How to Be a Dad

How to Be a Dad

Baby Sleep Positions (1-10)


Baby Sleep Positions 1-10

[ click the image to enlarge ]

Co-sleeping with your baby can be one of the greatest joys or torments of parenting. It’s not for everyone, but for those who have…

Which of these have you experienced? If you’ve co-slept with your baby in bed for more than a day, the better question might be: which one haven’t you experienced?

I decided to put these together into a collection for your convenient viewing pleasure. You see, people (especially parents) love things that come in multi-packs. Our eyes go big with possibility when we see one of those really gigantic, over-sized bulk shopping carts. It just makes things easier and it saves on money, shopping trips and burnt out brain cells. In the case of Baby Sleep Position diagrams, it makes them funnier. Like carpet bombing… erm… uhhh, except with laughter instead of explosions, of course.


Calling All Baby Sleep Positions
Click here to see them larger with all of my babble-typing for each one.

More Funny Diagrams?
Yes. All kinds. LOTS. Enjoy.

Follow us on Facebook. They haven’t completely ruined it. Yet.


99 Responses to “Baby Sleep Positions (1-10)”

  1. Kyle says:

    Fix it! Donkey Kong is Doghouse!

  2. Dave says:

    wow, TWO doghouses? neat! but how will you distinguish one from the other in conversation?

  3. Hop-on-Pop says:

    Lower left should be “The Donkey Kong” love that one lol

  4. Hop-on-Pop says:

    The Lower Left should be “The Donkey Kong” lol I love that one.

    • Andy says:

      Thanks! Donkey Kong loves you too. He’s misunderstood. He just get’s feisty with barrels when he’s hungry and nap-time is approaching. πŸ˜‰

  5. Hop-on-Pop says:

    The Lower left should be “The Donkey Kong” lol I love that one.. so Funny

  6. Jennifer says:

    My husband suggested you add “The deodorant” in which the babies head is jammed up in your armpit. My daughter often ends up in that position. πŸ˜‰

    • Andy says:

      My son used to have a non-baby-scent in the morning because of that one. Rest assured it’s definitely on the list. Ha ha! I’m glad I’m not the only one.

  7. I’m an aunt, not a mom, but I’ve definitely seen “The Neck Scarf” and “The Stalker.” But my nephew’s adorable, and I don’t have to deal with it every night/morning, so I don’t care πŸ˜€

  8. SAHD01 says:

    Change the doghouse one to the father sleeping on the floor, and you have me. πŸ™‚

    • Andy says:

      Ha ha ha ha! There are so many more to do. I fell asleep on the floor once. Never again. My neck was… Let’s just say never again.

  9. Meggy81 says:

    My 14 month old and my husband do the neck scarf until she doesn’t want him anymore and then we do the Dog House.

  10. Martin says:

    Awesome!!! My favorite one is “the dog house” all because of “the roundhouse kick” and “The neck scarf”

  11. Niki A says:

    I just experienced the “8 month sleep regression” which is basically where your baby starts practicing crawling or in my case trying to stand up from a crawl in her sleep about every 20 minutes with bonus screaming. I tried to sooth her back to sleep to find out that she actually was asleep, but attempting to sleep walk. who needs sleep?

  12. Vivi says:

    Hand up for the “deoderant”!

  13. John says:

    LOL there is truth to that one. Especially the booby trap , H for hell, roundhouse and the scarf. been there done that and still occasionally going through it again even with a 6 year old .

    • Andy says:

      Those are always the coziest co-sleeping adventures, the ones you have with your kid (not baby). Cozy like a can of sardines. πŸ˜‰

  14. Sven says:

    this is so good! πŸ˜‰

    • Andy says:

      Thanks! We’re allergic to bad here, so that works out really nicely.Swelling, itchy eyes, it’s pretty awful. I won’t say any more. πŸ˜‰

  15. NeoMeir says:

    My wife and I both had a big laugh about this because when our daughter sleeps in the bed we experience a combination of at least three of the Jazz hands being the most regular. We both appreciated this graphic and I have added your Site to my feeds.


