How to Be a Dad

How to Be a Dad

Kids

The Ripeness of Kids Clothes Described Like Wines

Posted by on August 29th, 2019, under NOTEBOOK

Kids live life at Volume 11 but often have their hygiene on mute, so the stink they can whip up is truly breathtaking. As in, plug your nose and hold your breath kind of breathtaking. Like wines, kids seem to ferment with age. Except there’s nothing “fine” about their Cabernet Soverygross or Pee-yoo Noir. Their […]

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Cute-to-Nope Chart for Bugs

Posted by on May 23rd, 2019, under INSTRUCTIONAL DIAGRAMS

  I’ll admit that this isn’t necessarily “a little kid’s” chart, and that some of us adults still react to some bugs cartoonishly, levitating dramatically before sprinting away in a cloud of smoke, ready to set everything on fire. We all have to agree that some bugs are creepier than others, in our own opinions. […]

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Maybe We CAN Have Nice Things

Posted by on December 5th, 2018, under INSTRUCTIONAL DIAGRAMS

The things we parents do and the sacrifices we make for our kids are pretty countless. We give our lives to theirs, so their lives can be better than ours, or the best we can manage. Even if it means wearing underwear that’s older than they are. There’s a running joke about kids: “this is […]

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Preventing the Impossible: Kid Stains

Posted by on September 14th, 2018, under INSTRUCTIONAL DIAGRAMS

M’kay. So maaaaaybe these aren’t such good ideas. It’s always surprising, the sheer number of inevitable stains that happen in a family. However, this surprise can sort of pale in comparison to the shock of HOW some of them happen. The other day, I was walking from the couch to the TV with a glass […]

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Bad Product Ideas: Condiments Edition

Posted by on May 25th, 2018, under INSTRUCTIONAL DIAGRAMS, SNAPSHOTS

Is your kid cuckoo for ketchup? Could your kid chug ranch by the ladleful? Well then, you’re gonna love these bold new food offerings! Or um… your kid is probably going to. You’re more likely to experience something a little less lovey and a little more gaggy as a response.   Condimentsicles Sure, most of […]

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Couch Pillow Architecture

Posted by on May 17th, 2018, under "MY KID JUST SAID...", NOTEBOOK

WIFE: Go thank Daddy for making dinner. 8YO: No. I will go thank him for the couch fort instead. It is the best fort in human history. WIFE: Oh wow! Well thank him for dinner after that. I loved making couch forts when I was a kid. My mom and dad loved my job as […]

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Dad Illustrates the Nutty Things He’s Had to Say to His Kids

Posted by on January 11th, 2018, under SNAPSHOTS

All parents have had that moment where we say something, and the second it leaves our lips, we’re shocked by the utter strangeness of what we’ve just had to say. Sentences that we’re dead certain no human being has ever had to say in the entire history of human speech. When they’re babies, parents say […]

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35 Highly Awkward Drawings from Kids

Posted by on October 27th, 2017, under SNAPSHOTS

Pareidolia is the fancy word for when you see images in things – like a cloud shaped like a dragon or a face in the bark of a tree or a (ehem) something in some kid art. In kids’ drawings, sometimes you see some unintended, uh… images. Sure, they’re not all phallic. Mostly, but not […]

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The Symptoms of Bad Influence-itis

Posted by on September 22nd, 2017, under NOTEBOOK

I’ve joined forces with Responsibility.org as one of their paid ambassadors for their TalkEarly campaign, which is about, well… talking early about alcohol responsibility with your kids. Cheers!   Parents can make little furry loaves of fallen-out hair in the shower drain worrying about their kids getting sick. But, there’s another non-physical strain of contagion […]

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The Hairdresser Who Stole My Little Boy

Posted by on August 3rd, 2017, under NOTEBOOK

It had been a long while since my son had a haircut. It really wasn’t for any other reason than procrastination and the fact that he just didn’t give a single bother. His hair was swiftly approaching a Musketeer’s length, though, so we started trying to work a haircut into our busy summer schedule (and […]

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