How to Be a Dad

How to Be a Dad

Hypo-mom-dria (The Hypochondria of Mothers)

Posted by on April 1st, 2011, under INSTRUCTIONAL DIAGRAMS

Hypo-mom-dria A Mother's Perception Versus Reality

[ click the image to enlarge ]

A study on a mother’s (especially a first-timer’s) reality versus perception. A mother’s hypochondria: hypo-mom-dria.

Let’s take a look inside the heads of some moms (and sometimes dads) when confronted with childhood illnesses and injuries. Don’t misunderstand, mothers are rad and this is not a slight on them. It’s just that some moms are willing to open-mouth an elbow to suck the poison and germs out when their little one wipes out on asphalt or pace around wondering if they should call the pediatrician because they thought they heard a sneeze through the baby monitor. It’s amazing and wonderful. But it’s also hilarious.

Think we’re biased against moms?
Then, try this link about how fathers screw it up too.

But what about the kids and their crazy?
This should explain things. Depends on which parent they go after…

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40 Comments

40 Responses to “Hypo-mom-dria (The Hypochondria of Mothers)”

  1. Ava says:

    Even though this is completely accurate, I still take offense ;)

    • charlie says:

      Editors’ Note: Not all moms are infected with Hypomomdria. Just the awesome ones.

      • mo says:

        lol, I definitely had this to an extent with my first. My I also wanted to sock the lady who rolled her eyes at me when I picked up my son’s binky and asked my husband to rinse it off. She told us it was obvious our son was our first because we were rinsing the binky. I wanted to shove the thing in her mouth and ask if she minded the mud on it…I don’t think she was aware it had just fallen in a muddy puddle and literally was disgusting. Even if it hadn’t, no first time parent needs to deal with some random lady’s condescension! But yes, my 1st son spent a whole lot more time than he needed visting the ped. My second, not so much.

        • Amber says:

          You should still rinse off a babys binky, their mouths do not contain the same bacteria as ours yet that help fight off other bacteria. I’m pretty sure thats a big way for baby to get thrush, ESPECIALLY if you ‘clean’ it by sucking on it.

          • Patti says:

            Actually, we spread the bacteria that cause tooth decay when we clean the binky in an adult’s mouth. Now THAT’S gross!

    • andy says:

      I offend myself all the time.

  2. Desiree says:

    I was about to comment that I wasn’t this way at all with my babies, and then a particular trip to the hospital came to mind – something I’d completely forgotten about from the early years … so, uhm, never mind.

    But, my dad says the first child is coddled, the second child is given more freedoms and the third can juggle knives and get away with it… This is kinda similar.

    • charlie says:

      Desiree, I think there’s another diagram prototype here. It’s a flowchart on our Swiss-cheese/Memento memory. Parents become an amalgam of The characters from”Quantum Leap”, “Witness” and “24″.

  3. Elizabeth aka Lizzie says:

    I don’t know what ya’ll are talking about! Hypo-Mom-dria? Seriously? I have never had this problem. I am perfectly calm and always take things at face value with Lucas!!

    Wouldn’t you say?

  4. [...] in the day (about two months ago), we created a diagram called “Hypo-mom-dria” as a play on the hypochondria some mother’s get into with regard to their little ones. [...]

  5. Phil says:

    Kid standing on a chair = kid balancing on one foot on the edge of a 400ft ravene

    • Gale says:

      ;) But then, later, when they are actually standing on one foot at the edge of a 400 ft ravene…

      OK, so my kid has not done that YET, but I have experienced the terror of taking my three boys (then 3, 6, and 8) up to visit a fire tower. I’m a little scared of heights, but we were in my home town and this was somewhere I actually volunteered at with my mom as a kid, so we had to go. I was second guessing that decision all up those metal stairs, and getting palpitations while my three year old ran circles around the observation deck, but my heart nearly stopped when my oldest, half way down those stairs on the way out, lifted his leg and put it OVER the railing. When I screamed his name he put his leg back down and said, “What? I wanted to slide down.” BOYS! They have no sense of risk! Not even the big ones!

  6. clo says:

    Yep, as a mum of two – pretty much on the money – call us paranoid – it’s our job :/

  7. I may or may not have this affliction. Hard to tell while minding my 15y, 4y, & 9mo old BOYS. Chances are they are most likely trying to kill themselves or me at any moment. True story.

  8. [...] you a mother’s hypochondria, fearing the worst of a child’s illness or injury, with Hypo-mom-dria. And we also completed the parental picture by showing you a dad’s “put duct tape on it [...]

  9. [...] you a mother’s hypochondria (fearing the worst of a child’s illness or injury) with Hypo-mom-dria. With our Hyper-dad-dria illustration, we completed the parental picture by showing you a [...]

