How to Be a Dad

How to Be a Dad

Parent Safety: Thanksgiving InnuenDON’TS


Funny Warning Sign Parent Safety Thanksgiving Innuendon'ts

When you haven’t eaten in a while, you get hungry. When “a while” is actually the length of time things need to fossilize, you starve! You can start smelling delicious phantom whiffs, or hear something you could have sworn was bacon joyously sizzling a second ago. It’s the same with sex. Except for the sizzling pork product sound. Well… maybe that was actually an amazing innuendo.

While unmarried, kidless couples sometimes run some laps in the Sex Deprivation race, parents are obviously the long-distance marathon runners of the sport. After so many “days without,” they can easily fall victim to reading sexy things into the simplest, completely innocent statements.

So, protect yourself from yourself and each other. Don’t accidentally get your partner’s hopes up. Especially if you know their hopes are on a hair-trigger and ready to go off at the slightest hint. Even if there’s really no hint. Of sex or bacon.


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Muhuhahahahahahahahah! Okay I’m done now. Or am I?


26 Responses to “Parent Safety: Thanksgiving InnuenDON’TS”

  1. That made me laugh at 5:41 a.m. Well done!

  2. I thought this sort of innuendo was how most parents make it to bedtime each night. No?

  3. Kyle says:

    Hitting the nail on the head! (Wait, that’s not an innuendo right?) per the usual!

  4. Maggie says:

    Thank goodness someone finally!

    Which is unfortunate because I know I won’t be saying that this weekend, or anytime soon.

  5. Jess says:

    All I can say is that Turkey Day dinner is going to be mighty awkward (and sexually charged) AT MY PARENTS HOUSE on Thursday. And no one is even going to know it…okay of them will know it. This IS me after all.

    But now I have an uninnuentional guide…LOL!

  6. Jessica says:

    I can, unfortunately, relate. My husband is the king of innuendos, but alas, has lately become quite the picky eater.

  7. Mother Duck says:

    You are going to be responsible for me randomly giggling to myself all weekend. Thank you.

  8. Nicole A says:

    My husband may feel better after seeing this, that it really isn’t just us… a 3 year old and 1 year old make it pretty tough.

  9. kit says:

    the typo…*twitch* is it a joke I’m missing or to drive people like me crazy

  10. kit says:

    thank you! and easy mistake. the planets have realigned and all is right with the world πŸ˜‰

  11. Leave it to you boys to turn a day of giving thanks into something dirty. Hilarious.

  12. Gary says:

    This of course lead perfectly to the myriad of innuendos that will surface during the decoration of the Christmas tree. “Honey grab those balls (ornaments) right there.”

    Great post!

  13. Christian Rene Friborg says:

    Didn’t see this one but this is just hilarious. Love you post. Still having hangover from Thanksgiving.

  14. Jo says:

    LOL, as soon as I saw this post, I knew who wrote it…is that bad?!? I would take it as a compliment, Andy, really, I would! An aside, my husband has come up with some real wingdingers (see what I did there?!?)in his day, as far as innuendos…What is it with men and wanting sex 24/7?!?!

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