When you haven’t eaten in a while, you get hungry. When “a while” is actually the length of time things need to fossilize, you starve! You can start smelling delicious phantom whiffs, or hear something you could have sworn was bacon joyously sizzling a second ago. It’s the same with sex. Except for the sizzling […]
“If I’m an asshole driver, but only to other asshole drivers, does this really make me an asshole driver?” –Avara Good luck with your travels this week everyone! Including assholes! ““ Previous “My Wife Just Said…”
We haven’t really given our opinion on many subjec…. BWAHAHAHAHA. Truth is, we don’t like to dirty up your pristine minds with our ridiculous thoughts. But sometimes, there are certain situations when we have to break our own rules. Steven Spielberg’s new film, Lincoln, is worth watching. Forget Twilight. Forget Skyfall. Lincoln is where it’s […]
How many looks of disgust or ohmahgosh rolls of the eyes do you think this mom gets breastfeeding in public? Bingo! Not many. At least not from people with a full set of arms in their collection. You could argue that it’s because she’s a part of a primitive society and that they’re all simply […]
Lately, I’ve been trying to find humor in a world on the brink seriousness overload. So, I’m (re-)reading a lot of Kurt Vonnegut. I guess I’m busy trying to bury my head up to my neck like an ostrich, in books. They don’t actually do this. At all. You know you can trust someone who […]
“Shhhhhhh! No no. I’m trying to eavesdrop on the next table’s conversation.” -Elizabeth ““ Previous “My Wife Just Said…”
Sometimes… when parents gaze lovingly at their child, they see themselves, a perfect combination of two separate people in one, giggling forward into the future for them. Other times… they see an ex-assassin seeking revenge, one-by-one, on the group of killer stuffed animals that betrayed… Erm… Okay. Maybe that never happens. UNTIL NOW! I bow […]
The Noobie He’s only three years old. He’d never been trick-or-treating. So, it was excusable that Lucas was supremely deficient in the Clue Department when it came to Halloween. When I asked him what he was going to be, he put on his low, gruff serious voice and laughed, saying, “Ho ho nooooo, Daddy!” as […]
Last night, as the commotion was coming to an end, and my son was verging on total insanity from staying up too late, his 3-year-old mind decided to articulate a point I think bears repeating… Good luck stopping Finn from having fun. Imagine living life like that? So, let’s take this message and carry it […]
Warning: I use the words “penis” and “vagina” great deal in this post. If those words offend or concern, you should not have (or should never have had) children because honestly you’re too immature for them. For years, we’ve heard about “penis envy” and “penis aggression” and “penis parties” from people with, um, penises. Well, […]
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