How to Be a Dad

How to Be a Dad

Baby Sleep Positions: “Booby Trap”

Posted by on September 28th, 2011, under INSTRUCTIONAL DIAGRAMS

Booby Trap Baby Sleep Positions

 

FAIL Indiana Jones swap golden idol Raiders
 
I occassionally use the idol swap scene in Raiders of the Lost Ark as a metaphor when talking about needing to cleverly replace or switch something so that no bad effects occur, but I just realized… it didn’t actually work out so well for Indie. Ha ha!

Coming back from the bathroom, you cautiously shuffle through the darkness on autopilot. As you come up to it, you almost just let yourself tip into the bed like a falling tree, but something you see through half-lidded eyes makes you freeze in place. Danger! You can feel the itch of it between your shoulder blades like… an itch between your shoulder blades. But I mean a really bad one. Like the kind you can’t reach. And has you doing a backward hump of a telephone pole or stucco wall to get at it. Anyways, back to what I was saying… Danger!

Maybe you’ll tilt your head to one side to improve your sight of it as you try to make out shadows within darkness. “Whussat?” you may mumble in your sleep-drunk head. You see a darker shape that should not be there…

It’s a booby trap!!! Well, a baby trap at least. Okay it’s just your baby. You’re still screwed. No matter how long you stare at that tiny trespasser, pondering how you can possibly overcome this obstacle, you won’t. Your chances of curing cancer by rubbing twigs together are better than your chances of moving that little one without setting him off. Sleep on the floor or couch, or treat it like a band-aid and just do it fast and be done with the suffering sooner.
 


Buy The Guide to Baby Sleep Positions by Andy Herald and Charlie Capen on Barnes and Noble Buy The Guide to Baby Sleep Positions by Andy Herald and Charlie Capen on Indiebound Buy The Guide to Baby Sleep Positions by Andy Herald and Charlie Capen on Amazon

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33 Comments

33 Responses to “Baby Sleep Positions: “Booby Trap””

  1. [...] Read the original post: Baby Sleep Positions: “Booby Trap” | How To Be A Dad [...]

  2. Desiree says:

    Try this with twins. Their daddy and I couldn’t get up to pee. We just had to hold it until they woke naturally or know that the consequence was a half hour of “The Late Late show with Babies Galore”.

  3. Paul R says:

    I’ve never tried to replace my daughter with a bag of sand. Hmmmmm… Just maybe…

  4. Monica says:

    There is a trick, but keep in mind that once you start this, there is no turning back. If you can gently get your arm under the baby’s head then you can keep the baby asleep by letting him/her cuddle with you the rest of the night. Warning: Your arm could feel dead by morning. Not for the weak of heart. Good Luck!

    • andy says:

      I pretty much have to try anything that is preceded with the statement “There is a trick, but keep in mind that once you start this, there is no turning back.” Even if it involved gluing an axe to my head. It’s an autonomic response. ;)

      But your trick sounds way more useful and way less dangerous than gluing an axe to my head, so… thanks!

      • Monica says:

        Well, I hope it works for you and I am very glad my “trick” did not involve glue or an axe. I am pretty sure that would take an awful lot of glue to hold an axe to your head, they are quite heavy. =) Good Luck!

  5. Kim says:

    We call going from her falling asleep at the breast to quickly putting a passie in her mouth “Indiana Jonesing it” … so I guess this is just another version of that.. :D

  6. Mama Mary says:

    This is our house. Every night.

    • andy says:

      Holy baby bed hog, Batman! I couldn’t take it over and over again. Sometimes I place my pillow like a little speed bump to “reserve my spot.” But this illustration demonstrates how even that is ineffective. :/

  7. Natalie says:

    It’s pretty amazing how much space a 30 inch long body can take up in a adult size bed. Baby gets 95% of the bed, I get 5%. Luckily husband works overnights so we don’t have to share the bed with him, too!

