How to Be a Dad

How to Be a Dad

Godzilla vs. Baby

Posted by on November 15th, 2011, under INSTRUCTIONAL DIAGRAMS

Godzilla and babies. They're like Sid and Nancy.
 

[ click the image to enlarge ]

Consider this a crash course in emergency preparedness for expectant parents, or a badge of acknowledgement for those parents who’ve already made it through. Also, if there does actually happen to be an attack on your city from a giant monster born of atomic testing, know that your skills in managing and raising a baby will serve you well.

Yes. Godzilla. Sure, there’s a scale problem with this comparison. Babies don’t get anywhere near the altitude Godzilla hits, who towers 50 meters tall (167 feet). But make no mistake. When that baby arrives, your home is now Tokyo, and soon the wheels on the bus won’t go round and round any longer.

You could reason that babies have smoother skin than our lofty lizard’s avocado hide, and we all know that (most) babies don’t have tails, but you’re nitpicking at this point! Pay attention! Lives are at stake! The monster attack is upon you and, in the case of a baby, it’s going last around two decades! However, just like Godzilla, you’ll somehow love living through the rampage as it all unfolds. Or topples into rubble, as the case may be.

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22 Comments

22 Responses to “Godzilla vs. Baby”

  1. Stephanie K. says:

    Oh this is one of my favorites!! One of my younger brothers was OBSESSED with Godzilla when he was 7-11 years old so I have much experience with the movies, toys and video games lol!

  2. Jamie says:

    Hahahahhahaha @ “emerges from dark moist place” LMBO!

    Jamie
    For Love of Cupcakes

  3. Don’t be ridiculous. There’s no such thing as babies.

  4. egwu gideon eche says:

    babies are gift from God, they are our own little images. They deserve the best

  5. These are by far my favorite part of your site. Must create a lot of pressure though, coming up with material as good as or better than the rest. We all feel it, but you guys have taken visuals to another level. Keep it up!

    • andy says:

      I don’t know what you’re talking about… oh wait… I think I got it now. I vaguely recall screaming “OMFG! OMFG! OMFG!!!” and clawing at the walls o or something before each of the blackouts I have before Tuesday. Is that what pressure feels like? ;)

  6. Jan says:

    Funny! We’re always calling our daughter Godzilla whenever she starts smashing the Lego creations of our three Year old.. :-)

  7. Cheryl says:

    OMG! I loved the Godzilla and multitude of other monster movies when I was a kid! Me and dad used to watch Creature-Double-Feature every Saturday afternoon. :-)

    We currently have a 9-month-old Godzilla at our house. Any suggestions for surgically removing the high-pitched scream? Or for getting the larger, more clumsy Big Brozilla to keep from beating up the littler one because he doesn’t understand that he’s GINORMOUS in comparison?

    • andy says:

      I have no advice for you that doesn’t employ a large dish mounted on a van that shoots high-pulse microwave beams. And I don’t even think that’ll save you. Ha ha ha ha ha!

  8. Pedro says:

    May I say there are two big differences between Godzilla and a baby:
    1. You know where and how to turn off Godzilla (it’s one click away)
    2. You have a chance against Godzilla!
    But the comparison is priceless!

  9. Katie says:

    Did Godzilla ever take on Manhattan? Maybe that was just King Kong. Well then, my boys are King Kongs. Within minutes of receiving their miniature Statue of Liberty and Empire State Building from Dada’s recent business trip, they had broken the tip off the building and bent Lady Liberty’s arm all akimbo.

  10. Katie says:

    OMG. He did take on Manhattan! (See “Godzilla,” 1998, starring Matthew Broderick.)

    • andy says:

      Yeah, but I like to think of that one as “Honey I Blew Up The Iguana.” I wasn’t pleased with the modernization or “twist” of Godzilla turning out to be female, nothing sexist intended. Though I’m pretty sure I’m safe and most women wouldn’t be offended by my lack of enthusiasm for Godzilla turning out to be a woman. ;)

  11. Riley R. says:

    Haha wow I’m so glad our family isn’t the only who deals with this! My brother in laws nickname has always been Godzilla Gunnar, and he’ll be 20 in a couple months. He passed it down to our year and a half old daughter and her nickname is Queen Galolo as homage to kind gadora hahaha… Hopefully the one on the way takes after dad… Quiet and creative! Not…. Destructive.

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