  16. Stefan says:

    All except “I’m not speaking to you”

    And Booby Trap is a favourite.

    • Andy says:

      You’re a pro. I got the Booby Trap a LOT. Does that qualify as favorite?

      • Riley Romatz says:

        I get the booby trap one lately and I’m the mom! I’m also 8 and a half months pregnant so I literally stand there like a lost puppy, and try to decide if I should just sleep on the toddler bed that we have in the bed room. Hasn’t happened yet… But soon maybe lol!

  17. Mkell says:

    Doghouse all the way! Only way I can get enough sleep to function at work.

    • Andy says:

      Totally know what you’re talking about. I learned that threshold fast, how much sleep I needed in order to function. Sorry how little.

  18. Simon says:

    My two year old introduced me to a new position yesterday morning – the Facehugger- his entire body on my face like an alien exoskeleton looking for a host. What a way to wake up!

  19. Dez says:

    BRILLIANT!!! We moved our baby son to a crib beside our bed a few months ago, which doesn’t keep him from ninja-ing into our bed every sunrise just to keep up the practice of some of his old co-sleeping styles. He particularly enjoys bed-torturing his daddy.

  20. kittenchick22 says:

    You need to add the “The Pillow-Hogger” kind of like the “The Neck Scarf” but where the baby confiscates your pillow to sleep on top of it and you are left all night without a pillow πŸ™

  21. Law says:

    I love this! So funny, I have sleep wars with both my 5 month old boy Logan and my almost 3 year old Corben! It’s a mission to get any sleep, half the time I just let them (Corben and their dad) have the bed, put Logan in his cot if he doesn’t want a feed and have to sleep in a Thomas the tank engine toddler bed! Some nights I will battle and get Corbie in his bed, but I usual wake up with his feet in my face. To be honest, I think you have to just enjoy it, laugh at it. One day they will be grow ups, and won’t want to even have a cuddle I bet. Plus me and their dad are looking forward to when their teenagers, so we can get them up at 6 and 7am ( aww payback haha) we probably won’t as we’re been making up for years of sleep lose!
    Oh I’m a sucker for the mutil pack wipes, it seems you need a sea of them! Love your blog BTW.

  22. Brooke says:

    I laughed so hard I cried! So funny!

    We are doing the deodorant right now and every night lol

    Glad I found your site πŸ™‚

  23. cds says:

    This is a bit sad.
    Mom and dad sleep giving their back one to the other in most cases. I sleep facing my husband, or he spoons me, or i just snuggle under his arm. We sleep better when we are together.
    And I hope that even after having a baby we will continue being a couple, so no, thanks, i am not sleeping in the bad with the baby and he alone on the couch. The baby can stay in the same room when he/she is small, but in their bed.

  24. Jo says:

    It’s a nice thought to think that you can still snuggle with your husband in bed even after having a baby… but it’s not realistic. I always said that baby would sleep in his crib and never in our bed, but he starts in his crib and come morning he’s in our bed. The stalker is my favorite! Now that our son is 18 months we see the neck scarf and h is for hell way to often.

  25. Mollie says:

    I think you need to add one (or more) for toddlers who have their own beds but end up in mom & dad’s bed sometime in the middle of the night. This morning I woke up with not only an extra person (our two-year-old), but also two baby dolls, a bunny and a giant alligator. What woke me was being whacked in the nose by the freakishly hard baby doll head. Good times.

  26. sean marie says:

    I can’t stop laughing at this! My husband and I co-sleep with our nine month old daughter and can totally relate to these, especially “H is for Hell.” The worst part is that we don’t even have a queen size bed, it’s just a full.

    Thanks for sharing/creating this!

  27. Franton's Mom says:

    The BEST- thank you for several good laughs. My daughter did all but our boy is only a stalker or Donkey Kong. You should sell these as posters on

  28. Pretty much all of these! But Snow Angels & Booby Trap were particular fav’s of my daughter. Another, which isn’t here yet, but I’m sure is earmarked, is “The Pacman”. Which I suppose is a combination of all of these. Wherever you move to on the matress, your still being chased. Memories huh!

