Parent Sex Pro Tip: Toys
There’s good advice and there’s bad advice. And then there’s advice that’s so weird and confusing, you don’t know which one it is. One thing that’s certain is that sex deprivation, the lame prize in the cereal box of parenthood, can often make even the worst advice seem plausible. Or something. Maybe. – Follow us [...]
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Live Action Toy Story is AMAZING
Sometimes, you find things in the least of likely places… I was looking for a quote from Toy Story on Saturday night. I wanted a video clip of it so I could reply with a 2013 sensibility, you know, using video clips instead of actually talking or typing written words or. Maybe it’s a guy [...]
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My Kid Just Said… #14
[Christmas morning] “Whu’s dat? A pwesent? Fo MEEE??? Whu’s in it?” [1 minute later] “I can’t open da wapping. It keeps wipping. Oh WOOK! TWAINS!!!” [.0001 seconds later] “I wead da ‘stwuctions and you buiwd it, okay, Daddy?” [100 minutes or so later] “It’s not wook wight, Daddy. Hewe ya go. You can have da [...]
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A Holiday Message from the Dads
To those of you who labor and never stop, And those who’ve labored for hours just to see a life drop. To those who always put food on the table, and those who don’t have a table to eat on. Happy Labor Day We know that sometimes you work hard to deliver toys when it’s [...]
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How to Commit the Perfect Toy Murder
[ click the image to enlarge ] Oh how they sing. Oh how they dance. You gave it as a gift, not knowing any better. Or someone else gave it to your kid, not knowing that it could ultimately make you want to stab pens in your ears or kill yourself. But whatever you [...]
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Toys Make You a Singing Psycho
♫ The wheels on the bus go round and round, round and round, round and round! The wheels on the bus go round and round, aaaaall throoough the toooown! ♫ I think this is the song my wife will be muttering quietly, over and over to herself when they discover her, smoking gun in hand, [...]
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The Breast Milk Baby Doll (NSFW?)
I love breastfeeding. I mean, not personally, but you know what I mean. Because I haven’t ever lactated or whatever. Personally. Anyway, the other day I found this kids’ doll called “The Breast Milk Baby.” Prepare for your mind to be blown, either minimally or maximally, depending on your personal parenting philosophy. It teaches your [...]
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The Ways a Toy Can Suck for a Parent
Now that most of us have made it through the gift-giving bonanza of the holidays, you might be saying to us, “Gee thanks! You could’ve posted this BEFORE my holiday shoppageddon!” To which our reply would be, “Hey! We were busy buying toys for our kids that we’d regret or suffer through, too!!!” Plus, even [...]
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New Hazard Signs for Parents
Anything in life is dangerous. Parenting is no exception, in fact, it’s more like a lens that magnifies danger by a factor of a bazillion. For those of you not familiar with the numeric value of a “bazillion,” just know that it’s about three quarters of a double infinity. Don’t worry! We’re not trying to [...]
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