Manners that Don’t Suck
I’m going to sound like a pissed off old man. And I’m good with that. Bad manners are rampant. The way I see things going, manners these days are like harsh meanness and disinterested oblivion had a baby, and then that baby was handed a case of Red Bull and a shotgun. Hey, look! Our […]
Homemade Birthday Cards 2004: Max’s 4th / Cody’s 6th
Cody’s Sixth Birthday: 2004 Max’s Third Birthday: 2004 To recap: I make birthday cards for each year my boys. Lucas (2), Max (11), Cody (13). As they got older, I started designing them around what seemed to rock their socks off. I was thrilled the year Cody turned 6 and Max 4 and they were […]
Giving Yourself the Death Penalty
Kids are easy to hurt. Plain and simple. They’re little and tend to be uncoordinated, and compared to them we’re BIG and… tend to be uncoordinated. Look, we don’t even spank the boys in our house, so this isn’t some child abuser’s psychotic attempt at an excuse for going postal on one’s offspring. I’m talking […]
The Steps to Manhood
Various cultures have different marks of “becoming a man.” Sprouting chest hair, tearing a bottle cap off with your teeth, “knowing” a woman, wrestling a croc, to name a few. However, I noticed that there didn’t seem to be a lot of broad attention from most men on the more subtle steps that lead up […]
Chocolate-Chipless Chocolate Chip Cookies Recipe
Cooking with your kids is fun. Baking is funner. Why? Because it’s all the fun of cooking without the stress of hot pans, flame and sharp blades near or in the hands of your children. FYI, burns and open wounds can seriously blunt the enjoyment of good family times and the satisfaction of a teaching […]
The Legend of The Guy
This isn’t just a story about family fun and injury at a maximum-security roller skating rink. This transcends mere storytelling. It is a timeless tale, one where we simply served as honored witnesses to a legend. The Guy. The Fortress of Roller Skating When Max and Cody and I pulled up to the brick […]
Go, Team Weird, Go!
I love being weird. And I love how weird my family is. I love my wife snatching my hand while I’m driving to use my finger as a microphone while lip-syncing to Barbra Streisand. Or when she says to me “Chocky wocky ‘n’ pom pom?” The fact that I know exactly what she means makes […]
Homemade Birthday Cards 2003: Max’s 3rd / Cody’s 5th
Max’s Third and Cody’s Fifth Birthday: 2003 I know what you’re all thinking. And you’re right. There is no spoon. Oh, that’s not what you were thinking? Maybe you were thinking, “WTF? Andy, you let your 5- and 3-year-old watch the Matrix movies!?!” No. But they were so taken by the previews, and because […]
Boogers. That’s right. Boogers.
Sugar free? Fat free? Packed with protein? Move over, bananas. Nature’s got a new perfect food! It seems like every kid is just wired from birth to pick their boogers and eat them. C’mon. At least once! But probably about a hundred times more than once. The fact that we adults have “all done it,” […]
Homemade Birthday Cards 2002: Max’s 2nd / Cody’s 4th
Round two of the crazy, custom birthday card saga. I had hoped the Force was strong with these ones when I presented them to Cody and Max, but I never would have imagined the amazing reaction I got. After their delighted recognition of themselves, they actually couldn’t understand it, they were puzzled at how they […]
