How to Be a Dad

How to Be a Dad

Safety from Children: Changing a Diaper

Posted by , under INSTRUCTIONAL DIAGRAMS


Safety from Children: Baby Diaper Changing Funny Warning Sign

Most baby changing signs aren’t concerned with things like accuracy or safety. They’re designed to have a more pleasing and compact composition, so the adult is commonly shown crammed up close, hovering over a baby as if the diaper were going on its head.

I’m a designer, so I can appreciate the reasons for this. But I’m also a parent, so I’m no-so-hot on bulls##t. Consider this a more accurate representation of a diaper change and its adult safety factors.

Side Note: You must understand that it’s not that babies and kids are mean, because it will seem like that from time to time… well, actually they can be evil little critters, but generally-speaking they’re really more like “Weeeee! Look at what my legs are doing!!!”

However, as a parent, you should know better than to trust them to lie there like an obedient, lazy little sack of burps and giggles. The expression for parents should go “Fool me once, shame on ME (not “you”). Fool me twice, get me an ice pack.”

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38 Comments

38 Responses to “Safety from Children: Changing a Diaper”

  1. Ryan H. says:

    Had a baby for 2 weeks, been pee’d on at least 5 times already!! I’m printing this out and hanging it over the change table!

    • Andy says:

      Ha ha! Lizzie has been peed on so many times and I haven’t, so she once started resorting to actually pointing Lucas as me during changes. Just to increase the odds a bit. ;)

  2. Erin Kelly says:

    The Happy Changer should seriously be a part of every dad’s (and mom’s) diaper changing arsenal. It’s hard enough keeping the wiggly little squirts on the table…let alone when THEIR arsenal of peril is coming at you! At least the Happy Changer will help out with the first part.

  3. My son is exceptionally tall for his age so the first image of peril actally makes my groin hurt. Hopefully, we’ll have him potty-trained by the end of summer.

  4. Lacey Sutton says:

    We’re now to the “strip the dirty pull-up off, then chase him all over the house while trying to wipe him down then put a clean pull-up on” stage, which also has it’s hazards. But I remember those days well. My husband also remembers the incredible accuracy and distance of the biological hazard portion….

    • Andy says:

      What you described must have been tough to deal with, but reading it… it sounds hilarious! Ha ha ha ha! And yeah, you gotta watch out for that line of fire…I’m mean peril.

    • Njeri says:

      Yup, am familiar with the “strip the dirty pull-up off, then chase him all over the house while trying to wipe him down then put a clean pull-up on” phase… now you guys should design something that will get the lil escape artists to stay put while doing the diaper change

  5. ShanMerrie says:

    Oh my gosh, this brings to mind the horrors of airplane bathrooms. Why are there almost never changing tables in planes, and on the rare occasion there is one, it’s the cramped little torture chamber variety? Seriously–a moving, bumping iron maiden with optional poo-splosion. ::shudder::

    • Andy says:

      Ha ha ha ha! Oddly enough that’s exactly what inspired me to do this Instructional Diagram this week. Charlie posted a pic of the “baby changing instructions” (which also included the instructions for the proper disposal of trash). I was going to simply do an airplane warning sign, much like you described, but I’ll save that one for later.

  6. Katherine says:

    I’m currently nursing (haha) a bruised milk duct, thanks to a swift kick to the chest yesterday morning.

    • Andy says:

      Yikes. Some of the most horrible shrieks I’ve ever heard come out of Lizzie’s mouth were from a full boob being used as a soccer ball. :(

  7. Kathy V. says:

    When my son was a newborn, my father-in-law came to visit. My son peed all over his Daddy at one point, and my dear husband took it in stride and cleaned everybody up before coming downstairs and telling the tale. My father-in-law said, without one hint of irony, “I never got peed on while changing diapers! I guess you just had more respect for your father.” I assured him that, since he’d never been peed on, he must not ever have changed diapers. He responded by going on at length about how many diapers he changed, while my mother-in-law stood behind him and mouthed that he never did. It was pretty funny, even if he was being a complete douchecanoe.

