My Kid Just Said… #29
“I married to Mommy.” No no, being married is when a boy and a girl meet and decide to spend the rest of their lives together. “Yes… I married to Mommy.” -Lucas (4 years old) Touché, kid. Tou-friggin-ché. Go get me a tissue, will ya? ““ Previous My Kid Just Said Blood keeps your kid […]
Clouds – Scrabble Scribble #1 (a father and son collaboration)
I recently discovered some “urban art” my 4yo son made on the side of our house and posted a picture of the two graffitied characters. It sparked an idea. I’d like to think it’s me and my son, except he doesn’t look too thrilled. I’d always wanted to do a comic strip, so the […]
My Wife Just Said… #125
[Answers cell phone] “You’re giving me away! Ha ha! I’m playing Hide and Seek with the little one! Your ring is giving me away! He’s coming…” [click] -Elizabeth Totally didn’t mind that hang up. My bad! In other related news, a Japanese professor is actually campaigning for Hide and Seek to be added to […]
Daddy Vader Says… Bedtime
They’ll pay you compliments and pour on the affection. They’ll make promises or deals. They’ll even resort to tormented begging and pouty threats. When it’s bedtime, kids’ll try nearly anything for that precious five more minutes.* * “five more minutes” is defined here in the sense that children use it: until the child passes out […]
Baby Size Compared to Junk Food (A More Honest Chart)
From the moment the pee on a pregnancy stick says “yes, the gleam in his eye has met the speck in her tummy,” we start the process of wondering how big the little one actually is in there. Through all the weeks, months and trimesters. So, we find fetal size references that make a woman’s […]
Teddy Bear Surgery
So little is presently understood about the anatomy and physiology of stuffed animals. Advances in the subject have for a very long time been stifled by the social sigma placed on anyone who dissects toys or stuffed animals; branding them as “emotionally unstable” or “weird.” Thankfully, progress is now being made. Let’s have an amazing […]
My Wife Just Texted… #123
Sometimes my wife makes me feel like the prettiest lil’ husband. I oughta put on something special for her tonight. Gender roles can be as fun as panties can be comfy. ““ Previous “My Wife Just Said…” Toddlers are a little nutty about eating. Sometimes bribing is necessary. Follow us on Facebook. It’s the best […]
My Kid Just Said… #28
“My bwood is still awake.” -Lucas (4 years old) Uhhhhhhh… Your what? Your BLOOD? It’s still awake? Oh… … … good?* * I can’t bring myself to tell him the it’s bedtime for his blood. Way too creepy. Shhhhhh… don’t wake his blood. They’ll say anything to get out of going to bed, […]
Parenterms: “Douchebaguette”
They exist. Douchebaguettes. The B word is rough, though. And the C word is just wall-to-wall taboo unless you’re Irish and referring to another man, in which case it can count as breathing with sound. When you have kids, there’s a mental censor that tends to go into play, even if you’re a d*mned total […]
Cooties Epidemic Breaking News
Daybreak, the world sits on the edge of its seat, anxiously chewing its collective hand-sanitized fingernails for news of some breakthrough, some hope, as outbreaks of the cooties virus continue to sweep across the U.S. Yesterday the National Guard finished shutting down all schools, parks, playgrounds and ball pits; a massive effort to slow the […]
