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Live as if Every Moment… You Were a Muppet
It’s easy to fall into routines. Routines are useful, but they can also wear ruts into the path of anyone’s life. It can be hard to stop and smell the roses or do our thinking outside of boxes. This is all too true for parents. Boxes are all that keeps us from drowning in books […]
5 Ways New Year’s Eve Is Just Like Being a Parent
We made it. Most of us. We made it through 2013 and we are birthed into a new year like screaming babes covered in slimy goodness into the arms of our mommies, another January. But if you’ve spent a night of debauchery ringing in the new year, I’m here to tell you: you’re qualified to […]
How to Give Gifts that Are Actually for You
Every holiday season, we shop for our kids, our family and our friends, but let’s admit it, we’re pretty frigging interested in what we might get. There are so many rad things! Gotta look out for number one, even if we’re not supposed to say that. Hmmmm… Ah ha! What if there were a way […]
Amazing Depeche Mode Cover from a Dad and His Kids
I cannot even believe this. This is amazing. A kazoo even? My God. Even if you’re not a fan of or familiar with Depeche Mode’s Everything Counts, it’s okay. This is sung in the international language of Rad, in the key of WEEEEEEEEE. If your brain doesn’t melt, your heart will. Or both. If neither […]
Daddy Vader Says… Defend Yourself
Even if parents can’t wield the Force to deliver wedgies or noogies or zerbers from across a long dining table, kids need to be taught that they should be on their guard at all times. The way you teach them this is by delivering sneak-attack tickles, wedgies, noogies or zerbers. They’ll pick it up right […]
Boob Visibility Comparison Chart (Models vs Mothers)
Mothers. They hide in bathroom stalls, fashion elaborate blankie wigwams or take cover behind mall ferns and alley dumpsters to protect us from the horror of the breastfeeding process. And by “us” I mean the few deranged and perverted assholes whose stomachs and backs have turned on a process that is commonly known as fucking […]
Daddy Vader Says… Displeased
What a kid and Imperial staff aboard the Death Star have in common is lots. Sometimes it seems ridiculously generous to use the “progress” for the chore or activity being performed. If something is worth asking to be done over and over and over again, it’s worth doing right. Right? The first time. Not after […]
Parenterms: “Awkwurchase”
Some people experience buyers remorse as they are buying something. Sucked into the inescapable gravitational pull of the purchasing process, maybe they feel they’ll look like a moron or worse, a poor person, abandoning items in front of store clerks and their fellow shoppers. Always watching. Always judging. “Ooooooo you grabbed a pack of size […]
Don’t Be Fooled: Girls DON’T Poop!
There’s this rumor that keeps hanging around these days that’s as stubborn as the worst toilet skid or unflushable floater. There’s all this crazy talk about women, get this, POOPING! Ha ha! Priceless! I bet Santa Claus and the Tooth Fairy are riding unicorns as they laugh their asses off at this. EXCEPT FOR THE […]
Daddy Vader Says… Open Wide
Whatever mode of transportation you use to shuttle food into the cargo bay in your baby’s face station, we all have to admit that Yoda looked pretty good for a 900-year-old! Right??? And now that we all agree on that, let’s also all agree and admit that making a good tie fighter screech-roar is really […]
