When you become a parent, there are certain things you anticipate and others that even Dr. Seuss couldn’t have even begun to imagine. You look forward to holding your baby and hearing their voice. You wonder about the foods they might prefer or which Star Wars character they’ll identify with most. Fantasize about how they […]
“You’re going to let me buy that cheesy, light-up lawn decoration because you love me. And because the lad loves it.” -Elizabeth Double whammy. Love can be a very powerful bargaining chip. But the crappiness of some holiday decorations can overwhelm even the most passionate hearts. ““ Previous “My Wife Just Said…” What bowling […]
Babies are really terrible at making stuff. Unless it’s poop or pee, or making us smile and never sleep. So their first snowmen will require quite a bit of parental assembly. Some people wonder why parents do this for their babies (birthdays and snowmen and such), hinting that it’s all really just for the parents. […]
Even if parents can’t wield the Force to deliver wedgies or noogies or zerbers from across a long dining table, kids need to be taught that they should be on their guard at all times. The way you teach them this is by delivering sneak-attack tickles, wedgies, noogies or zerbers. They’ll pick it up right […]
“Dis dinner tastes wike horse.” -Lucas (2013, 4 years old) It was an insult so innocent and random that it wasn’t at all insulting; if it even was intended as a complaint. He made it sound like it was a positive thing. Unfortunately for my wife, our laughter was loud and long enough that […]
Most medical terms sound hyper-enlightened and mystifying, but are actually based on Latin and Greek words that just meant… the thing that they referred to. What woman is going to let a “student of women” near their vagina, let alone PAY them for it? But that’s what “gynecologist” meant literally in Greek. If you look […]
For those of you who’ve been following our parenting journey since the beginning of this fine establishment, you all know that our previous birth story was fast and furious. Finn made his entrance into this world in under four hours and our doula was a total no-show. So, I’d like to give you five reasons […]
We’ve been overeating in advance of our national holiday commemorating over-eating. Our bellies reflect this hobby. We’ve settled into a sprint on the home stretch and it’s the point of no return. My wife remains pretty and glowing, while I remain petty and glowering. But don’t I make a beautiful pregnant dude? #FatBellyFriday ““ 36 […]
“When I grow up, I don’t want to grow up.” -Lucas (2013, 4 years old) Wishing on your birthday cake to never grow up probably breaks some Wish Law but I’m good with that if that’s the worst law he ever breaks. It started with him standing on a step stool. He had as much […]
Manners at the table can seem like a sport. Of course, parents are the stressed out coaches, yelling orders from the sidelines or anxiously mouthing silent instructions to their kids. The Holidays, however, are the flippin’ Hunger Games of proper… um…acceptable… ugh… passable dinning etiquette for your kids. This hilarious video brings back so […]
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