily fall victim to reading sexy things into the simplest, completely innocent statements.
So, protect yourself from yourself and each other. Don’t accidentally get your partner’s hopes up. Especially if you know their hopes are on a hair-trigger and ready to go off at the slightest hint. Even if there’s really no hint. Of sex or bacon.
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25 Comments
25 Responses to “Parent Safety: Thanksgiving InnuenDON’TS”
That made me laugh at 5:41 a.m. Well done!
I thought this sort of innuendo was how most parents make it to bedtime each night. No?
Ha ha! It’s tryptophan in our house. Your house beats mine.
Hitting the nail on the head! (Wait, that’s not an innuendo right?) per the usual!
Give the man a cigar! Okay, maybe that was an innuendon’t. Sorry.
Thank goodness someone finally!
Which is unfortunate because I know I won’t be saying that this weekend, or anytime soon.
All I can say is that Turkey Day dinner is going to be mighty awkward (and sexually charged) AT MY PARENTS HOUSE on Thursday. And no one is even going to know it…okay every.single.one of them will know it. This IS me after all.
But now I have an uninnuentional guide…LOL!
Ha ha! No awkwardness intennuendoed.
It’s safe to say that I’m officially the Valedictorian of Awkwardtown because my dad saw my share of this, purchased in-flight wi-fi, and hopped on Facebook to tell me how funny he thought it was…I think this is what winning the internet feels like? :/
Wow! Amazing. The Internet is a fun game to play. But it sucks a lot of my quarters and my credit. Still fun.
I leaderboarded along with Kittens:
Banana Added for Scale?
Just…be like me and stick to the penny slots and free drinks. This casino is big enough for everyone.
Well played.
I can, unfortunately, relate. My husband is the king of innuendos, but alas, has lately become quite the picky eater.
You are going to be responsible for me randomly giggling to myself all weekend. Thank you.
You are most welcome. Dig in.
My husband may feel better after seeing this, that it really isn’t just us… a 3 year old and 1 year old make it pretty tough.
the typo…*twitch* is it a joke I’m missing or to drive people like me crazy
DAMMIT! What is it? It’s not intended, just due to my lameness.
Found it! ARG!!!! Thanks. Pretty soon I’ll be spelling it as “highth” :/
thank you! and easy mistake. the planets have realigned and all is right with the world
Leave it to you boys to turn a day of giving thanks into something dirty. Hilarious.
You’re welcome.
This of course lead perfectly to the myriad of innuendos that will surface during the decoration of the Christmas tree. “Honey grab those balls (ornaments) right there.”
Great post!
Ha ha! The Holidays can be so dirty.
Didn’t see this one but this is just hilarious. Love you post. Still having hangover from Thanksgiving.