How to Be a Dad

How to Be a Dad

Bad Product Idea #10: Peter Pottymouth Proper Pronunciation Wheel

Posted by on July 31st, 2012, under INSTRUCTIONAL DIAGRAMS

Bad Product Idea #10 Peter Pottymouth Proper Pronunication Wheel

Whether you chuckle or upchuck a little when your little one accidentally swears because of mispronunciation, it’s okay, sheet happens. Rest assured! It’s just part of learning to talk.

But now, with the Peter Pottymouth Proper Pronunciation Wheel, you can put rocket boosters on the unfortunately foul-mouthed part of the learning process. Grandma’s poor heart need not be set to fluttering by apparently being called a b##ch in response to giving her grandchild a pail and shovel. Your toddler will master the word beach and countless other “at risk” words, with the help of the system’s learning wheels.

Levels of Learning

Not every kid fumbles the common “at-risk” words into the gutter, so the Peter Pottymouth Proper Pronunciation Wheel system comes with several interchangeable pop-in learning wheels to offer a wide variety as well as increasing levels of complexity.

The Level 1 learning wheels will teach your kid to point out a truck or ask for a fork without dropping the f-bomb, and pick up a stick without calling it a word that starts with a D and ends with you face-palming.

At Level 2 your toddler won’t be asking to see Jim Carrey playing a zanny, green-faced character in “Dumbass,” and “vacuum” won’t sound like “f##k you” anymore.

The Level 3 learning wheels concentrate on high vocabulary and less common inadvertent curses such as tints, pushy, trot, ashes, etc. The word “pacifier” need not sound like a vulgar statement that a woman’s groin is ablaze.

How It Works

Simply install 24 AA batteries (tiny screwdriver and blowtorch not included with product), pop in a learning wheel and press the big orange button. The player will produce exciting sounds as it spins the disc and randomly selects a practice word.

No Adult Interaction Required

You’re paying a lot for this thing, so you might as well get your money’s worth, right? So, you can choose the vocalizer/judgement mode and it will speak the practice word, training your child all by itself. AND! The player comes with a mic and sophisticated speech-recognition software to analyze your child’s attempts to say the word; buzzing for failure and chiming for success.

Side Effects

At first, your toddler may appear to be swearing like a longshoreman with a bad caffein headache as they learn and practice these new and not yet mastered “at risk” words. But d##k with it, heh, I mean stick with it and your child’s speech will soon come out squeaky clean and wholesome.

More Bad Product Ideas

Thongies Diaper Thongs
The super mega fierce diaper.

Baby Hjölster
The baby carrier for manly men.

Tranquoo Child Anti-Wakefulness System
Yep. A tranquilizer gun. See for yourself.
 

38 Comments

38 Responses to “Bad Product Idea #10: Peter Pottymouth Proper Pronunciation Wheel”

  1. Steve says:

    Great product! My son is just past 12 months old, so I look forward to the mispronunciations. Currently his speech is some blend of Wookie, Mariah Carey high notes and after 1:30am Courtney Love.

    • Andy says:

      Ha ha! Wow. What a description. Sounds like it’s very accurate if I’m going by the memory of my kids at that age. I’m sure you’ll enjoy the dirty little linguistic trip ups when they come. ;)

  2. Erin B says:

    Truck wasn’t our problem, it was fork. It made eating anywhere other than home REALLY interesting for a while.

    • Andy says:

      Yeah, for my boys as well. But I can help crack a huge smile when I hear a little one asking for a f##k at a restaurant. :) <- see, I just smiled thinking about it

  3. And whatever he doesn’t learn with this, he’ll surely get from the “music” from my neighbors car. “Dooshbag.” Yea, he’s gonna get that one from me I’m afraid.

    • Andy says:

      Ugh! I hear you! When on the road, we’ll roll up the windows and blast our radio to cover it up. Luckily we don’t have any neighbors like that. Sucks to be you.

  4. Mollie says:

    My kid thinks all watches are clocks. Except, of course, she doesn’t pronounce it clock. So, everyone wearing a watch gets asked the same question – “I see your cok pap-pap?” “I see your cok Grammy?” “Grammy, I see pap-pap’s cok!”

    Fork is the same. “Mommy – you want fok?” “Daddy want a fok?”

    It’s terrible, but also terribly funny.

  5. MotherDuck says:

    Ha ha! This is beautifully illustrated and so funny! I’d buy it just for the entertainment value. I bet after the first “accidental” tub droppage, it would start to say the words the obscene way. I’d say get a patent!

