How to Be a Dad

How to Be a Dad

Lizzie

My Wife Just Texted… #247

Posted by on January 11th, 2016, under "MY WIFE JUST SAID..."

She was watching Jimmy Fallon clips on YouTube one night, and immediately texted me about deforesting my face. I won’t call my wife a germophobe… because she’ll probably read this, so let’s just say she’s… incredibly hygiene-friendly. So, her horrified reaction at seeing something about poop-infused facial hair was no shocker. I promised her I […]

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My Wife Just Said… #245

Posted by on December 28th, 2015, under "MY WIFE JUST SAID..."

[Whispering] “I’m so sorry. He said he reeeeeally wanted Monopoly.” –Elizabeth   She said this after he tore off the wrapping paper and gasped with joy. I mouthed, “You owe me.” We both totally knew that I was the one who was going to be playing it with him. And by playing it with him, […]

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My Wife Just Said… #243

Posted by on December 14th, 2015, under "MY WIFE JUST SAID..."

My Wife: “Tell Han Solo I love him.” Me: “I know.” My Wife: “I hate you.” Me: “I know.”   You might not believe this. WE can’t fully believe it! My partner in crime, Charlie, and I are going to the RED CARPET WORLD PREMIERE OF Star Wars: The Force Awakens!!! AT around 5pm PST! […]

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My Wife Just Texted… #241

Posted by on November 30th, 2015, under "MY WIFE JUST SAID..."

  A lot of time we can’t see our own faces and just can’t feel a booger. Unfortunately, most bystanders don’t have the social bravery to walk up and let you know there’s a green troll hanging out at the entrance to one of your nose caves. Awkwaaaaaaard. Boogers are the “open pants zipper” of […]

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My Wife Just Texted… #239

Posted by on November 16th, 2015, under "MY WIFE JUST SAID..."

  They had one slot open for a trial lesson in the gymnastics class. Our 6yo was mildly interested when we explained what it was, that he could learn how to jump and flip and have fun. This was probably fairly meh for him since he could do that anytime, anywhere. I could see there […]

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My Wife Just Said… #237

Posted by on November 2nd, 2015, under "MY WIFE JUST SAID..."

“Can I put ‘peace and quiet’ on my Christmas wish list?” –Elizabeth “I’m going to get you ‘loudness’ as my present. Heeheeheeheehee!” –Our 6yo son   Halloween just passed by in a whirlwind, and Thanksgiving is looming on the horizon of a pair of pants that won’t fit anymore. As a kid, the end months […]

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My Wife Just Texted… #235

Posted by on October 23rd, 2015, under "MY WIFE JUST SAID..."

We didn’t use the garden hose with the high pressure nozel. And by that I mean, I’m not going to admit to such a thing in a public forum like this post. Kidding. Of course we didn’t fire-hose blast the fluffy, gross weirdo in the face, but man! KAK! We gave it some serious consideration. […]

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My Wife Just Self-Diagnosed… #233

Posted by on October 5th, 2015, under "MY WIFE JUST SAID..."

“My throat hurts soooooo bad… Maybe it’s cancer.” –Elizabeth   She wasn’t serious, of course. Everyone in the house has gone down with a nasty case of flu-bola. Despite her obvious discomfort, I had to laugh at how she went from 0 to WebMD in under a second. It reminded me of an amazing joke […]

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My Wife Just Said… #231

Posted by on September 21st, 2015, under "MY WIFE JUST SAID..."

“I don’t have the shopping done for dinner, so we’ve got two options: 1) we can go out to a restaurant, or 2) we can order delivery. But there’s no way I’m going out with my hair like this, so… what would you like to order for delivery?” –Elizabeth I love how seriously she takes […]

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My Wife Just Confessed… #229

Posted by on September 7th, 2015, under "MY WIFE JUST SAID..."

“Oh. I never watched Goonies.” –Elizabeth I just stood there for a moment. Waiting for her to laugh and punch me in the arm. But the laugh never came and the metaphorical punch was only an uppercut to my brain. A moment before my wife dropped this bomb, I’d made a One-Eyed Willy joke and […]

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