    • andy says:

      Yes! I believe that babies can violate the laws of physics in a number of way, including this spacial one. Also, they can fully fit in their mouths objects that are twice the size of their mouths. Really the list goes on and on. ;)

  8. Fred says:

    Well, mine is similar but a bit different. Ours is a bit older I believe than yours but still wakes up a few times in the night. At some point, whether it’s due to me just wanting more sleep or the wife just telling me to get her, she ends up in bed with us. And then at some point later, due to her moving so much, I end up contortioned at the foot of the bed with MAYBE a pillow and blanket or not or out on the couch with or without the same sleep accessories. I have tried the ninja stealth mode of trying to later take her back down to bed after I know she is back sound to sleep, but that is usually a failure waiting to happen as she either wakes up in the process and complains or still wakes up soon after putting her down, so it still results in the same thing. So I have given up on that altogether anymore.

  9. Sarah says:

    It is a rare night that we don’t end up with a 2 yr old an a 6 yr old in our bed (boys). Usually the 2 yr old first, then the 6 yr old minutes later. I’m 99% sure they have crazy mind powers and they are intent on killing us, one sleepless night at a time. Have I also mentioned that I believe they have Ninja dreams that they act out, all night long?

    • andy says:

      Ha ha! As a parent you are not supposed to reveal the secret where non-parents can see: that all kids have mind powers and are intent on killing us. Shhhhhh.

  10. laura says:

    try triplets!!! :)

  11. Haha! I have been there a million times! I usually can manage to move the baby/kid without waking them up – but I have 3 kids worth of experience, and am like a daddy ninja!

  12. WendyD says:

    Here is how we would move our most sensitive of babies. Gently slide your hand under the head/neck/top of back. Slide your other hand under the tush. Now gently move baby over until they are right up against mom. If they wake a bit they will smell mom and usually go back to sleep easily. Also, make sure they are warm. Dress them in a footed sleeper at night unless it it really warm in the bedroom. Let me know if it works for you. I suppose I could make a video to demo if you want. :)

  13. Lori says:

    I realize this is meant to be humorous, but I must comment (“reality check”) style. Sleeping with babies less than one year old is very dangerous! Babies can be suffocated by their parents (it happens more than you think). Babies need to sleep Alone, on their Backs and in a Crib. Baby will be safer, and parents do not have to experience “H is for Hell!!”

    • Andy says:

      This is an interesting thing. There have been three or four comments on this series warning of the dangers of cosleeping or as you put it, being very dangerous. Not to be combative, but none of the comments contain anything to substantiate the concern and impression of extreme danger. I just went on the web to check stats and found the opposite of what you’re saying, sure it’s second hand at best, but what are you basing your opinion on?

      • Lori says:

        I base my opinion on Child Fatality Review Panel statistics. There have been 9 deaths due to bedsharing since November in the St. Louis area. In 2010, there were 33 deaths in the state of Missouri. These are state statistics, http://www.dss.mo.gov/re/cfrar.htm, see the annual reports on the right hand side. Also, check out http://www.firstcandle.org and go to the Bedtime Basics link.
        We just want babies to be safe and we want to save parents from the most horrendous event imaginable.

        • Andy says:

          I’m sorry, I checked out both websites and am just not seeing the extreme danger you are seeing in cosleeping. But thanks for your thoughts and concerns though. We do appreciate the interaction and contribution to the conversation on our site.

          • Lori says:

            I suppose it is a matter of opinion whether or not 33 deaths in a year in one state is alarming. We believe one is too many. I appreciate your respectful dialogue.

        • WendyD says:

          I looked at your links and could not find any research that backs up what you are saying. Maybe you could repost the direct links to the studies instead of information about not co sleeping. You concern for the welfare of children is greatly appreciated.

  14. Kein says:

    Saw this post a while back before my daughter was born, and this baby position is exactly what I’m seeing every night. (Cue sleeping on the beanbag in living room thereafter.)

    Props for great post!

  15. Lisa says:

    After my child started getting colic symptoms I read an awesome book called “Happiest Baby on the Block” where the author taught swaddling among other things. After I started swaddling her she started sleeping through the night at 4 months in her own bed. This book changed our lives!

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