The 5 Stages of Teething, An Illustrated Guide
Teething is a part of becoming a parent that a lot people dread to one degree or another. Us parents who have made it through the Stages of Teething, know that the people who don’t dread it are either certifiably naive or very drunk. But one can only stay naive and drunk for so long. This guide is for those sober moments.
Remember, you’re less miserable when you know what to expect, and that there’s a light at the end of the tunnel. Even if you can’t see it yet… for a reeeeelly long time… and you’re pretty much just expecting the light in front of you to turn out to be a fast moving train when it does finally come. Buck up, little camper!
The good news is: there is an end, a light at the end of the tunnel. The bad news is: there are two tunnels, baby teeth fall out and adult teeth come in.
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Baby Teeth & Other Ferocious Fangs
Since we’re on the subject of baby teeth…
Lil’ Chompers Baby Dentures (Bad Product Idea #3)
Again, since we’re on the subject of baby teeth…
Facebook
Facebook always seems like it’s teething, doesn’t it?
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77 Responses to “The 5 Stages of Teething, An Illustrated Guide”
Molars. F***ing molars.
^ the reason my sleep was cut in half last night.
Ugh! Hang in there! (deep empathic sigh)
Im experiencing the REVENGE of the Molars. If you think the first set was bad…. just wait!!! I know its bad because before teeth my daughter was an AMAZING sleeper. Each time more teeth were “erupting” forget about it! And the molars were THE WORST! and now that we are on group 2 of molars… she is up every few hours screaming!!! Can’t wait for these suckers to be through!
One can stay naive indefinitely, drunk requires maintenance.
Too true. You can’t unsee what you have seen, but you can always pour another glass.
WARNING: This comment of Andy’s is not intended as an endorsement for parental alcoholism, or the use of alcohol as a sleeping aid. His words are not representative of even his own thoughts and opinions and should not be used against him in a court of law and should be considered insane, incomprehensible and firetruck.
And Firetruck…
My cousin was born with three teeth erupted! …poor, poor Auntie Betty…
Ha ha! I’ve seen people cringe and, in contrast, nod in approval about early teeth. On one hand (or nipple) it sucks (or “bites” would be more appropriate), but on the other hand, at least it means the whole process may be done sooner.
To any parents going through teething right now: Baltic amber teething necklaces! They have saved our sanity this time around. I spent so many hours up with my first son. Either my second is just an *unbelievably* easy teether, or this necklace thing is working like a charm. I heartily recommend them. Best money spent on baby besides the mei tai. We just sort of watched his teeth come in slowly. One night (he’s almost a year old now) we were up with him crying, but only for a couple of hours. We’ll see how the molars are, but I have a feeling it won’t be like the first time. I am doing that crazy laugh mentioned above in my head just thinking about it.
Ha ha! Nice. Charlie and Avara are rocking the amber necklace on Finn. They shake their head in wonder but say good things.
When did you start having him wear the amber necklace? Did he wear it at night as well? Or did you wrap around his ankle. Seems like it would be find for him to wear it at all times.
My sister was up with her twins aaaall last night thanks to teething. UGH.
Ugh! I feel her pain. Actually its numbness, it’s her numbness that I feel. Tell her to remember the light! There’s an end somewhere.
Great diagram! If only the babies could be naive or drunk during the whole process. Poor beans!
The only part of little people-hood that is worse than teething is … toilet training.
Excuse me. I have to go and wash my own mouth out with soap.
Ugh! For some reason the old expression “The proof of the pudding is in the tasting” just popped into my head. Or maybe it pooped into my head. :/
Hahahahahahahaha!
My 4-month-old reached Stage 2 a month ago. We’ve only had two nights that he’s been fussy because of the teeth, but I’m not looking forward to the rest of the process.
It’s probably not going to be that bad. This diagram is hyperbole, an exaggeration for humor’s sake. I’m not sure if it would have be very entertaining to make an Instructional Diagram for a uneventful easy teething process. Yeah, not a whole lot of knee slaps there.
Damn. I think I’ll just stay away from other parents from now on… Because it really wasn’t that bad for us. Sucked, no doubt. But TheBoy was a trooper. Scared us often with a fever that accompanied several teeth, but other than that… meh.
Yeah, not everyone has much trouble. But let me ask you out of a creator’s curiosity, was this funny for you at all even though you didn’t really experience any of it?
Oh definitely! And I wouldn’t say we didn’t experience ANY of it, it just wasn’t so bad. This kid has been a dream… he’s trying to trick us into the next one I think.
