Kids and Koalas
You had a baby. Yay! You should realize that kids tend to grow up and get “less cute” to “outright ugly” from time to time. At first, the little one can turn your heart into something similar to what a microwave can turn a stick of butter into in 13.3 seconds. This may be by [...]
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Unicorn Poop or How I Fell in Love with the Daughter I Never Had
I’m not much of a “Guy” or “Man” in the senses used in the advice given in the movie Say Anything: “Don’t be a guy, be a man.” Whichever stereotype coloring book you’re using, most of my colors wind up outside the lines. But I do have a penis and three boys to prove it, [...]
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How to Raise a Hobbit
I’ve written this brief How-To guide for my fellow fanatics, who have or plan to have kids, to raise their human children as hobbits. Why, you ask? I loved The Hobbit before I even read it. It was like I was born under the enchantment of its magical spell. Reading it in my teens only [...]
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The Infinite Loop of Kids
When your ass starts twitching, it’s usually due to the ignored impulse of your body telling you that it wants to run away (screaming optional). Fixed smiles and mechanical bobs of the head are often our last resort in being encouraging parents. Let me explain. Kid repetition > Parent patience A joke told fifty [...]
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Don’t Bring Dirty Looks to a Machete Fight
How many looks of disgust or ohmahgosh rolls of the eyes do you think this mom gets breastfeeding in public? Bingo! Not many. At least not from people with a full set of arms in their collection. You could argue that it’s because she’s a part of a primitive society and that they’re all simply [...]
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The Anatomy of Make Believe (Illustrated)
Ah, the crazy, goofy things we come up with to entertain our offspring and ourselves! They’re wonderful, but when you actually think about almost any nursery rhyme, you want to tilt your head and let out a slow, “Huuuuhhhh?” And adding hand or foot make-believe play, even though it can be delightful, doesn’t make them [...]
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Thank you public toilet designer…
Dear public toilet designer, Thank you for developing a toilet that, when flushed, instantly sounds like a jet breaking the sound barrier. Thank you for adding a year to potty training. Thank you for scaring a year off my kid’s life. Thank you for teaching my kid that all of my reassurances that “it’s safe” [...]
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How Kids Defend Against Loud Sounds
Fire engine sirens, jackhammers, alarms, elevator musak, oh my! It doesn’t matter what it is. Loud or awful sounds can freak a kid out. And every kid has their various ways of responding and even defending against these things. Here’s Lucas (3yo) holding up his toy tool box, demonstrating the Arm Muff technique as a [...]
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Judging a Book by its Cover
Sometimes you experience moments of pride in your kids. Sometimes those moments keep going, take a sudden turn, burst through a guardrail and soar off a cliff. So… My sons and I were boys-night-outting it on a bit of a blind date with a recommended restaurant. Our chuckling conversation kind of skidded out when we [...]
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A Teenager’s Bucket List
This is completely true and unaltered and unbelievable. And yet, totally believable. One day a friend of mine went insane and decided to clean up the apocalypse of his fourteen-year-old boy’s room. Amid all the aftermath, he discovered something amazing. And since he’s the type of guy who covers this his son’s toilet bowl opening [...]
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