  6. Marie-Claire Camp says:

    My twins scream 4UCK! simultaneously when they see a truck. Hoping the “tr” pronunciation thing kicks in soon.

  7. Kez says:

    I love it hahaha

  8. Jessie says:

    Dumptruck was always really, really funny. For some reason my son says crappy instead of froggy… I haven’t figured that one out yet.

    • Andy says:

      Ha ha ha ha! I love it! If it makes you feel better a national study was conducted and it was discovered that most dumptruck drivers are indeed dumbf##ks. JK Ha ha ha ha!

      • Mimi says:

        Yeah, we got some great looks when my son randomly yelled out “dump truck” in stores…. I kind of miss it. My husband liked to make our son say all sorts of inappropriate phrases like “that guy is a dump truck”.

  9. CatZilla says:

    “Simply install 24 AA batteries (tiny screwdriver and blowtorch not included with product)”

    Holy rusted metal, Batman, that’s HILARIOUS! I recently posted about how I never really understood all the coupons in the paper for batteries, and now that I’m a mom, I horde batteries like a hoarder hordes…well everything.

    • Andy says:

      Thanks. ;) I am just waiting for them to invent batteries that will last for a year or something. Hey, if we can do all the crazy amazing stuff we can do with technology, WHY NOT!?!

      • Rebecca says:

        that wouls be nice except for the toys other people buy your kids and think they will be fun beut really they you F-Ing Bananas…..no more “ooops Timmy, I guess the toy is just broken….”LOL…..unless you have “Sid” as your neighbour, then Presto! problem solved

        • Rebecca says:

          Jesus Mommy brain has struck again! Let’s try this again shall we? that would be nice except for the toys other people buy your kids and think they will be fun but really they drive you F-Ing Bananas…..no more “ooops Timmy, I guess the toy is just broken….”LOL…..unless you have “Sid” as your neighbour, then Presto! problem solved

  10. John says:

    Socks comes out sex….so when he tells people he has sex I have to explain what he means.

  11. Ben says:

    A friend of mine has a son on a tee-ball team. The coach named them the Funky Frogs.

    When they do their cheer it is awesome.

  12. Mista says:

    “Ship!” I remember my little girl said it and it actually stopped me dead…. lol. We learned how to say “Boat!” instead! BAH HA HA! Mumbling little ones and the word ‘Ship’ don’t really mix well… lol.

  13. Kasey says:

    My favorite from my son Max…

    Sucker stick, Dad! Sucker stick!

    But that’s not what it sounded like.

    (What did you just tell me to do?!?)

  14. AL says:

    Our word was Skunk. It came up waaayyyy tooo much. sk was just k and all word endings – T. It took us about a month to actually figure out what she was saying….

    • Andy says:

      Ooooooo. That’s a tough one. But I would have had abs of steel from laughing if one of my kids had had trouble with that one.

      I am certain a picture of a skunk would have made it onto the walls of our home. Yes of course I’m that bad.

  15. Kathryn says:

    HA! I asked our 2 year old what a duck was (I pointed to a picture of one), and she said f***, we praised her so much for the attempt at saying it that every other animal after it was “duck”…thank God it didn’t carry over into the next day! HA!

  16. Deanna U says:

    This is hilarious! Reminds me of my son, when he was 2, he’d say “I hah sex” for “Can I have snacks.” Classic.

  17. Manda says:

    “Frog”

    My cousin had a little boy whose favorite buddy was a beanie baby-type frog. Poor kid couldn’t pronounce his r’s and g’s to save his life.

    So she’s walking through Target with her one-year-old gleefully yelling “Fok! Fok!” over and over…..

    My oldest has a speech disorder. When I was pregnant with her little sister, she once gave the cashier at Wal-mart a vivid description of how the baby gets out along with a few interesting speculations on how it gets it.

    Thankfully, at the time her speech was still so garbled that the woman just nodded and went on scanning. LOL

  18. Jamal says:

    My four year old nephew keeps swearing accidentally :P instead of saying “funny” he would insist on saying “F**Knee”. As much as we tried to get him to pronounce it right, he still insists on saying it his was. Let us just hope he gets over it soon :P

  19. lesa says:

    Really could have used a product like this when my son was little. It was not fun explaining to grandparents that my son was saying “Sit down” and not something else. Also, I still feel sorry for the dad who ran very quickly out of a toy aisle with his little girls in tow after my son got really excited about seeing the “fire trucks.”

  20. kriss says:

    My little sister at about 2.5 years used to say “merry kiss-@**” instead of christmas it was priceless

Leave a Reply

Notify me of followup comments via e-mail. You can also subscribe without commenting.