How to Be a Dad

How to Be a Dad

Dreams Are Boring To Everyone But Yourself

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Dreams Are Boring to Everyone But Yourslef

After the little one is silent, when the caffeine has worn off, sleep finally shows up fashionably late to the party. Sometimes it brings dreams along with it, and when it’s feeling particularly rowdy, it’ll invite along a nightmare.

I had a terrible one last night. I won’t bore you with the full details, because really, the only people (other than yourself) who are most likely interested in hearing about your dreams are lunatics and people who are extremely attracted to you. Maybe not even those.

It’s just a fact. Whenever you’ve told someone about a dream that was absolutely fascinating to you, the chances are good that the glazed look and wandering eyes of your listener were not from their fevered effort to visualize it in every detail.

Okay, all I’ll say about my nightmare is that it involved me crapping in my pants, using a whole roll of paper towels to wipe and the world being devastated suddenly by nuclear war. Party time. This is the thing though, it was sooooooo real. Yeah, it was one of those. The kind where you wake up and slowly realize, “Uhhhhhh… Hey wait, that didn’t happen!?!” Which was an easy question for me to answer this morning because the world was not a ball of atomic fire and my rear end didn’t feel like it had been belt-sanded.

These good-as-real dreams can be fantastic. Flying like a super hero! Winning the game! Discovering toilet paper! Yay! You want these to last forever. But the bad ones? Man!!! I sure didn’t want this one to last a minute, but as if the dream were taunting me, it just stayed with me all day like nightmare fallout.

It put my mind to thinking of my boys’ dreams and nightmares through the years. You could always tell the good ones from the things they muttered to the positive body language, like a snoozing puppy’s tail wagging. The bad ones were also hard to miss since they announced themselves with the fairly effective alarm sound of my boys’ screaming and crying.

Cody, Max and Lucas Sleeping

As much as I love watching them sleep within their sweet little dreams, and despite all my concern about their terror when the boogeyman invades their dreamscape, I still find that it bores the unholy crap out of me to hear the retelling of their dreams. I’ll sit there and listen, smiling encouragingly or wrinkling my brow solemnly, depending on the dream. Then my eyes glaze and start wandering as I wonder how stocked up on TP we are.


8 Responses to “Dreams Are Boring To Everyone But Yourself”

  1. Monica says:

    First, sleeping children are precious! Also, Babies that stretch when they wake up are so stinkin cute. Love it!

    Totally agree on the dreams. I share my dreams with my hubby when I remember them and he gets the glaze in his eyes too. He always cracks me up when he tells his dreams cuz you would expect this super cool action packed dream the way he tells it, and I am always like “yeah, okay honey” Usually something not worthy of the cool way he is into telling his story. I am sure the dream is cool while having it and when you first wake up you are like “Wow, that’s amazing,” and then after you stop and think about it, the dream tends to get less and less cool. Oh well, maybe next time it will be a better dream. Hahahaha

  2. They are so cute! I don’t particularly enjoy listening to adults retelling me their dreams, but I think maybe I will love baby J’s…mmmmaaaaybe

    • andy says:

      You probably will in the baby-to-toddler range, but then, I could listening to ANY kid reciting the DMV’s driver’s manual for days and days. 😉

  3. Christina says:

    I don’t know…some dreams are kinda interesting…

    Like I’ve dreamed I was a technicolor fish on the search for the Holy Grail…

    Or that my black cat was walking on two legs wearing a nanny apron while I squirted breastmilk up my newborn’s nose and he screamed “YOUR THE WORST MOM EVER”.

    However, I will admit, the only fascination my dreams provide is the speculation of whether I’m on acid or not…

  4. Liesbet says:

    I have learned over the years that dreams can be funny and cool to others when you squeeze the whole dream into ONE sentence. Like Christina just did. People listen to AND respond to one sentence, double win 🙂

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