How to Be a Dad

How to Be a Dad

Bad Product Idea #3: Lil’ Chompers Baby Dentures


Bad Product Idea #3 Lil' Chompers Baby Dentures Gold Toof Grin Double Rainbow Avatar N'avi Fangs


[ click the image to enlarge ]

If the inventor of Lil’ Chompers Baby Dentures were a real person and not just the hypothetical creator of a fictional bad product concept we created to entertain you, then at one point he probably became preoccupied with thoughts of how awful it would be to have an incomplete set of teeth. Maybe this thought was sparked when he crossed paths with a really broken-down homeless person, or attended a really crazy hockey game, who knows, the important part is that later he’d take particular notice of a newborn baby… of course, History would have stepped in at this point to take over the rest.

All babies are born with no teeth!” he would shout, maybe even thumping his fist on a conference table, as he frantically pitched the idea to some potential investors. And, as every good businessperson knows: when there’s an absence of demand, you can always throw supply at a huge potential market and wait for demand to catch up. But even investors have to play hard-to-get before they get into any bed, so maybe they asked something like, “What about potential backlash—” But the inventor wouldn’t even let them finish the sentence, blurting, “Hey! If the elderly can wear diapers!… Huh? C’mon! Turnabout is fair play!” They would have nodded, convinced.

Alas, Lil’ Chompers isn’t a real product which means it can’t have had an inventor. But we salute you, hypothetical inventor guy, and your dedication to a crazy vision and your frothing drive to see all babies outfitted with a full set of pearly whites.*

* Remember that we are in no way recommending or condoning the creation, manufacturing, marketing or use of any of these product concepts. We are presenting them as absolutely horrible product ideas. Please direct any hate mail to NAMBLA, the IRS, the IRA or any other awful acronym.


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57 Responses to “Bad Product Idea #3: Lil’ Chompers Baby Dentures”

  1. Sarcasmicrph says:

    Gah!! It’s a baby Gary Busey! So disturbing…

  2. jetts31 says:

    That’s a shame. I think the Gold Tooth Grin set would have been a real hit.

  3. Alas, babies will never taste the rainbow.

    • andy says:

      Baby Gary Busey with a gobful Skittles is the visual I got. Amazing. Skittles would be rough on Lil’ Chompers if they did exist. If you get a big enough wad going, the rainbow can get pretty sticky. 😉

  4. I’m going to have nightmares for weeks. And I blame Andy. *shudder* *rubs my boobs protectively*

  5. Lizzie says:

    OH MY GOODNESS! I love it! the colorful ones especially! Babies can start eating steak earlier than expected now…he,he!

  6. britter says:

    Hilarious!!!!!! I agree with the first comment, totally a Gary Busy look! Does he have dentures?

  7. So if you guys aren’t going to patent it, do you mind if I do? You can’t create such a great business idea then just abandon it…

  8. andy says:

    Totally looks like…

    Because I’m still wigging out about the accidental likeness of the Lil’ Chompers baby to Gary Busey, I threw together this homemade “Totally Looks Like…” for everyone’s viewing pleasure.

  9. Fail. You missed the sparkly vampire baby market.

    My God…it’s like you don’t even have a teenage girl on your staff.

    • andy says:

      I’m the teenaged girl on our staff and I want to kick my own ass for missing that opportunity. Don’t laugh. Charlie got assigned the young foreign-language-speaking hiphop domographic and Oopma Loompas (should they ever be discovered).

      Andy Herald Twilight cardboard cutouts Jacob and Edward

    • charlie says:

      You haven’t heard my laugh yet. Don’t judge a book by it’s electronic kindle cover, Jenny.

      Also, Andy is like a girl. You should see him run.

      • andy says:

        Charlie! You’ve never seen me run. I try to avoid the stuff completely, it’ll kill you. Remember what happened to the guy who invented jogging?

  10. Wodi says:

    This is in poor taste. Not only is it racist and child abuse in its purest form, but it is also degrading towards women, and pokes fun at homosexuality. Shame on you. This blog used to be a fun skew of baby culture. However, lately your posts have done nothing more than push a neocon political agenda. This will be my last time supporting your fascist attempt to control the intrawebs.

    • andy says:

      Ha ha ha ha ha ha! What if we make you a general in the new regime?

      P.S. I’m going to be laughing at this one for a good long while. Thanks! (wipes a tear of laughter away)

  11. MotherDuck says:

    I’m pleasantly disturbed!

  12. Seriously, our daughter has been teething so long sometimes I space out and think what it would be like if she had a full set of choppers. Your picture is the exact thing I envision.

    • andy says:

      You would think that I would have imagined my own son with these bad mamajamas in his mouth, but, alas, I didn’t. Hilaaaaaaarious visual!

  13. SteveG says:

    Okay, the Gary Busey comparison took this from funny to creepy.. But at least they aren’t showing vampire versions..I don’t think I could handle a sparkle baby vampire.

  14. […] of having an incomplete set of teeth when there’s Lil’ Chompers Baby Dentures? – How to Be a Dad Share This […]

  15. TacoMagic says:

    click the image to enlarge

    No, I don’t think I will… AND YOU CAN’T MAKE ME!

    Can’t sleep, Baby Busey will eat me.

    • andy says:

      Yeah, you’re right. The image is big enough even when viewed as a small thumbnail on our Facebook Page. And by “big enough” I mean nightmare-inducing. 😀 <- Busey Baby emoticon

  16. sandi says:

    oh god i cant stop laughing

  17. emily says:

    i’m thinking you could market these babies to Toddlers in Tiaras and really bring in the cash flow. think about it.

  18. Laura Miller says:

    Who said baby dentures were such a bad idea? LOL…check out this pic of my daughter, Ivy.

  19. mariana says:


  20. Danielle says:

    I will add a resounding “Nope”! It is painfully (pun intended) obvious that you gentlemen have not had the extreme pleasure (NOT!!!) of being bitten while nursing. Let’s not give the little boogers teeth and spare the boobies for a few months.

  21. Simple Savvy says:

    “Please direct any hate mail to NAMBLA” – I laughed so hard at this! Love your blog!!

  22. kenya says:

    ironically, my mom says my uncle had to have baby dentures because he had a hard time teething. also the dentist had to slit my brother’s gums a lil to allow his teeth to come through! my lil girl is 5 1/2 mos and have been teething for about 2 mos already so i hope to make it to the light at the end of the tunnel a lil sooner! she’s also trying to walk, talk, and feed herself already as well. :/

  23. Millie says:

    What the writer wrote about this product doesn’t exist is incorrect.
    Perhaps not for newborns.. But I unfortunately have seen little 2 and 3 yrs old wearing dentures on that TV show Toddlers and Tiaras.
    They also have fake nails and weaves on.
    Just saying some nutty moms will do anything to perfect their barely left the baby stage daughters and this unfortunately is real and out there.

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