Ha ha ha ha ha ha! @ “he’s trying to trick us into the next one I think” Priceless!
I must be one of the lucky ones. Two kids and no teething misery that a little whiske…..I mean Orajel couldn’t fix.
Really, though, it didn’t faze them much. We’ll see what this one is like.
Our experience is similar to Manda’s. Our 9-month-old, up until the last two teeth, wasn’t really phased by it. Tooth #6 & 7, however was met with a lot of whining and some funky poo.
Good for you! My three boys weren’t that bad, but we had our moments. It’s just funnier to talk about it in extremes.
This diagram isn’t even half as bad as my boys were. It was pure hell, for essentially 4 solids years as one finished teething the next one started. I’m pregnant with #3, I’m dreading teething. The countless nights of them up in the middle of the night screaming their heads off. I don’t hate parents who didn’t have rough teethers, I envy them and I’m happy that their little guys didn’t have to go through what mine did. Nothing makes you feel so helpless for so long as teething does.
I’m showing my wife this quote “Nothing makes you feel so helpless for so long as teething does.” so she can breath a deep sigh of shared understanding and bask in the glow of pure Truth.
Now…you could be as lucky as me and end up with a kid where the worst symptom of teething was the oblivious pull on the ear that had me freaking out over an ear infection…
Unfortunately, those only happen one in a million. His sister gnaws on me, drools, cries, whimpers, and sticks her entire fist in her mouth.
At least she’s cute! As are your pictures…in a scary, wet kind of way…
“[At least she’s cute!] As are your pictures…in a scary, wet kind of way…” = my favorite sentence today. Ha ha!
I guess I’d be the parent that gets shot. Neither of my kids were bothered the least bit by teething.
I guess so. You might want to keep that one under your hat rather than publishing the fact on a website swarming with half-crazed parents that are only about a day and one more missing sippy cup away from homicide. Ha ha!
Nothing quite like jagged bones ripping through a toddlers gums. I’m glad we are through with the teething. Now on to YANKING THEM OUT and making room for round two!
Nothing. There is nothing like it. Ever.
I was lucky on the second round with Cody and Max, with their teeth falling out. We had not real troubles and occasionally had some hilarious fun with the yanking of some of them.
Part of the unexpected fun occurs when the child that’s teething decides to spontaneously bite his or her sibling or Mommy or Daddy’s shoulder when getting a hug.
Ha ha! “Awwww, gimme a huggers! I wuv you so so so muARRGGGG!!!”
My son was REALLY drooly and had weird poo, but he didn’t seemed too concerned about it. Lest you think I got away easily, my son has been a biter from day one. Let’s just say nursing+ blisters/cuts= one really sad mommy. Yeah, just imagine the feeling of burning shards of glass coming through your nipples… accompanied by the occasional chomp-and-pull.
Let’s hope this next one is better behaved. I honestly would rather have crazy teething than bleeding nipples.
Without sounding too weird, this being the Internet and all: I feel for your nipples. It seems like such an awful thing! Ha ha ha ha! Way to go champ.
Does it make it even more awesome that I nursed hm for 12 months?
You have ninja nipples. (I don’t even care how creepy I sound now, it had to be said)
Oh, and I don’t find it weird at all. I’m not what you’d call “body-phobic” or “one who has much shame”… Lol
Again. Ninja nipples. LOL!
Oh. My. Goodness. Ninja-Nippled-Ninja-Mommy for sure! When my son cut my nip and I couldn’t heal it fast enough I was done. No more. That is PAINFUL!!!! (Luckily that was around 12 months anyway) You are a A-ma-mazing.
Anyone with nipple lacerations is a ninja in my book. I wouldn’t pass ever if that was on the test for becoming one. Yikes!
My son didn’t get his first tooth until a week before his first birthday—and it took two weeks for it to fully come in. I likened the nursing pains to being attacked with a wire stripper. Chomp and pull, indeed.
He’s still being nursed at 15 months and we’re getting into the first of the molars right now… Plus No. 2 is due on July 10th and I’m dreading the thought of dealing with two nursers at once (especially if No. 2 is less like myself and more like my sister or husband who got their first teeth at 6 months in).
I’m a man so it’s not really saying much, but double nursing sounds wild.
We’re kind of hoping that Moe learns to wean himself by having to compete Hunger Games style with Larry!
LOL!
