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Disney Announces Possible Star Wars Film Titles

Posted by on November 1st, 2012, under NOTEBOOK

Star Wars Disney Movie Titles Droid Story
Fanboys and girls all over the world sensed a disturbance in the force on Tuesday when shocking news spread that Lucasfilm had been bought by Disney Studios.

Reactions varied, but the consensus was a relief that we would, once again, get our Star Wars addiction satisfied. Just look at their great work with Marvel! What’s more interesting, however, is the studio’s announcement that there will be a new Star Wars movie every two to three years.

We have been corresponding with Disney about the Lucasfilm acquisition, even before the purchase was final. And they have given us inside access about the development of these new films.

So, we present to you, without approval by Disney and its stakeholders, the new, top-secret titles of the upcoming Star Wars films under Disney management!

Finding Yoda Finding Nemo Movie Title

Finding Yoda

This will be the tale of a 300-year-old boy named Yoda who is scooped up by the Empire from his home of Dagobah, amongst the plants, and how his father must brave the farthest reaches of space to find him. Yoda’s father teams up with Dory Dory Binks, a useless, idiotic character who barely says anything intelligible, but has an affable quality that most of the audience find annoying by the end of the film.

Droid Story Toy Story Movie Title

Droid Story

Follow Sheriff Wookiee and Buzz Lightsaber as they travel through space to make sure Andy Wan Kenobi still loves them. When they are forced to confront Darth Sid and a bunch of broken protocol droids who control a sector of the universe, Wookiee and Buzz realize they’ve got friends indeed… who can force choke a fool.

Pirates of the Empire Pirates of the Caribbean

Pirates of the Empire: The Kessel Run

Disney already has sequels lined up to remakes of sequels for the Star Wars. Though this will be a sequel to the wildly popular original Pirates of the Empire, there will be a host of new enemies and special effects. PE:KR is a swashbuckling adventure that soars over the sandy dunes of Tatooine and will feature a spectacular performance by Johnny Depp as Lando Calrissian’s adopted son, Brando. Depp chose to sign-on so he could do his version of a Marlon Brando impression. Watch out for the musical numbers and ridiculous comic-relief characters, though.

Peter Padawan Peter Pan Movie Title

Peter Padawan

Neverland never looked so much like Endor. And that’s because this film is going to be shot in the very same forests of Marin County to to look identical to the home of the Ewoks. Produced by the same crew who did the film Brave, the cast will be comprised entirely of native Scottish speakers, and marks Mel Gibson’s return as actor/director. Imagine Braveheart combined with Apocalypto with a dash of Spielberg’s Hook. Actually, nevermind. This one might be fake.

The Lightsaber and the Stone Sword and the Stone Movie Title

The Lightsaber in the Stone

Before we get a BAJILLION comments saying the plasma of a lightsaber could never be held or sustained within any known stone, just think of this: WHAT IF THE STONE WAS MADE OF ADMANTIUM? ::commence nerdgasm:: Forget that unobtanium junk from Avatar, this is legit. Can’t you see the plot now? Young boy learns from an older wizard-type about the ways of old magic. Ah, hell. That’s Star Wars: A New Hope, isn’t it?

101 Jawas 101 Dalmatians Movie Title

101 Jawas

When we saw the Jawas in the first Star Wars movie, we knew two things: they’re pygmy, rodent-like creatures who make cute sounds, and Disney merch would have a FIELD DAY marketing these guys as toys to kids. Well, now you’ll be able to collect all 101 of them! This film already has director Ben Affleck attached, and Meryl Streep set to play Cruella De Vader. Did we mention the merchandising opportunities?

Beauty and the Wookiee Beauty and the Beast

Beauty and the Wookiee

We all loved Chewie (Chewbacca), didn’t we? WHAT IF… he and Leia had a secret love that was left unfulfilled? Well, in this film, Chewie and Leia’s banter isn’t just platonic. Those scratches behind the ears aren’t simply friendly gestures. They are caresses, know what I’m saying? Shaq has already been cast ti play our favorite, flirtacious Wookiee.

Darth White and the Seven Sandpeople Snow White and the Seven Dwarves Movie Title

Darth White & the Seven Sandpeople

We know Disney is famous for their depiction of the ‘tragic fate of parents’ narratives, so why not weave Anakin Skywalker’s storyline as a younger Darth Vader, an unassuming half-human, half-cyborg, with infinite power as master of the Dark Side, with a sweet and unassuming princess story? The early reports on this film show Vader returning to his roots to escape an evil priestess, where he stumbles upon seven sandpeople who take him in. He quickly realizes the crime he has committed was wrong, and the true power of friendship. There’s Snooty, Pilfer, Grainy, Boofer, Granpoo, Spilge & Smegtoe. In the end, Vader slaughters them all anyway. Go figure.

So, there you have it. The top secret word about Disney’s new Star Wars movies. Next up, we’ll be discussing Disney’s plans for the Indiana Jones franchise, and the upcoming announcement about the next sequel: Indiana Jones and the Temple of Pooh.

Your faithful padawans,

Charlie & Andy

-

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43 Comments

43 Responses to “Disney Announces Possible Star Wars Film Titles”

  1. Pirates of the Empire? Brando Calrissian? Hilarious! Maybe this is low hanging fruit, but what about The Emperor’s New Groove Episode II? Thanks guys.

  2. Steve says:

    I wonder if Disney is contractually obligated to use the same green screen as Lucas? Actors need not apply.

  3. Jacob says:

    How about “Leia and the Tramp” ?

  4. Luisa says:

    I love these! The nerd in me is in love with the Finding Yoda one.

