NOTEBOOK
Commentary, experiments, failures (more often than not) and experiences in the field.
Unicorn Poop or How I Fell in Love with the Daughter I Never Had
I’m not much of a “Guy” or “Man” in the senses used in the advice given in the movie Say Anything: “Don’t be a guy, be a man.” Whichever stereotype coloring book you’re using, most of my colors wind up outside the lines. But I do have a penis and three boys to prove it, […]
Tissues & Tampons
My entire family just went down with the flu at the same time. It was like a horror movie, one by one we fell. My wife was the last one standing. For a while, she even deluded herself that this would be one of those movies where one character gets out alive, to reflect on […]
Getting an Evite for Sex
The start of my, shall we say, intimate relationship with my spouse was about as far from spontaneous as possible. When you’re in a long distance relationship and seeing your significant other requires plane tickets, you tend to plan. With a sense of humor and a holiday calendar, we scheduled our first time together for […]
New Year’s Deep Thought
If you had a rough year, just remember: Tomorrow eats today and poops out yesterday. Thanks to everyone for making it less rough for us. Happy New Year! -Charlie & Andy
The Age Guessing Wheel of Misfortune
Generally speaking, women don’t tend to be hardcore fans of the word “old,” or even “older.” So, to play it safe, I’ll avoid using the words at all here. Also, my wife reads my posts and to be honest I hate being responsible for making her cry. I’m also pretty partial to my testicles remaining […]
How to Raise a Hobbit
I’ve written this brief How-To guide for my fellow fanatics, who have or plan to have kids, to raise their human children as hobbits. Why, you ask? I loved The Hobbit before I even read it. It was like I was born under the enchantment of its magical spell. Reading it in my teens only […]
Parenting Is All About Rocking and Rolling
I can’t enter this contest, but my dad could have, and maybe so could YOU. Let me tell you a story first. I know I’m weird. I accept that. I’ve written before about being the son of a radio DJ father and surviving a semi-bohemian upbringing in San Francisco. About the music played on giant […]
Where Do Callouses Come From?
Finn and I walked through the park holding hands, like manly men often do, and spoke of the world. “Ambling” is probably a better description of how we proceeded but I’m in no mood to be poetic. I’ll leave that to the lonely, crying men. Having barely walked the long expanse of a trail leading […]
The Infinite Loop of Kids
When your ass starts twitching, it’s usually due to the ignored impulse of your body telling you that it wants to run away (screaming optional). Fixed smiles and mechanical bobs of the head are often our last resort in being encouraging parents. Let me explain. Kid repetition > Parent patience A joke told fifty […]
Living Man Declared Dead
Lately, I’ve been trying to find humor in a world on the brink seriousness overload. So, I’m (re-)reading a lot of Kurt Vonnegut. I guess I’m busy trying to bury my head up to my neck like an ostrich, in books. They don’t actually do this. At all. You know you can trust someone who […]