Nature shows curelty when it comes to teething but also provided a respite: Hyland’s Homeopathic teething drops. Yes, it’s homeopathic so most people are like, Won’t work dude, it’s all in your head.” I disagree! When my daughter was getting like 3,000 teeth at once (she started at 4 months, done at one year) we popped 3 tiny tabs in her already foaming mouth and she calmed down in literally 10 seconds.
My wife and I live by those things. That and Momsicles (frozen breast milk pops FTW!) Our wonderful 15 month old has 16 of her baby teeth already. She was a very efficient teether cutting four at a time. That process felt much like having your face shoved into a wood chipper, but at least it was over fast…
I think we used those as well as the Camilia teething thingies. We never had to use the numbing ointments… or whiskey. Ha ha!
One day we ran out of the tablets and I had to resort to baby ora-jel. That stuff is very effective as I didn’t have feeling in my fingertip for hours. My son… Still upset.
Ugh. Sounds like that was a rough one.
Ok, I didn’t know about this stuff, thanks for the info guys!
Uh oh! That sounds like you’re taking this post seriously. Beware, this is an entertainment website, not an actually educational website. Have fun, but don’t try to get smart here.
My son wasn’t to bad as far as being too whinny or drooly or getting fevers, but man you can tell by his attitude, he gets very nasty when he is getting a tooth. Just kinda mean, acts out a lot more during hese times, and I often feel like pulling my hair out, but it didnt seem like it lasts too long thank god! Othe than that I have the best little man in the world!
My son, 5 today, and my daughter, 9 mo, are vampires! Both got their two bottom teeth then their canines (daughter’s is coming in now). My son’s was timed perfectly for Halloween. We shall see if the girl will.
That’s amazing! I love it!
I never had a problem with the our three boys teething at night…my wife on the other hand? That’s the beauty of working nights. Hah!
Cheater!!! Ha ha!
Pinned this one. Thank you. I need a good laugh.
http://pinterest.com/pin/147141112796206677/
At least we can all be grateful that when Round 2 of teething (2 grade and Junior High) happens, the kid is old enough to try chewing gum or their pencils rather than their siblings.
So true. One of the best things to do with the hard times as a parent is to remember that it can’t last forever.
My only child is turning 1 on the 21st and he is already working on his 13th tooth. Four molars, four front teeth on both top and bottom, and a canine I believe. We didn’t even realize he had molars until I randomly checked and two were completely out already when he was 9 months old. Then again….he has been standing, with help, since he was 2 months old. I swear he is a freak lol
I’m a dentist came across this site looking for resources to recommend to patients, loved the little illustrations here so funny but useful aswell
Super random how I got to this post, but I’m glad I did.
Cracked me up, especially all the comments. Funny people!
I have to ask though, because no one mentioned it. Does
Anyone give their babies Tylenol for teething pain anymore?
I know you wouldn’t want to give it for an extended time, but for
2-3 nights? Anyone? Anyone?
I give my son paracetamol (I think its the New Zealand Equivalent of Tylenol) He didn’t start teething until after his first birthday and cuts like two at a time, six months on and he’s cutting molars and fangs at the same time, nothing works he just walks around whimpering sometimes with his fingers in his mouth but being like me, he is ‘tough’ and doesn’t want comfort to the point where he hid under his bed to ensure I would leave him to it until he wanted a cuddle
Love this and the accompanying and appropriate drooling and suffering depictions. We are on the fang section and I am just waiting for those little vampire points to descend already.
This is hilarious! Better to laugh than to cry (if you’re the parent, that is). Advil helps, so do amber/hazelwood teething necklaces (worked for both my boys). But the best way to get through it is patience, easier said than done but I found that to be true.
We’re in the tail end of stage 5. I can nearly see the light at the end…It will be a very happy day.
I LOVE your work!! It’s one of the only websites I actually read when I have time and as parents you know how precious any free time is. Just wanted to say thanks for being so funny!
Shucks! ::blush:: Thanks for reading and laughing!
Omg ! We’re between Stage 4 and 5!
Yep. There’s a truckload of OMGs in that area. Good luck.
hahahaha Holy Molars indeed! This is when I? Check OUT!
Little dude is working on all four top front teeth. It’s been fantastic. Poor guy:(
1st molars : 18 months old, it’s been about 4 weeks of no sleep, 2 weeks of no solid food, 3 lbs lighter (scary), 2 doctor visits (scarier), 2 blistered index fingers, 4 molars peeking, countless crying. Name it, I’ve tried it. I was blindsided by this one since my sons first 8 teeth came out without problems. May the force be with you. Hang in there parents! This tooth shall pass.
“This tooth shall pass” genius.