  29. Katherine says:

    I know this is old, but I just got sent here from crappypictures. We don’t co-sleep, but occasionally we bring DS into bed for various reasons. It’s maybe a once or twice a month sort of thing.

    The most recent times we’ve brought him in, I’ve experienced the neck scarf. It is hilarious…and awful. I’ll move him out of the way and he’ll find his way up to my neck or head. I actually saw this graphic a few months ago and thought the neck scarf seemed really implausible but now it’s DS’s favorite way to go if we’re in bed together. And it’s always me, not DH.

  30. Leah says:

    I also came by from crappy pictures…and got a great laugh!! The comment about the baby doll whack by mollie is great!! I can so relate!! I have 7 kids in which 5 have slept with us or on us!!

  31. paddy says:

    HI Andy..

    what about head banger – the little one gets up in the dark and then cant figure out where the pillow is and goes bang on your forehead when he heads down.

    I have taken to sleeping cowering under my arm to avoid this post sleep trauma/concussion.

  32. Jacqui says:

    Also found you through – this post is so hilariously — and painfully — right on, I forwarded it to several friends who are expecting … it’s only fair they should be prepared for what’s to come. I also support adding “The Deodorant” as I’m a co-sleeping, side-lying-nursing-during-the-night-mom, and that’s exactly what happens at my house.

    Thanks for the chuckles, keep it up!

  33. Lori says:

    I also came over from Crappy Pictures. The stalker is my favourite. Still laughing. Thanks for that!

  34. shakesrear says:

    This is so great! I’m passing it on to all the parents-to-be that I know.

    I have to add one – I call it “The Octopus”. My daughter spends the entire night rubbing my face with both of her hands. I have to repel her like a lovesick zombie, but she keeps coming back. Maybe “Lovesick Zombie” would be better.

  35. AC says:

    hilarious. the Deodorant definitely happens in our house; and H is for Hell too – though the bar for the H is further up, usually around face level. Roundhouse Kick too. Great stuff, has me in stitches…

  36. Sannah says:

    Brilliant!! I love this SO much!! I think we have experienced nearly all of those in our house over the years. How can someone so little take up SO much room!?!!?!
    x Sannah

  37. Piya says:

    lol…this is freaking amazing… love all the positions… what do you think about this?
    Stalker is my favorite…. visit #happymummyhappybaby on facebook for some good laugh… πŸ™‚

  38. Lindsay says:

    so hilarious. our 5-month old would definitely fit in the “deodorant” category every night, and jazz hands or snow angels quite often. I’m sure some of the others are on the horizon πŸ™‚

  39. Ashley says:

    One should be “Everything but the kitchen sink”. In with me right now for nap time is me, 1 month old daughter, 1 greyhound, 1 dachshund, and one very fat cat. Animals and baby have entire bed, I’m curled up with half of me hanging off. Can’t imagine what it would be if husband was also in bed.

  40. Danielle says:

    My baby sleeps with her head right in my husband’s armpit lol! Also she does the ‘H’ lower cause she’s between our calves. She also does this thing where she crawls the perimiter of the bed trying to find a decent spot, it’s so funny πŸ™‚

  41. Ray says:

    Hilarious! I have seen all 10 of these positions.

  42. Elaine says:

    We typically have a modified H… with the horizontal line high enough to kick one face and hands on the other.

  43. kate says:

    We call the Neck Scarf the Lincoln Log Snuggle in our house. The annoying thing about all of these sleep positions is tha we have a King sized bed, but the baby insists of only torturing me with these positions while daddy sleep just fine :/

  44. plien says:

    Am i so abnormal that i didn’t have these problems? Ex used to sleep behind, spooning, me in the middle & daughter in front of me with easy access to the milkbar = no wanderings at night!

