How to Be a Dad

Parenting Performance Review (VIDEO)

Posted by charlie on February 21st, 2012, under VIDEOTAPE

I don’t know many parents that would be pleased to hear their kid(s) would like to have a meeting and go over their job performance…

…And that’s precisely why we made this video.

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We usually have enough guilt, as parents, to travel to the sun and back on our rocket boosters of regret. We can barely hear our grown kids say “I hate you” without our soul crumpling into a speck. Both Andy and I know we aren’t perfect parents with our respective families. It’s obvious, to me at least, that I do an okay job but I would never kid myself about being the ultimate dad. If there were contests or spelling bees to crown someone as a great dad, I’d lose out to some fanny pack-wearing mommy-dad. Hands down.

I’d like to be better. Maybe we should actually institute these employee reviews because let’s face it: we’re employees here and our employers are tough customers.

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Instructional Diagrams
We should probably read these over again, since we’re about to get fired as parents.
 

Breastfeeding: Suck It

Posted by charlie on January 26th, 2012, under SNAPSHOTS

There has been a lot of controversy around breastfeeding lately.

Retail stores have told people they couldn’t do it within their walls. Formula companies implied that formula was a better route. It’s like breastfeeding is being silently marketed as obscene or something.

With all the swirling hatred on the topic, I thought my son and I should share our thoughts…

For those who have trouble producing milk or choose not to breastfeed, this isn’t directed at you. This is for the idiots who have a “problem” with breastfeeding and get all bent out of shape about something that women have been doing for eons.

I thought this photo of my wife and son would be most appropriate for you ridiculous few. Enjoy.

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INFOGRAPHIC HELP
Because you’re not getting any stupider about parenting, unless you look at those.
 

My Wife Just Said… #41

Posted by charlie on January 4th, 2012, under "MY WIFE JUST SAID..."

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Previous “My Wife Just Said…”
 

Revenge of the Santa Photo!

Posted by charlie on December 2nd, 2011, under SNAPSHOTS

We decided to take a poll in last Thursday’s post featuring Finn’s meltdown on Santa’s lap…

And now…
THIS YEAR’S SANTA PHOTO!

That’s not an icicle coming
out of my son’s mouth, people.
It’s a crycicle.

This Santa was very professional, but you can still almost see the fevered look in his eyes, silently screaming, “take the friggin’ picture and grab this kid before he unloads on my knee!”
 

Reference Materials: Thought you might need to see the evolution of the Santa photo nightmare. Year 2009 (on the left): Everyone is happy snuggles and smilinWTF IS WRONG WITH YOUR TEETH, SANTA!?! (gag) Moving on. Year 2010 (on the right): The beginning of the end. Year 2011 (above): Seems like it’s just getting worse.

Maybe Finn just hasn’t noticed the rock-chewing smile on this Santa yet. (Click to enlarge)

“Ho ho ho! You can’t ask for a contract on Santa’s life for Christmas, little boy.”

HAPPY HOLIDAYS!