Tissues & Tampons
My entire family just went down with the flu at the same time. It was like a horror movie, one by one we fell. My wife was the last one standing. For a while, she even deluded herself that this would be one of those movies where one character gets out alive, to reflect on [...]
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My Wife Just Said… #93
“Ohmygah… [cough] my fever’s so bad… feels like my boobs are hardboiled.” -Elizabeth Mmm. Flu season was never this sexy. Or something. – Previous “My Wife Just Said…”
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My Wife Just Said… #91
“I did one of those purchases. Where it turns out it’s the wrong thing but I just can’t bring myself to tell them so I buy it anyway. So yeah. It was a Christmas album. And yeah, I’ll be returning it later.” -Elizabeth – Previous “My Wife Just Said…”
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The Age Guessing Wheel of Misfortune
Generally speaking, women don’t tend to be hardcore fans of the word “old,” or even “older.” So, to play it safe, I’ll avoid using the words at all here. Also, my wife reads my posts and to be honest I hate being responsible for making her cry. I’m also pretty partial to my testicles remaining [...]
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My Wife Just Said… #89
“Oh! Quickscratchmyback! Left! Down! No UP! THERE!!! YES!!! Kill! Torture! Mame! Destroy! Ahhhhhhhhhh. Thanks.” -Elizabeth – Previous “My Wife Just Said…”
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My Wife Just Said… #87
“I’ve never bobbed for apples. All for the best… I’d probably drown.” -Elizabeth – Previous “My Wife Just Said…”
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My Kid Just Interrupted… #13
[Talking at dinner, our 3yo interrupts] Lucas: “Mouskerdee MOUSKERDOOOOOO!!!” Lizzie: “Lucas, we’re talki—” Lucas: “Wus DAT!?!” Me: “It’s turkey, man. C’mon, we’re talkin—” Lucas: “I do NOT wike it!” Lizzie: “Yes, it’s a different kind, but it’s still turk—” Lucas: “I pooping in my underwear.” Lizzie: “Come here, let me check.” [She pulls open his [...]
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My Wife Just Said… #85
“Shhhhhhh! No no. I’m trying to eavesdrop on the next table’s conversation.” -Elizabeth – Previous “My Wife Just Said…”
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My Wife Just Said… #83
“I know I’m not right all the time. But sometimes I am. Like 90% of the time.” -Elizabeth – Previous “My Wife Just Said…”
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My Wife Just Said… #81
“You know there’s a problem when your son, who is a toddler, is telling you to calm down.” -Elizabeth – Previous “My Wife Just Said…”
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