How to Be a Dad

How to Be a Dad

Toys

Teddy Bear – Scrabble Scribble #5

Posted by on March 14th, 2014, under SNAPSHOTS

  It took a simple doozy from my four-year-old the other day to point out that I’ve fully operated under the belief that teddy bears are always dudes for as long as I can remember. I suppose that all stuffed animals are male unless they’ve got a bow, long eyelashes or syrupy shapes embroidered all […]

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My Kid Just DUHed… #31

Posted by on November 1st, 2013, under "MY KID JUST SAID..."

“I wost my toy.” Me: Oh where’d you lose it? “Uhhhh. I can’t teww you dat… because I wost it.” -Lucas (2013, 4 years old)  I just got thoroughly schooled in some duh logic by my little lad. As per usual. They’re great; little kids. Like a miniature version of Captain Obvious. DUH!* * I […]

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Teddy Bear Surgery

Posted by on August 30th, 2013, under EXTERNAL USE ONLY

So little is presently understood about the anatomy and physiology of stuffed animals. Advances in the subject have for a very long time been stifled by the social sigma placed on anyone who dissects toys or stuffed animals; branding them as “emotionally unstable” or “weird.” Thankfully, progress is now being made. Let’s have an amazing […]

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Parent Sex Pro Tip: Toys

Posted by on April 24th, 2013, under SNAPSHOTS

There’s good advice and there’s bad advice. And then there’s advice that’s so weird and confusing, you don’t know which one it is. One thing that’s certain is that sex deprivation, the lame prize in the cereal box of parenthood, can often make even the worst advice seem plausible. Or something. Maybe. – Follow us […]

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Live Action Toy Story is AMAZING

Posted by on January 14th, 2013, under EXTERNAL USE ONLY

Sometimes, you find things in the least of likely places… I was looking for a quote from Toy Story on Saturday night. I wanted a video clip of it so I could reply with a 2013 sensibility, you know, using video clips instead of actually talking or typing written words or. Maybe it’s a guy […]

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My Kid Just Said… #14

Posted by on December 27th, 2012, under "MY KID JUST SAID..."

[Christmas morning] “Whu’s dat? A pwesent? Fo MEEE??? Whu’s in it?” [1 minute later] “I can’t open da wapping. It keeps wipping. Oh WOOK! TWAINS!!!” [.0001 seconds later] “I wead da ‘stwuctions and you buiwd it, okay, Daddy?” [100 minutes or so later] “It’s not wook wight, Daddy. Hewe ya go. You can have da […]

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A Holiday Message from the Dads

Posted by on September 3rd, 2012, under EXTERNAL USE ONLY

To those of you who labor and never stop, And those who’ve labored for hours just to see a life drop. To those who always put food on the table, and those who don’t have a table to eat on. Happy Labor Day We know that sometimes you work hard to deliver toys when it’s […]

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How to Commit the Perfect Toy Murder

Posted by on May 22nd, 2012, under INSTRUCTIONAL DIAGRAMS

  [ click the image to enlarge ] Oh how they sing. Oh how they dance. You gave it as a gift, not knowing any better. Or someone else gave it to your kid, not knowing that it could ultimately make you want to stab pens in your ears or kill yourself. But whatever you […]

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Toys Make You a Singing Psycho

Posted by on May 3rd, 2012, under NOTEBOOK

♫ The wheels on the bus go round and round, round and round, round and round! The wheels on the bus go round and round, aaaaall throoough the toooown! ♫ I think this is the song my wife will be muttering quietly, over and over to herself when they discover her, smoking gun in hand, […]

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The Breast Milk Baby Doll (NSFW?)

Posted by on April 19th, 2012, under EXTERNAL USE ONLY

I love breastfeeding. I mean, not personally, but you know what I mean. Because I haven’t ever lactated or whatever. Personally. Anyway, the other day I found this kids’ doll called “The Breast Milk Baby.” Prepare for your mind to be blown, either minimally or maximally, depending on your personal parenting philosophy. It teaches your […]

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Comments: 53