How to Be a Dad

How to Be a Dad

Wife

My Wife Just Said… #294

Posted by on December 5th, 2016, under "MY WIFE JUST SAID..."

Kids make sleep an endangered species. My kids are particularly antipathetic toward my sleep schedule because no matter how late they go to bed, they wake up at the same hour. WHAT THE HELL. THAT’S NOT HOW THIS WORKS, KIDS. But you’d never expect the fallout of having children to include everything they own ALSO […]

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Nerf Wars: Revenge of the Husband

Posted by on December 1st, 2016, under VIDEOTAPE

Listen, my wife and I have a funny, and to those on the outside, odd relationship sometimes. We do things that annoy each other on purpose. We sometimes wrestle around in bed. We make sounds or voices that grate on our respective last nerves. This woman? Well, she’s a saint for putting up with this […]

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My Wife Just Said… #292

Posted by on November 21st, 2016, under "MY WIFE JUST SAID..."

The extremes of parenting vary wildly. Some days you are so tired you can’t open your eyes, a bottle, a jar or DVD boxset of Star Wars so you can just get a minute in peace on the couch. Others, you’re hyper-aware. Your finely tuned parent senses are on overdrive and set to 11. Every […]

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My Wife Just Said… #290

Posted by on November 7th, 2016, under "MY WIFE JUST SAID..."

My Wife: Charlie, I still have a headache. Can you please rub my shoulders a little bit? Me: Sure, just let me put my Apple Watch back on to track the calories I’ll burn. My Wife: … 😑 So, we went on a crazy death march this weekend. You could call it a hike. I […]

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My Wife Just Said… #288

Posted by on October 24th, 2016, under "MY WIFE JUST SAID..."

My older son Finn was sitting in the backseat with his mama while his brother Arden sandwiched her on the other side. If you’ve ever had two carseats on opposite sites, you know that riding in the middle is one of Dante’s levels of hell. Finn’s godmother was sitting in the front passenger seat while […]

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My Wife Just Said… #286

Posted by on October 10th, 2016, under "MY WIFE JUST SAID..."

As soon as she left, I regretted it. Ha! “Come back,” I wrote her. I’d changed my mind. As soon as the boys fought over the cap to a shampoo bottle in the tub, I wanted to be whisked away to the cold foods section. I wanted to feel the cold breeze of the freezer […]

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My Wife Just Said… #282

Posted by on September 12th, 2016, under "MY WIFE JUST SAID..."

First off, my wife is full of shit. Downhill, my ass. But it got me thinking about all the things that I took for granted when I was younger, and the ways I can/can’t act now that I’m getting grays and the lines in my face resemble war trenches. Do I look naive anymore? Can […]

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My Wife Just Said… #280

Posted by on August 31st, 2016, under "MY WIFE JUST SAID..."

So, we haven’t tried these yet but I can hear it calling my name from the freezer every so often. Like a sweet siren call luring me to the rocky, sugary depths of summertime fun. What’s funny is my wife doesn’t even drink much, if ever. Alcohol makes her tired and cranky. But she purchased […]

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My Wife Just Said… #276

Posted by on August 1st, 2016, under "MY WIFE JUST SAID..."

Sometimes my Irish heritage makes me a perfect target for teasing. For example, if I were to wear all white out to public places, there’s a very good chance people would arrest me for public nudity. When I got out in the sun, people ask if I’m a vampire with chicken pox. We went to […]

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My Wife Just Said… #274

Posted by on July 18th, 2016, under "MY WIFE JUST SAID..."

I don’t know what to do. Ground him? Staple his pant legs to a chair? Stop time? How do we prevent our children from growing up too fast without stunting everything that makes them fun to watch grow up? I guess we can’t have it both ways, so we just get to cling to the […]

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