How to Be a Dad

How to Be a Dad

Marriage

My Wife Just Texted… #175

Posted by on August 26th, 2014, under "MY WIFE JUST SAID..."

My wife is so considerate. She’s always so polite and dainty like a Victorian lady twirling a parasol. Unless she happens to be wrestling a particularly stubborn pickle jar or battery compartment, then she’s more like a sailor-mouthed ex-con with anger management issues. But mostly it’s pinkies out and poots in private. Too cute. Regarding […]

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My Wife just Said… #171

Posted by on July 29th, 2014, under "MY WIFE JUST SAID..."

“Okay. Honey! The toilet and I just became best friends. Let’s take it easy on the romance.” -Elizabeth   The flower of romance can bloom suddenly in the rays of spontaneity. Or it can hit a very firmly closed bathroom door. There’s a time and place for everything, and sometimes “the mood” needs to take […]

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My Wife Just Texted??? #165

Posted by on June 16th, 2014, under "MY WIFE JUST SAID..."

There are the occasional times when we leave our phones unattended and unlocked. I’m not referring to myself here, since people have joked that my iPhone and earbuds are part of my body’s anatomy, but for other people it happens from time to time. Of those times, mischievous people sometimes get a hold of them. […]

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A Decade

Posted by on April 4th, 2014, under NOTEBOOK

Ten years ago, I eloped with a girl who honestly should’ve known better. Through all of my hardships and successes, my insanity and creativity — she stuck with me. Thank you for your unequaled support and love, Avara. I’m better for having known you. Love, Dingle AKA Doodle AKA Shmoop AKA Skiddy AKA Doo AKA […]

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My Kid Just Said… #40

Posted by on March 12th, 2014, under "MY KID JUST SAID..."

“Soooo… how was the wedding?” [confused looks] “…Yours and Mommy’s.” -Lucas (2013, 4.5 years old)   It just sort of took us by surprise because it came completely out of nowhere. We both riffled through our crappy parent memories for what wedding he could be talking about. Once he clarified, we both shared a long, […]

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Notice Anything Different, Honey?

Posted by on February 18th, 2014, under NOTEBOOK

Hands on buzzers, people. What’s the exciting play-at-home game show of observation, memory and panic most couples have played, where one person is the unwitting contestant (or defendant) and the other person is host (or prosecutor) as well as being the game show board itself? It’s called Notice Anything Different, Honey? Let me explain. One […]

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My Wife Just Texted… #147

Posted by on February 10th, 2014, under "MY WIFE JUST SAID..."

Sometimes emoticons fail to convey the right message at first; even the more graphical, fancy-schmancy emojis can get lost in trans-emoticons-lation. When it comes down to it though, some fails are so hilarious they’re wins. I can’t judge, though. I’ve never hearted the internet age-old convention of <3 because it always looked like a sideways […]

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5 Reasons Your Wife Hates You

Posted by on February 7th, 2014, under NOTEBOOK

Marriages can be tough. Heck, working together with human beings in any capacity can be rough business, but in this case you’re jumping into the foxhole with someone who splits electricity bills with you and sees your junk constantly. Or less constantly, depending on your foxhole schedules. I’ve been with my partner in crime for […]

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Nude Tax Advice

Posted by on February 6th, 2014, under NOTEBOOK

Like two children squirming in front of the principal, my wife and I sat beside each other in front of our accountant’s slab of a desk. Going over all our papers for filing, he gave us some really good news about a specific point. We looked at each other and chuckled with relief, and I […]

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Parenterms: “Sprintercourse”

Posted by on November 8th, 2013, under SNAPSHOTS

Tick tock, tick tock. The clock is ticking for parents. Always. For something. Everything. Raising kids is a game show that starts with “hurry up” music playing, and it never stops. When it comes to making time to make some love, it’s so often the expendable scene that winds up on the editing room floor […]

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