    I did experience some of these with cats & dear BF though. πŸ˜›

  45. Kate says:

    Iam not speaking with you is the cutest πŸ™‚

  46. Mike Wojcik says:

    LOL! Too funny. I’ll have to send this to all my friends.

  47. I read this a year ago and it was hilarious then and this time I started laughing at the second diagram and then the laughter just built up more with each diagram. Like others have said — you are geniuses.

    Ok, how about a toddler or 3-4 year old sleep positions.

    From my experience with my 3 year old twin boys… hm, nothing is really funny. But *you guys*’ll know how to make it funny, ha ha.

    appearing from nowhere silently at edge of parents’ bed and just waiting there.

    getting out of bed and sitting cross-legged in front of our bedroom door until he drops his car which I hear and then get up to get him.

    Insisting he can only sleep with a plastic tow truck that is practically bigger than he is. The argument that trucks don’t sleep in beds vigorously contested.

    Waking up and screaming for mommy to get muck.

    My twin boys sleep in the same single bed with a pillow buffer between ’em, bed rail on one side of the bed, wall on the other. For them, it’s the most natural thing in the world. When they are asleep, it is a priceless image.

    9pm. Me wedged beween them, trying to get up if there was any chance i could, one boy holding me down with a strangle-hold around my neck, the other climbs on top. Oh my.

    1am. Me wedged between them, drifting off, too tired to get up even though they’re asleep and technically I could sneak away without consequences.

    Its 9am, the babysitter has arrived, I’ve just woken up, and the toddlers’re sleeping in, tuckered out from late-night shenanigans.

  48. Robert says:

    You will have to do a 2.0 version once the new baby arrives. There is a ninja move that only preschoolers possess to getting in the bed with mom, dad, and baby with no one noticing that I’m still trying to figure out!

  49. Ellie says:

    These are hilarious … and true! Cute graphics too.

  50. Natasha says:

    You have to add chest crusher or suffocater. I have woken up with my two year old completely covering my face and chest … Face down and up! Nothing like waking up with a mouth full of curls πŸ™‚

    • Rafidah says:

      The Dog House is what me and my hubby is doing right now. He and my son was sleeping at the sofa.while me and my 4 princess sleeping on my bed. πŸ˜‰

  51. Rafidah says:

    The Dog House is what me and my hubby is doing right now. He and my son was sleeping at the sofa.while me and my 4 princess sleeping on my bed. πŸ˜‰

  52. NjΓ₯l says:

    The stalker…! Every single morning…

  53. Marc Mitchell says:

    I would be interested in the the Neutered…you when the baby repeatedly kinks you in the junk while sleeping

    Or the SAHD when the baby snuggles up to daddy only

  54. Kim says:

    I think you forgot one…where baby snuggles up so closely to one parent that he/she ends up almost hanging off the edge of the bed, while there’s lots of space on the other side of the baby.

  55. Kids Nook says:

    I sleep a very deep sleep and move a lot so co-sleeping was out of the question from the get go.

    When I say move a lot I mean I sometimes “play handball” in bed. πŸ˜€

  56. So True….my health is going downhill in an express elevator…need sleep not a slap in the face every 5 minutes. Ive experienced all diagrams. My 9 month old sleep- bangs the walls as if checking for studs. I think he is going to be a builder or demolition expert. Smack, wham, head butt all night long…stalker collapse, stalker collapse, roundhouse kick…never ending. HELP!!

  57. meow point1 says:

    Why don’t you put a baby in a crib instead of making it sleep with you? And why did you decide to have kids in the first place if you obviously think they are gross.

  58. Kamil says:

    Hilarious! I remember those days!!

  59. Normally I put My baby in the middle of my husband and me. I this this is the very safe way to keep my child. Sometiems I put my baby on side. But as per your picture I mostly like “Jozz Honds”.

  60. Monica says:

    Haha.. this is so funny and accurate! Reminded me of those golden days.

  61. Larissa says:

    This is the funniest thing and comic relief for a very tired mommy of 5 kids, youngest being 10 month rabid teether! Thanks for the laughs!

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