How to Be a Dad

How to Be a Dad


Going to the Bathroom Like a Ninja

Posted by on June 10th, 2014, under INSTRUCTIONAL DIAGRAMS

Going to the bathroom with a youngling is never the wisest decision, but the functions of your body and the circumstances of life are just as much never concerned with things like wisdom or decision. Especially after you drink several pots of tea or coffee. So, the cruel fates of parenthood may place you in […]

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Bruce Lee, On Parenting

Posted by on April 11th, 2014, under NOTEBOOK

  People think that Bruce Lee’s famous “Be like water” quote was his philosophical view on fighting an opponent. Think again! I propose that he was actually talking about being a parent! Ah HA! Okay, so maybe your mind isn’t blown by this revelation, but it’s got to at least be making funny clanking noises, […]

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3-Year-Old Ninja Caught on Video

Posted by on March 18th, 2014, under EXTERNAL USE ONLY

When I was about ten, I created a home-made pair of nunchucks. I sawed a broomstick into two short kid-ninja-sized handles and then, using screws, attached them together with a short chain. After about five minutes of practicing, I was certain that the authentic Japanese word nunchaku must have been defined as “self-inflicted head trauma.” […]

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Defense Against Misinformed Parenting Advice

Posted by on January 3rd, 2014, under NOTEBOOK

  When you’re learning to navigate the turbulent waters of new parenthood, you’ll undoubtedly encounter a lot of folks offering what they think are time-tested words of wisdom. Sure, these (usually childless) people mean well, but when caring for your first newborn, these bits of advice often do nothing more than exacerbate your already tense […]

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Ninja Parent Lessons: The Foot Python

Posted by on October 29th, 2013, under INSTRUCTIONAL DIAGRAMS

Suiting up your little one is a tough challenge, even for ninjas. Especially socks. Those legs are tiny, but they’re fast and don’t like to stay still for lengths of time greater than it takes to blink. This cannot be avoided, so you must be clever and fast. As the ancient proverb says: the wise […]

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Ninja Parent Lessons: Tickle Attacks, Part 3 (Advanced)

Posted by on April 10th, 2013, under INSTRUCTIONAL DIAGRAMS

I want you to know that I risk my life sharing this shadowy Eastern warrior wisdom with you. Not just because I’m continuously risking assassination from ninjas seeking silent but deadly (not that kind) revenge for broadcasting their proprietary trade secrets, but also because I can be life-threateningly ticklish myself. The next shave I get […]

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Stuffed Animal Assassin, Dragon Baby

Posted by on November 9th, 2012, under EXTERNAL USE ONLY

Sometimes… when parents gaze lovingly at their child, they see themselves, a perfect combination of two separate people in one, giggling forward into the future for them. Other times… they see an ex-assassin seeking revenge, one-by-one, on the group of killer stuffed animals that betrayed… Erm… Okay. Maybe that never happens. UNTIL NOW! I bow […]

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My Wife Just Said… #78

Posted by on September 23rd, 2012, under "MY WIFE JUST SAID..."

“So, that means when you were playing with Ninja Turtles, I was losing my virginity!” -Avara   This is something that has come up a few times in our relationship, but since it was discussed in the Chicago Tribune, it probably bears repeating. Couple of kids and an old guy. – Previous “My Wife Just […]

Comments: 10

Ninja Parent Lessons: Tickle Attacks, Part 2

Posted by on September 20th, 2012, under INSTRUCTIONAL DIAGRAMS

We tell ourselves and others that we don’t want to coerce our kids. Once we get past that whole “not wanting to sound like a bad parent” thing we admit it. At some point, we do want to. Not forcefully or traumatically. We just want it to stop! Or start! Look. When a mom or […]

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Ninja Parent Lessons: Tickle Attacks, Part 1

Posted by on August 8th, 2012, under INSTRUCTIONAL DIAGRAMS

There are a ton of simple, everyday things we just have to pick up on our own. Learning by trial and error or mimicking someone else can be tricky. And result in us doing really stupid things. Even with tickling. For parents of ticklish kids, the act of tickling can be a laughter-filled method of […]

Comments: 33