My Kid Just Yelled… #47
“No! I can’t be quiet!! I HASTA BE WEALLY, WEALLY WOUD WIGHT NOW!!!” -Lucas (2014, 4.5 years old) Um. Can you say it again in my other ear? The one that’s not bleeding. Or was that just an impression of a velociraptor being tortured while laying an egg? There’s no way around it. You’ve just […]
Beware of Bad Parentexting
The days have passed when VCRs blinked 12:00 as a signal to one and all that technology had gotten ahead of its owner and they didn’t know how to set the clock. Ironically, this is a timeless theme, though. Cavekids probably rolled their eyes under their jutting brows as they watched their parents use a […]
My Wife Just Said… #159
“When they kissed in old movies, it looked like two people fell into each other’s faces and just stopped. And now it looks painful, like they’re trying to eat each other’s faces off.” -Elizabeth Every once in a while my wife and I will turn our heads slowly and exchange looks, in response […]
The Spitty Thumb
Birds do courtship dances without a single lesson. A spider knows how to spin a web without ever having seen one. In much the same way (except not as nasty as spiders), I believe the Spitty Thumb is an action pattern that’s genetically coded into parents. It has its stimulus. Kids. They’re absolute schmutz and […]
Everyone Is Born Blind
I always noticed that when my sons first started out coloring, whether it was their own mutated blobs, coloring books or plain ol’ restaurant place mats, they’d always use the wackiest shades to color in things and people. What they laid to page was as random as the course taken by a drop of water. […]
Bandaid – Scrabble Scribble #6
Character-licensed bandaids are rad. Superheroes, cartoon celebrities, exotic animal prints oh my! They can also constitute a line item in your financial budgeting software if they’re really rad. ““ Follow us on Facebook. You won’t need a bandaid, but we won’t judge if you wanna wear one. More Scrabble Scribble Comics See the […]
PARENT OPERATION (The Game)
Playing this game could seriously teach parents some vital skills in raising their kids. First and foremost: PATIENCE. Followed by the close 2nd: the ability to tolerate sudden startling noises. There’s probably a whole grab bag of other useful parenting traits to be gained or honed in playing this updated version of the classic kids’ […]
My Wife Just Said… #157
“Lucas, please! Your penis is not a musical instrument.” -Elizabeth He’s four and a half years old. I’m sure I made a banjo of my twig and berries at that age, too. But still, it’s not an acoustic performance my wife and I are really interested in observing. Though, and I’m not sure how […]
Properly Not Giving a ####
WARNING: This post contains a lot of swearwords. If that offends you, click here. Most heroes are too cool to care. (Watch a musical video aid.) Everyone has said they “don’t care” in one way or another at some point or always. It can be used for good, as if to declare emotional […]
LOLs: An Illustrated Guide
Some of the poor misguided kids these days use acronyms so much it extends to regular speech. I’ve heard kids say “el oh el” or “lol” in response to a joke rather than laugh. Creepy. Even if that kind of makes your skin crawl, a lot of us use the common laugh acronyms online and […]
