How to Be a Dad

How to Be a Dad

Lizzie

My Wife Just PMSed… #263

Posted by on May 2nd, 2016, under "MY WIFE JUST SAID..."

I won’t state my wife’s age because I respect her privacy and value my life. The number doesn’t really matter, though. At widely various ages, women go through hormone changes, on top of the monthly Molotov cocktail whipped up by menstruation. It’s Mother Nature’s pulse-revving, hot flashing “and now for my next trick…” in the […]

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My Wife Just Said… #261

Posted by on April 18th, 2016, under "MY WIFE JUST SAID..."

She was right. Our son was in his room “playing” with action figures on the dog. The poor fluffy pooch was sitting there patiently but looked up with “save me” eyes. I extracted him with a finger wag to my son. ​There’s an ability parents gain, deciphering the sounds and cries their babies and kids […]

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My Wife Just Called for Help… #259

Posted by on April 4th, 2016, under "MY WIFE JUST SAID..."

“HONEY! I need your help! … M-my bra is hooked onto my earring!” –Elizabeth   I ran into the room just as she was finishing the last sentence, and I actually tilted my head as I tried to figure out what I was seeing. She stood frozen in place with her arms up, her shirt […]

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My Wife Just Said… #257

Posted by on March 21st, 2016, under "MY WIFE JUST SAID..."

With so much to do as parents, some things filed in the “essential” category can get abruptly jammed into the “expendables” folder. We try to multitask, maximize and economize the crap-ton we have to do, AND get our kids to do. Sure, it’d be nice of parents didn’t have to have their kids put their […]

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My Wife Just Said… #255

Posted by on March 7th, 2016, under "MY WIFE JUST SAID..."

“You know the expression about ‘the two certainties in life: death and taxes’? When you have a kid, there are two more: dishes and laundry. Hmmmm… This could be a really long list.”   –Elizabeth   That list could get soooooooo long. The internet has a bunch of jokes about the failed promise of hoverboards […]

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My Wife Just Said… #253

Posted by on February 22nd, 2016, under "MY WIFE JUST SAID..."

“Why’re you sticking!!!”   Son: “What???”   “I was talking to the pan.”   Son: “But… but the pan is not alive.”   –Elizabeth & Our 6yo   It’s funny that he was calling her out for talking to her cooking equipment, because an hour earlier was having an energetic discussion with a stick. They […]

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My Wife Just Complained… #251

Posted by on February 8th, 2016, under "MY WIFE JUST SAID..."

“I have a high tolerance for pain, but a very low tolerance for discomfort.” –Elizabeth   Hang on. What? Not sure how her statement makes perfect sense to me, but it kinda does. Science, and people who push large melon-sized things out of their bodies, have long claimed that women tend to have a higher […]

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My Wife Just Texted… #247

Posted by on January 11th, 2016, under "MY WIFE JUST SAID..."

She was watching Jimmy Fallon clips on YouTube one night, and immediately texted me about deforesting my face. I won’t call my wife a germophobe… because she’ll probably read this, so let’s just say she’s… incredibly hygiene-friendly. So, her horrified reaction at seeing something about poop-infused facial hair was no shocker. I promised her I […]

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My Wife Just Said… #245

Posted by on December 28th, 2015, under "MY WIFE JUST SAID..."

[Whispering] “I’m so sorry. He said he reeeeeally wanted Monopoly.” –Elizabeth   She said this after he tore off the wrapping paper and gasped with joy. I mouthed, “You owe me.” We both totally knew that I was the one who was going to be playing it with him. And by playing it with him, […]

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My Wife Just Said… #243

Posted by on December 14th, 2015, under "MY WIFE JUST SAID..."

My Wife: “Tell Han Solo I love him.” Me: “I know.” My Wife: “I hate you.” Me: “I know.”   You might not believe this. WE can’t fully believe it! My partner in crime, Charlie, and I are going to the RED CARPET WORLD PREMIERE OF Star Wars: The Force Awakens!!! AT around 5pm PST! […]

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