  10. Arlene Hopkins says:

    Thaaaaats right! Thank Goodness for Mothers ;)

  11. Tara says:

    I am definitely one of those moms. You forgot mole=skin cancer, although I do this more with my husband.

  12. Debra says:

    As a mom of 5 and now a grandma of a 5-in-1(1 child with the strength and wildness of 5)…you learn to not panic until until you see guts hanging out of your four yr old girl(slice her abdomen open on a nail),a finger hanging off your 2 yr.old son who just had to stick it in the wrong side of heavy door,your 2 yrold girl who pierced her own lip clean through with a fork,and a 5 month old who pulls out their own I.V. while in the hospital,even though it is triple taped and space age looking bubbles and arm boards covering it all…give me a sneeze or cough anytime,I need the break!

  13. Emily says:

    I once took a toddler and a stool sample into the pediatrician because I was convinced she had worms… she had just eaten a blade of grass. :-P

    • andy says:

      My wife just gave our 2yo children’s echinacea because earlier today he took a sip of two day old tea. I love her to pieces, bit I still laugh openly. ;)

      • mo says:

        lol My son drank some milk he’d had sitting out for half the day and my husband freaked. I told him that I figured if it was from the same day, it probably wasn’t going to kill him. It probably didn’t taste that great, but I figured he’d be okay. And he was.

  14. Meg says:

    I have to say I nearly spit a mouthful of coffee onto my keyboard reading this. So funny and so true. My husband is standing behind me nodding his head. I am completely guilty of doing this!

  15. Shain says:

    My husband is one of 5. His mum once said that if your first child swallows a 50p piece you take him to the hospital, and if your 5th does the same thing, you just tell him it’s coming out of his pocket money!

  16. caira says:

    I had a slight case of this but it only really surfaced when there was blood in the poop or a really stuffy nose. My husband on the other hand…anytime our son coughs while eating it is an immediate “he’s choking reaction” and he is way more concerned with germs. If I had my way I would just wipe germs on our son all day. How else is his body going to learn self defence? And he treated him like a little glass doll when he was little. I never felt he was going to break. I was “rough” with him. And especially now that he is walking, falls and bumps happen and if nothing is gushing blood or twisted unnaturally I tell him to shake it off after a quick hug.

  17. Ypsi says:

    I remember this all too well with my first, and to a much lesser extent my 2nd. By the 3rd, as they say in the movie _Parenthood_, “you let them juggle knives”. :)

  18. Christina says:

    I’m not so much the hypo-mom-driac as much as my mom is. When I was little, if I got a scrape, she’d tell me I would be fine. Now, if either of my boys get a scrape, she freaks out and wants to take them to the emergency room.
    Now I do find myself in some of those hypo-mom-dria moments occasionally, but none really come to mind at the moment.

  19. Ricky Spanish says:

    Sometimes though this is fueld by a prior serious incident. My son was born with meconium in his lungs and APGAR 1. That was very hard to get over. I had serious PPA because of it. Six weeks later? RSV where his oxygen levels were upper 80s. Not good. And then he got sick over and over again with his lungs after that.

    Spent 2 years in a high panic everytime he got sick or was near someone sick.

    I’m much better now (says I with a crooked/wacked out smile). Now he eats dirt and I roll my eyes.

    • Beccaliz says:

      Some worry is totally part of ptsd. Some of my friends have had experience of a child nearly dying and now they are very quick to jump to scary conclusions, but it’s completely understandable from them.

  20. Stacey says:

    I think you guys just became my new favorite blog! Hilarious and so true! Mine is definitely not this clever…but now we can’t all be lol I will definitely be by often! Thanks!
    Thanks! :)

  21. Beccaliz says:

    My mother in law is even worse than this. Every cough is croup, every rash is scarlet fever or chicken pox, every bump is cancer. No matter what logic you give as to why the kid’s not gonna die from it, she won’t believe and expects me to take them to the Doctor. Hubby swears she never took he or any of his 3 sibs to the Doctor that much. However when he was 18 she talked him into going to the er bc of a stomach ache saying it was probably a bladder infection. Turned out to be gas… He was quite embarrassed…

  22. Deva says:

    Ha! I’m totally a hypo-mom-driac! Funny stuff, gents.

  23. […] Hypomomdria. It’s a thing. Must I remind you of this? You guys, if you do anything today, please marvel […]

  24. Jenny says:

    I am a biologist, and I am not a mom yet, but I foresee my future children living through a lot of “Oh it’s REALLY itchy? You CAN’T resist scratching it? Oh cool, maybe it’s flesh eating bacteria — hold still while I take a sample. Oh, it’s not so bad anymore? Sigh. Guess I’ll have to wait…”

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