How to Be a Dad

How to Be a Dad

Ninja Parent Lessons

10 Ancient Parenting Tips from Ninjas

Posted by on October 29th, 2015, under INSTRUCTIONAL DIAGRAMS

People are always looking online or reading books to gain greater wisdom, or even just a single solitary friggin’ clue. This seems especially true for parents, who often feel massively overdrawn on their clue accounts. Fortunately, we can borrow from the past and learn from ancient masters of disciplined study and training, from the secret […]

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Ninja Parent Lessons: The Drunken Cobra

Posted by on January 14th, 2015, under INSTRUCTIONAL DIAGRAMS

A baby can be like a drunken cobra, that is they would be, if snakes had a habit of irresponsibly drinking way too much sake and then going on a rampage. A baby’s finger and toe nails are sharper than samurai swords, and their coordination and aim? Worse than a government’s. Wobbly and unpredictable, an […]

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Going to the Bathroom Like a Ninja

Posted by on June 10th, 2014, under INSTRUCTIONAL DIAGRAMS

Going to the bathroom with a youngling is never the wisest decision, but the functions of your body and the circumstances of life are just as much never concerned with things like wisdom or decision. Especially after you drink several pots of tea or coffee. So, the cruel fates of parenthood may place you in […]

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Ninja Parent Lessons: The Foot Python

Posted by on October 29th, 2013, under INSTRUCTIONAL DIAGRAMS

Suiting up your little one is a tough challenge, even for ninjas. Especially socks. Those legs are tiny, but they’re fast and don’t like to stay still for lengths of time greater than it takes to blink. This cannot be avoided, so you must be clever and fast. As the ancient proverb says: the wise […]

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Ninja Parent Lessons: Tickle Attacks, Part 3 (Advanced)

Posted by on April 10th, 2013, under INSTRUCTIONAL DIAGRAMS

I want you to know that I risk my life sharing this shadowy Eastern warrior wisdom with you. Not just because I’m continuously risking assassination from ninjas seeking silent but deadly (not that kind) revenge for broadcasting their proprietary trade secrets, but also because I can be life-threateningly ticklish myself. The next shave I get […]

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Ninja Parent Lessons: Tickle Attacks, Part 2

Posted by on September 20th, 2012, under INSTRUCTIONAL DIAGRAMS

We tell ourselves and others that we don’t want to coerce our kids. Once we get past that whole “not wanting to sound like a bad parent” thing we admit it. At some point, we do want to. Not forcefully or traumatically. We just want it to stop! Or start! Look. When a mom or […]

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Ninja Parent Lessons: Tickle Attacks, Part 1

Posted by on August 8th, 2012, under INSTRUCTIONAL DIAGRAMS

There are a ton of simple, everyday things we just have to pick up on our own. Learning by trial and error or mimicking someone else can be tricky. And result in us doing really stupid things. Even with tickling. For parents of ticklish kids, the act of tickling can be a laughter-filled method of […]

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Ninja Parent Lessons: The Pillow Paw

Posted by on June 6th, 2012, under INSTRUCTIONAL DIAGRAMS

The average height of a table is 26″-30″ and counters are around 36″. They all have corners and edges that kids’ heads are somehow magnetically drawn to when they’re passing through this height range. As a parent it’s your duty to protect your child. So obviously that includes making sure they don’t bash in their […]

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Ninja Parent Lessons: The Scissor Kiss

Posted by on April 4th, 2012, under INSTRUCTIONAL DIAGRAMS

Ninjas have long known that the skill of being able to kill someone with one arm tied behind their back was a worthy achievement. For parents, this level of skill can become useful in the task of keeping someone ALIVE with an arm tied behind your back. Most people don’t realize that the ancient art […]

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Ninja Parent Lessons: The Ankle Claw

Posted by on March 8th, 2012, under INSTRUCTIONAL DIAGRAMS

“Huh?” you say? Yes, that is indeed a wise question. I will explain. If you wished to become good at something—great at something—like parenting, wouldn’t you want to know what a ninja had to say about it? They weren’t just born ninjas! They became masters of disciplined study and training long before they even got […]

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