How to Be a Dad

How to Be a Dad

Safety from Children: Baby Carrying Warning


Safety from Children: Baby Carrying Warning

Attention: Kids need love and protection, that’s a given, but we adults do a better job of delivering these things to kids when we are not, ourselves, in danger or excruciating pain.

There is a massive amount of information out there for keeping babies and children safe, but there is a gaping vacuum of information that adults can use to protect themselves from babies and children.

Peril is everywhere. Protect yourself, so you can better protect them. Choose safety!


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More Warning Signs
Peril is everywhere. Brace for impact!

Instructional Diagrams
If you’re not familiar with these, prepare yourself… For something.


40 Responses to “Safety from Children: Baby Carrying Warning”

  1. Suzie P. says:

    My husband tells new dads that they need to wear a cup from their child’s birth until about age four. At first it’s the baby kicks, then the changing table height is just at that spot. Then, as they get older, they run headfirst into that oh so sensitive region. We have four kids and he swears that a cup should be a standard issue for new dad.

    • andy says:

      Your husband is a smart man. I’m personally familiar with all of the sources of peril that you listed. We’ll probably cover each one in future posts. ๐Ÿ˜‰

  2. I was always careful of this, and my daughter was too short to hit me when I was holding her.

    But this weekend I got my first dose of Peril, and she hit me square on. The one where it doesn’t hurt right away, but you know it will in a few seconds.

    I didn’t cry, but I came close. Real close.

  3. Adam says:

    This also applies when lying on the couch protecting them from falling off the edge while they crawl around. They might just roll on top of you and kick you where you don’t want to be kicked (not that it happened to me yesterday or anything).

    • andy says:

      Yeah. Apparently Nature intended the male groin to double as a cushion and a climbing foot-hold for children. Nature also intended that we freeze to death during winter, so I say screw nature. Protect your peril-zone!

  4. Josh says:

    I totally learned that the hard way and always follow it now.

  5. Tad says:

    Totally agreed. I was in the Peril Zone as of last November:

    …and it’s only gotten worse.

    • andy says:

      Wow! My balls kinda sucked up into my body watching this one. You don’t need chainsaws and masks for thrills and suspense, just kids.

      The running hug is probably the next in this series.

  6. Heather B says:

    Yes! And another sign could illustrate the dangers of letting your child crawl over you (mom’s have soft spots, too, that are often in peril when knees, hands and elbows abound).

  7. Dale says:

    If this infographic had been available in the early 90’s, we could have all been spared from witnessing Bob Saget’s “witty” commentary on America’s Funniest Home Videos. Add another infographic detailing the risks of sports equipment flying towards the groin, and the show may have never existed at all!

  8. Kat says:

    I am in regular grave danger from my 5-year old when laying on a sofa or the floor. He thinks it is highly amusing to climb up onto higher furniture and land on me. There are also the unexpected running hugs which regularly knock me off my feet. I do have a little extra chub, but it’s not very bouncy. Perhaps it looks like it should be to a kid. Can you offer any protective advice?

    • andy says:

      Duct tape? Eliminate any threat you can’t defend against. Unless you want to strap pillows all over yourself. Or wait! Try gaining a LOT of weight, I’m considering trying that one out since I love food so much!

  9. Nicole says:

    This is great. I need a sign that makes it clear my boobs are a no snacking zone.

  10. Eric says:

    I have balls of steel!!

  11. ShareTheLove says:

    This is hilarious ๐Ÿ™‚
    Oh, and I actually would have scrolled up on my own, but I couldn’t resist clicking “Beam me up, Scotty!”

    • andy says:

      Ha ha! I’m glad you liked it. It’s always nice to hear when a joke is funny, but it’s especially so for the subtle ones like “Beam me up, Scotty!”

  12. Annie says:

    Also as a female keep in mind your ears. When my daughter was a baby she almost ripped my earring through my ear. Then there is the “let me grab your necklace and lead you around like a dog because you don’t want me to break it” problem.

    • andy says:

      ARG!!! Yeeeeee-ikes! The โ€œlet me grab your necklace and lead you around like a dog because you donโ€™t want me to break itโ€ problem is amazing. LOL

  13. Paulo says:

    I must confess that when I saw the word “Peril!” here, I totally heard a Jerry Lewis voice. I don’t think there’s any other way to read it. Thanks for the safety tip!

  14. such a great sign…The Man almost peed himself when I showed him


  15. Izzy says:

    Watch your distance when you put your child sitting in those grocery store carts….. Yeah, you might get a kick in the you know where!
    Those happy feet can be a hazard ๐Ÿ˜‰

  16. Gale says:

    Oh yeah, I’ve gotten a fat lip, had a tooth knocked out (not a real on…it was a bridge), had hair yanked out, and all other sorts of things…and yeah, my husband has been clobbered as pictured above oh too many times.

  17. caira says:

    I am usually being head banged while attempting to sleep. William my dear son thinks the best way to get to sleep is to get on his knees lean to whichever direction will cause most damage and let gravity take his Rock hard skull crashing down usually on my head or other tender facial areas. Sometimes boobs, but they are sqooshy and hurt less than a direct skull to nose drop.

    • andy says:

      Yeah, we’ve got a headbutt safety warning in the cooker. It’s always so surprising the first time a parent is acquainted with the force and weight and hardness of a little one’s head smashing into yours. Yikes!

  18. Gabe says:

    I’ve been in peril for the last five years. After watching Kung Fu Panda, Kung Fu Panda 2 and that Kung Fu Panda knock-off on Netflix, Chop Kick Panda, my daughter is the reincarnation of Bruce Lee*. Flailing arms, fists, elbows, knees, shins, feet and–yes–foreheads are all new additions to the peril list.

    An unexpected one from a few years back, I didn’t concern myself with the ratio of my eye socket to my daughter’s fist. How unwise as it’s not comfortable feeling your eyeball compress from the cutest, tiny fist, sucker punch ever. In retrospect, should have known to not let her watch anything with “Kung Fu” or “Chop Kick” in the title!

    *Yes, I know that Bruce Lee’s style was JKD, but you get the point.

    • andy says:

      We LOVE Kung Fu Panda in our house, but the little one hasn’t seen it yet. Maybe I should wait… But on second thought, a little Bruce Lee Lucas, sounds kind of rad. Ha ha! I can already hear my future self saying to my present self “STFU, you idiot! DON’T DO IT!”

  19. Dak333 says:

    Sorry I’m late to the party, I just found your site. My kids are 8 and 7 now, but after my daughters arrival my wife and I were told a third may be dangerous for her. So a “permanent” solution was saught, the vasectomy. So to tie in to the post. My wife has our 4 month old daughter in the stroller and I am holding my 23 month old son as depicted in the graphic. We are at the Chicago museum of science and industry watching the model train exhibit. My son LLLLLoves cars trains, about anything with wheels and mindlessly kicks his legs with excitement repeatedly. This family moment comes from the urologists suggestion that I may want to take some time off from work. After the 13th strike I was wishing I had gone into the office. It is only after the healing effects of time that I am able to talk about that day.

  20. Justin says:

    I coudlnt stop laughing with twinges of pain at reading these posts, my 3 year old actually learned the word penis that boys have them and they get hurt because of her double knee drop move straight from the wwe

    • Andy says:

      Ha ha ha ha ha! Aw, thanks! My younger son is all about his penis now. “G’amma (Grandma), wanna see my penis?” or “Mommy, where is you penis go?”

  21. David says:

    Don’t forget shopping carts. Sitting up by the handle those little feet are right where you don’t want them

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