How to Be a Dad

Breastfeeding: Suck It

Posted by charlie on January 26th, 2012, under SNAPSHOTS

There has been a lot of controversy around breastfeeding lately.

Retail stores have told people they couldn’t do it within their walls. Formula companies implied that formula was a better route. It’s like breastfeeding is being silently marketed as obscene or something.

With all the swirling hatred on the topic, I thought my son and I should share our thoughts…

For those who have trouble producing milk or choose not to breastfeed, this isn’t directed at you. This is for the idiots who have a “problem” with breastfeeding and get all bent out of shape about something that women have been doing for eons.

I thought this photo of my wife and son would be most appropriate for you ridiculous few. Enjoy.

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The Origin of Life is Ugliness

Posted by charlie on January 6th, 2012, under SNAPSHOTS

[ click the image to enlarge ]

Just kidding. Eggs aren’t gross. I suppose most stuff at the microscopic level looks that way.

But I can’t help see this and think that half of life’s building blocks looks like a complicated, intricate weave of molecular material. And my half of the conception equation is just a frigging torpedo with a strange propellor sprinting in a death race.

I wonder if nature built us a little metaphor there: women hold, in a sacred, semi-penetrable ball, the origin of human life and men are meant to drill into it.

I need some more sleep, don’t I? Never happen.

Love and Rockets,

Charlie

Philosopher for Hire

Dude Time

Posted by Andy on January 2nd, 2012, under SNAPSHOTS

There’s something undeniably special about it. The kind of “special” that anyone looks at, whether they have kids or not, and says to themselves, “Ohmygod! THAT is special, right there. Wow! Right!?!” Yes. Dude time.

In this crazy world with its breakneck pace, the time you get to just sit back, relax and hang out with your kid (dude or dudette) is precious. It’s a good candidate for parents’ new year resolutions lists, to decide to take more time as a parent to “stop and smell the roses,” even if they smell like beer and baby powder. Maybe especially if they smell like that, whatever the smells are in your case.

It doesn’t matter if it’s a game, or who’s winning or losing. Or if it’s SpongeBob, and who’s winning or losing. Or a tandem-snooze on a hammock in the back yard. Or cutting ice blocks out in Norway together for a World’s Strongest Man competition. It simply doesn’t matter which form Dude Time takes, as long it takes some kind of shape. And then we’re talking about something that you and your little one are probably going to remember for the rest of your lives. And I think that qualifies as being pretty crazy rad.

Happy New Year, everyone! It’s yours. And it’s your kids’. Together. Enjoy!

-Andy

Shifty Santa

Posted by charlie on December 22nd, 2011, under SNAPSHOTS

I’m sure at the time this photo of me was “cute” and “adorable” and “heart-warming.” But looking at it today, I see something else…

Maybe I’m interpreting it with my 2011 cynicism?

But, the more I look, the more photos of my son below further evidence the shadiness of the goings-on above. Look how sweet and platonic the Santas are with my son in the three photos. Notice the regulation glasses. The calm, if ambivalent demeanor. The legit beards.

When I look at that photo of me all is see is pedo-glasses, a fake stank-beard and a fierce desire to drink “spiked eggnog.” North Pole? More like the corner of North 20th Avenue, leaning against a pole on probation for B & E.

Good thing I had a giant can of mace in my pocket and a black belt in punching bowls full of jelly. I may have to teach my son the skill that every kid should be familiar with by the time they can walk: the testicle kicksplosion.

Happy Holidays everyone,

Charlie