My Kid Just Said… #24
“Thomas da Twain has a penis!” -Lucas (2013, 3.5 years old) Mommies have a not-penis (aka bajina). Daddies have a penis (aka a not-jina). And twains ::ehem:: trains apparently do, too? Listening to a young child explain who’s got what or who doesn’t is pretty much the best reality TV show that will never and [...]
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My Kid Just Said… #23
“I want to be a fiweman. So I can wescue people.” -Lucas (2013, 3.5 years old) Sometimes my kids say things to me that are so moving to me that I catch myself, the look I’m wearing on my face. Because sometimes the aftermath of a heart-microwaving statement or moment is me sitting there, still, [...]
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My Kid Just Sniffed… #19
“Daddy’s stinky!” [I change my shirt] “S’okay now. I can’t smeww da stinky anymoh.” “But… when it goes away, it comes back.” -Lucas (2013, 3.5 years old) Personal hygiene can experience a “low” when people become parents. Low like The Great Depression. All the hustle and bustle… ::sigh:: At least that’s what I’m blaming it [...]
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The Generosity of Kids Is… Overwhelming
You pour soooooo much into your kids. I don’t mean food, but yeah, there is that. I mean your love, your sleep, your energy (what there is left of it), your sweat, your tears. As if by instinct, you don’t really do so with any expectation of anything in return. That isn’t to say that [...]
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I Turn My Head for Just One Week
I’ll never forgive myself. Or the Universe. I was gone for a week. Just one week! I’m in his room playing and he just said “those” instead of “dozes.” One Day Earlier Lugging my bags to the curb, I met my family with a mountain range of a smile set against the gray sky of [...]
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My Kid Just Said… #18
“NO, DADDY! You NOT take a picture of me aaaaaany more!” -Lucas (2013, 3.5 years old) There is camera shyness, and then there’s ohpleasestopit-ness about being photographed or videoed. Some of us can really can be obnoxious Mama- and Papa-razzi with our kids. I’m not saying there’s anything wrong with occasionally staging things so a [...]
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My Kid Just Said… #16
“If I twist my penis, I can fwy up in da sky.” -Lucas (3 years old) Get to da choppah? My first response to this statement was… a lot of silence, followed by a lot of hrghnck (the strangled sound of poorly-restrained uncontrollable laughter). I was reminded of bits in cartoons where characters used their [...]
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My Kid Just Said… #14
[Christmas morning] “Whu’s dat? A pwesent? Fo MEEE??? Whu’s in it?” [1 minute later] “I can’t open da wapping. It keeps wipping. Oh WOOK! TWAINS!!!” [.0001 seconds later] “I wead da ‘stwuctions and you buiwd it, okay, Daddy?” [100 minutes or so later] “It’s not wook wight, Daddy. Hewe ya go. You can have da [...]
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My Kid Just Interrupted… #13
[Talking at dinner, our 3yo interrupts] Lucas: “Mouskerdee MOUSKERDOOOOOO!!!” Lizzie: “Lucas, we’re talki—” Lucas: “Wus DAT!?!” Me: “It’s turkey, man. C’mon, we’re talkin—” Lucas: “I do NOT wike it!” Lizzie: “Yes, it’s a different kind, but it’s still turk—” Lucas: “I pooping in my underwear.” Lizzie: “Come here, let me check.” [She pulls open his [...]
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He never let go of my thumb…
The Noobie He’s only three years old. He’d never been trick-or-treating. So, it was excusable that Lucas was supremely deficient in the Clue Department when it came to Halloween. When I asked him what he was going to be, he put on his low, gruff serious voice and laughed, saying, “Ho ho nooooo, Daddy!” as [...]
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