  5. Not gonna lie. Peter Padawan made me chuckle. And I’d actually pay to watch The Lightsaber in the Stone. For real.

    Just one question though. Where’s Jar Jar Binks? (Beauty and the Binks totally works.)

  6. DUDE! These are sweet! Nicely designed, Andy.

    And I like Jacob’s idea of “Leia and the Tramp”.

    How about resurrecting a classic and doing “Song of the Sith”?

    • Greg says:

      Oh that is awesome, Song of Sith….

      “There’s a womp rat on my shoulderrrrrr!”

      Or instead of the briar patch, it’s the sarlack (sp?).

      And of course, Uncle Remus would be Uncle Obi Wan.

      Yes, this I would watch.

    • Andy says:

      Thanks! Alas, we couldn’t do every movie mashup, but that one IS really good. ;)

  7. I haven’t laughed/cried this hard from the internet since the advent of the Hamster Dance. Brilliant. Thank you.

  8. Sipple says:

    How about “Honey, I shrunk the Jedis”

  9. Oscar says:

    This… is funny. My favorite is Beauty and the Wookie and Finding Yoda. LOL
    Good stuff.

    They should do a Force-us Pocus: An epic tale of a FORCEfully enslaved and oppressed race, long accepted by modern society as simply slaves, that then a single being of this race develops the ability to tap into the world of magic and the Force! If someone else can use the Force against him, no problem, he’ll use magic. His goal: To free his oppressed race and seek justice on society for becoming numb to their plight. Featuring the lovable and seemingly invincible cat Thackery “Jar Jar” Binx!

    I’d watch that. I really would.

  10. Rob says:

    Ratatooine?

  11. Oscar says:

    Meet the Skywalkers
    Yoda Little
    Sleeping Wookie
    Aladdin IV: Jafar goes to Mustafar
    Lilo and Yoda

    Now that they own Lucasfilm:
    Indiana Fett: Raiders of the Last Jedi Council

  12. Posted a bunch a couple of days ago on this on App.net. The graphics you did, of course, are awesome!

    https://alpha.app.net/hashtags/disneylucas

    https://alpha.app.net/hashtags/starwars7titles

  13. William says:

    There are a great number of live action Disney movies that might be candidates…

    Honey, I Blew Up the Planet,

    Artoo Goes Bananas,

    Something Wicket This Way Comes,

    The Wookie D.A.,

    Threepio Wore Tennis Shoes,

    The Admiral Trap,

    Padme Poppins,

    Escape to Cloud City,

    Blackbeard’s Force Spirit,

    Midichlorians of the White Stallions,

    Gunganslayer,

    Kessel Runnings,

    The Boy Who Talked to Womp Rats,

    The Tauntaun in the Grey Flannel Suit,

    The Last Flight of Jabba’s Barge,

    Never Cry Wampa,

  14. david willis says:

    haha funny. (tongue sticks out) I guess you find Dane Cook funny too.

  15. Shawnthegirl says:

    Y’know, some of those titles could work with just retelling some cannon stuff. Could be fun, make animated shorts about it. It’d be nice to see some more traditional animation too.

    The thing I fear is the Clone Wars franchise. I have not enjoyed that one bit :( but I’m sure it appeals to young audiences, and makes enough money to continue on.

  16. ajaja says:

    For teens:
    Jedi High

    Adding some MCU into the mix:

    YodAvengers
    Guardians of the Galactic Republic
    Thor: The Dark Side

  17. Jack says:

    Did Bill Maher write this crap?

  18. Tony says:

    A Hutt’s Life

  19. roberto says:

    And now, Will we see characters like chewbacca, C3PO, or Obi-Wan singing as they do in all Disney movies?
    That sucks, dude.

  20. As long as they choose better actors than Hayden Christianson, they can do as they please… Loved this!

  21. Barry says:

    “WHAT IF THE STONE WAS MADE OF ADMANTIUM? ::commence nerdgasm::”
    Since when has there been adamantium in Star Wars? A truer nerdgasm would happen if you had said “A stone made from a Cortosis composite.”

    A show of hands, who’s mind has been blown now?

    • 4PadawanDad says:

      THANK YOU!! I was hoping someone would mention cortosis…otherwise it would have been my Jedi duty to do so myself. Awesome post overall btw.

    • Ponypapa says:

      well, that is the point I think… mashup Disney + Star wars and Marvel – or, by any standards now, disney, disney and disney :D

  22. Mat says:

    Honey, I shrunk the jedi’s?
    What about this:
    Honey, I blew up the empire.

  23. tonym144 says:

    Star Wars Episode 7: Remnant of a Franchise
    Star Wars Episode 8: The Return of Sorrow
    Star Wars Episode 9: The Final Indignity

  24. Kristen R says:

    I have to throw my favorite Disney movie into the mix: Annakin in Wookieland. Imagine however you like. And I’d love to see the Kessel Run one. How that hasn’t already been made into a movie is beyond me. It would sure beat the 3rd Pirates movie.

  25. Shawn says:

    The Jedi Book- Chewie sings ‘The Wookie Necessities’, Darth Vader as Kaa, and Storm Troopers as the crazy monkeys.

    Yoda Pop-Ins

    The Adventures of Hans and Mr. Vader

    The Three Little Padawans

    The Padawan Trap

  26. Jon says:

    For lightsaber in the stone, a light saber turned ON would melt stone, but if it’s turned off….just remember, on Hoth, Luke’s saber was frozen in simple ice…

  27. Andrea says:

    Hilarius! You nailed it!

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