    • Andy says:

      Okay first off… Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!

      Alright, now secondly… “douchecanoe”!!! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!

  8. Dena says:

    Stand to the side and *not* in the biological emissions direct line of peril – which reduces incidents but does not eliminate them… (’cause we all know that the line is mobile!)

    And why do boys get such a bad rap for letting loose once their diaper is off?! After two boys, our new 2.5 week old daughter has already exceeded anything either of her older brothers has ever done, in quantity *and* frequency, lol! Yeesh! And we are *supposed* to be experienced enough to avoid much of this by now! ;)

    /never assume immunity!

    • Andy says:

      It’s pretty amazing. No amount of practice keeps piss and poop off a parent. And, you’re right, I’ve got three boys so I well know that the “Line of Peril” is actually quite wide and fanning in its range. Ha ha!

  9. porche says:

    at least avoiding the pee is a bit easier with baby boys. The usually get a stiffy so I just put the dirty diaper back over until they are done lol

  10. Kim says:

    I hear you, Dena! While our son did squirt us each in the eye a few times, our daughter peed every time we took her diaper off for at least a month!

  11. Sarah says:

    That is why I change my daughter from the side. :) I worked in a group childcare center where the kids were always sideways, so when they did pee it was hardly ever on me. Then when I had my daughter and she was still a newborn, I’d change her when she woke up in he middle of the night to eat and had her feet pointing at me. And I got rewarded with projectile runny breastmilk poop. All over my chest and in my hair. So after that, she got changed from the side too.

    • Andy says:

      Priceless! I’ll never forget all the bodily function malfunctions of my kids. :)

      • Felip says:

        Olá, meu nome é Felip e sou do Brasil!

        Sou pai de primeira viagem, estou montando um blog para compartilhar minhas experiências com meus amigos.
        Gostei muito dos infográficos, eu e minha esposas damos muitas risadas, quero publicá-los no meu blog. Eu posso traduzir para o Português?

        Grato!

      • Lorena says:

        Hey Andy- looks like you guys have a fan in Brazil. From what I gather (I speak Spanish), Felip, below, wants your permission to take your info graphics and translate them into Potuguese for use on his own blog.

        Just in case you were wondering what that was all about…

        • Andy says:

          Thanks, Lorena! I hadn’t gotten around to hitting up Google translate to see what that was about. Ha ha! I’ll email him on it.

          • Felip says:

            Sorry Andy have written in English!
            The point is that I do not want to violate any laws here.
            I think his chronicles make life more fun and a father, I share with my friends.

  12. sarahlynne says:

    that was hilarious. great cartoon. :)

  13. MikeinDC says:

    Follow-up Safety from Children article: The Shopping Cart. Why is the seat at crotch level where innocently swinging legs can, and will, turn my junk into a speed bag? I shop with arms out and elbows locked now. i hate shopping.

  14. Please pen a licensing deal with “Koala Kare” baby changing stations so that this gets posted in every men’s and family bathroom around the world.

    Thank you. (My standard marketing consultant fee will be waived for a box o’ the above stickers.)

  15. John says:

    lol funny :) but being in childcare I have learn over the year don’t change from the end of the baby lol I now change from the side, your more saver :)from accidents!

  16. Jane Reese says:

    This is a very good :) I realized that if the baby is placed on a rather cold surface, the probability for you to be peed on is higher.

  17. Joshua says:

    One thing that might be good to add: if the small human in question is male, never let that thing be uncovered for longer than ABSOLUTELY necessary. You WILL be peed on. So far, the good habits that came out of the PTSD of being so frequently hit in the chest (if lucky) with fresh urine from the two small males has prevented any mid-diaper-change urine-related incidents with the new female. She’s more than happy to pee on us when coming out of the bath though..

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