How to Be a Dad

How to Be a Dad

Poop

Parenterms: “Poouquet”

Posted by on October 30th, 2014, under SNAPSHOTS

Like finely crafted wine, you can tell a lot by the fragrances of things, though in this case, a really groady cheese might be a more fitting analogy. Normally a wine’s bouquet refers not just to the first nostril impression of a particular grown-up grape juice, it also refers to the scent (or stank) it […]

VIEW POST
Comments: 2

Diaper Change Threat Condition & Awareness Chart

Posted by on January 17th, 2014, under INSTRUCTIONAL DIAGRAMS

  Some consider that one of the top rules of good parenting is preparedness. But those people are either crazy or selling something, don’t listen to them. You’re going to do a lot better as a parent if you do so from a solid foundation of reality. When it comes to the reality of your […]

VIEW POST
Comments: 9

Wiping the Slate Clean

Posted by on December 4th, 2013, under NOTEBOOK

When you become a parent, there are certain things you anticipate and others that even Dr. Seuss couldn’t have even begun to imagine. You look forward to holding your baby and hearing their voice. You wonder about the foods they might prefer or which Star Wars character they’ll identify with most. Fantasize about how they […]

VIEW POST
Comments: 6

My Kid Just Said… #32

Posted by on November 7th, 2013, under "MY KID JUST SAID..."

“Hey Dada! You want me to dwaw you a pictuwe of poop??” CUE HIS CRAZY LAUGHTER FOR 15 MINUTES. My son is a Poop Picasso. – Previous My Kid Just Said Kids are smarter than adults. Period. My Kid Just Said Facebook Page This is where YOU can post YOUR kid’s quotes. Go for it! 

VIEW POST
Comments: 6

The History of Wiping (Illustrated, but not FULLY)

Posted by on October 16th, 2013, under INSTRUCTIONAL DIAGRAMS

Disclosure: This post is brought to you by the masters of personal cleansing comfort, Cottonelle. To see how Cottonelle Toilet Paper and Cottonelle Flushable Cleansing Cloths can practically change the destiny of your bum, click here.   By the time we begin to have kids, we’ve been pretty thoroughly acquainted with the act of “tidying […]

VIEW POST
Comments: 48

Don’t Be Fooled: Girls DON’T Poop!

Posted by on September 23rd, 2013, under EXTERNAL USE ONLY

There’s this rumor that keeps hanging around these days that’s as stubborn as the worst toilet skid or unflushable floater. There’s all this crazy talk about women, get this, POOPING! Ha ha! Priceless! I bet Santa Claus and the Tooth Fairy are riding unicorns as they laugh their asses off at this. EXCEPT FOR THE […]

VIEW POST
Comments: 7

Kid Definishons: “Poobles”

Posted by on August 8th, 2013, under SNAPSHOTS

When you hear the word “poo” in association with your kid being in the bathtub, you just kind of tense up and slowly peer over the edge to scan for the surprise of a floating “tub toy” that wasn’t there before. Luckily, it was just an underwater bathtub fart, and the little mer-kid is only […]

VIEW POST
Comments: 7

The 3 Ps of Parenting

Posted by on December 4th, 2012, under INSTRUCTIONAL DIAGRAMS

Nothing can prepare you. Nothing! Just like war, no matter what you read or watch, or how many in-the-trenches stories you hear from gray-faced veteran parents, nothing—NOTHING!!!—can prepare you for the amount of pee, puke and poop that will be unleashed upon you once your baby arrives. The 3 Ps of Parenting. Mothers may even […]

VIEW POST
Comments: 46

My Kid Just Said… #11

Posted by on October 18th, 2012, under "MY KID JUST SAID..."

[hands behind back ] “I do NOT hab poop on my fingews.” -Lucas (2012, 3 years old)  “Whuchoo got behind your back there?” (sniff) “Uhhh… What’s that smell?” There are some lies you hear that instantly tell you the truth. When someone says they don’t mean to sound a certain way or offend, you know […]

VIEW POST
Comments: 15

My Wife Just Said… #77

Posted by on September 17th, 2012, under "MY WIFE JUST SAID..."

“Soooooo, I’m slightly freaking out… Why? Because Lucas just ate POOP!!! Well, no he didn’t EAT it – like a chunk of it – but he had his hands jammed in his mouth and I found poo all over them.” -Elizabeth   – Previous “My Wife Just Said…” 

VIEW POST
Comments: 30